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to object to ex taking 2 year old dd 3 hours away to stay at his girlfriend's house?

(80 Posts)

Background: split with ex 6 months ago- cheating bastard. In the time since split he has seen dd every 2-3 weeks although has gone 4 weeks without seeing her at times. He has chosen to move 200+ miles away (initially to be with OW but then they split up). Arrangements have been that he comes for the weekend, I was actually letting him stay at my house for a while, before he became unbearable.

So, now that he is settled in a "serious relationship" with another woman(!) who he has been seeing three months he wants to:

a) introduce her to dd (I'm fairly certain this has already happened last week behind my back but he won't admit to it)

b) take her to stay at new woman's house for weekends - he will come and pick her up, bring her back etc. (he has no proper home of his own, lives in digs)

AIBU to not want to allow this??

Firstly, the travelling is an issue for poor dd in the car for 3 hours each way. Also, I can't stress enough that he is nowhere near a hands-on dad. He won't even change nappies and as soon as dd starts saying "no" to him, he can't handle it. So I am concerned that his relationship with dd is not close enough yet that she will be fine with just daddy and a strange woman. I just can't cope with the thought of him letting this woman do everything for my baby, which I know is going to happen. And the thought of my lovely girl being sad or wondering where mummy is.

katiecubs Tue 20-Nov-12 09:57:59

If it was me then I would definatey want to meet the new girlfriend first - especially if she was the one doing a lot of the care.

Surely any sort of reasonable man would agree to that.

I would'nt worry too much about the nappies thing - he may have been crap in the past but between them they won't leave a 2 yr old sitting in a dirty nappy. And of course if there was any evidence that they did you could stop the contact on account of neglect.

Good luck OP I get this is a horrible situation and I hope it works out x

Thanks for all your responses. It does make me feel better to see so many people agreeing with my idea. And so many of you who have been through a similar mess and survived.

I still need to get over the whole break up. It happened a few weeks before we were due to get married so I was left both humiliated and heartbroken. I am thinking about seeking counselling.

I am going to speak to a solicitor. It probably would make me feel better to have firm arrangements in place so he can't keep moving the goalposts. He has been terrible at paying me money for dd, if I say something he doesn't like, he just doesn't pay to as "punishment". This is also something that I know the new gf has actually suggested as a strategy for him getting what he wants- refuse money. This sort of thing makes me worry about what she is really like.

Thanks for pointing out the positives smile

missymoomoomee Tue 20-Nov-12 11:26:48

As far as money is concerned if that is his attitude go to the CSA and get it taken off his wages. The only person he is punishing by not paying is his DD.

LtEveDallas Tue 20-Nov-12 11:50:39

This is also something that I know the new gf has actually suggested as a strategy for him getting what he wants- refuse money

How do you know that OP?

The next time he does this, remind him that children aren't "Pay Per View" - He's mixing up his responsibilities to his child and his Sky contract.

You definately need to go to the CSA as well as a solicitor in that case.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 20-Nov-12 12:18:50

Just to put another spin on this my ex was shite at contact etc. until a lovely woman came into his life and I can't thank her enough.

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