to be royally fucked off with DP?

(60 Posts)

I bought him a very naice jumper last xmas. Was expensive (for me) and he loved it. A few months ago I noticed it had gone missing.

He swore blind it was at his Dad's and promised to get it next time he visited. He went and came back without it and was pissy with me when I brought it up hmm

So he just got back from latest visit and hey fucking presto it's not at his Dad's. His only defence was that he's not usually careless. He is. He left his new Kindle on the bus earlier this year hmm

His Dad bought him a new coat this weekend which I struggled to muster much enthusiasm over, given Jumpergate. When pushed my response was "My only thought is "Don't leave it on the train someday". Admittedly in a wholly rather sarcastic tone.

He bit my head off and is now huffing upstairs.

So which is it, Manchild or nagging fishwife? Your votes please.

RawShark Sun 18-Nov-12 21:16:33

Do you think he is misdirecting his snappiness at you? My DH is a bugger for snapping at me when he feels bad/guilty about something. Taken years to get him to undetstand how unfair this is! I would have a cup of tea together and forget about it

ENormaSnob Sun 18-Nov-12 20:02:30

Yanbu

I would be pissed off too.

MrsBW Sun 18-Nov-12 19:57:12

Agree with JustFabulous ... It's not the fact that he lost the jumper that would annoy me...that can happen to anyone.

It's the attitude that would have me raring... The only time I've lost something my DH bought me, I was utterly mortified.

Nora I merely pointed out that Joan had the facts utterly wrong in her first post (i.e. not the "stuff is stuff" post) saying that I had lost the jumper.

It's kind of irritating when people wade in with their opinion when they haven't even bothered to read the thread properly.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 19:41:36

I am quite a forgetful person. I try not to be, and I would apologise profusely if I lost something important or expensive.

But I don't think I'd take kindly to snide remarks.

But equally I wouldn't go and huff in a bedroom if a snide remark was made to me. I'd just go "ooooooooooh".

You're both being rather silly.

mynewpassion Sun 18-Nov-12 19:40:26

It's only a jumper. Not the end of the world. Get a grip.

BobblyGussets Sun 18-Nov-12 19:39:00

I have no strong opinions either way OP. I am sure you knew you shouldna' made the comment about the coat. But then, you sound a bit like me; you like choosing just the right gift, putting thought and effort (your heart) into it to delight the recipient. It hurts when what you have "invested" (I am talking emotionally rather than financially) is basically trashed.

I am hoping this type of thing is not an inherent character trait because my 9 yo DS is like it and it is such a bore, having to remember for him and ask him three or four times, does he have everything......

I have enough to remember for myself and I am not the best organised person in the work, so I chase up DS1's forgetful mistakes with a very heavy heart. I would really resent it if an adult partner was like this and would probably step back a bit from compensating and trying to help him remember stuff.

DumSpiroSpero Sun 18-Nov-12 19:37:21

I would be pissed off if I were you too, and probably make a similar comment, and DH would probably bite my head of and sulk too.

It is trivial in the grand scheme of things but still bloody annoying.

NoraGainesborough Sun 18-Nov-12 19:28:55

I can understand you being miffed. But acted like a child and lost any 'high ground' or right to be outraged. But then snapping at people seems to be a trait. I agrees with Joan, at the end of the day it is just stuff. Be a bit miffed, but not outraged and nasty.
You are also very unreasonable for this comment One which can't be improved upon or trained out of someone
He is not a dog, ffs.

grin @ scarlet.

Queenie - it's just the bloody nonchalance with which he handles this stuff sad. All this money being wasted when we could really do with putting it away for a mortgage.

I'm not perfect and shouldn't have been so nasty but it's so bloody infuriating. Why can he not just take care of stuff??

He's 30 bloody years of age confused

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sun 18-Nov-12 19:22:31

Bunny, I agree with you too. His attitude towards it is the worst part.

I don't get how adults manage to lose so much stuff - grow up, act responsibly, it's not that hard.

scarletforya Sun 18-Nov-12 19:18:35
QueenieLovesEels Sun 18-Nov-12 19:17:21

Is this the straw that broke the camel's back -as it were bunny ?

marriedinwhite Sun 18-Nov-12 19:16:26

It is awful Alibaba and to be fair dd has hardly lost a thing in her 14 years. DS is another matter but even he is getting better at nearly 18.

Perhaps I'm a sucker but I always say I'd rather they didn't lose stuff but ultimately the most important thing is that they keep safe themselves and to remember that if they do lose something the most important thing that will ever come home is them.

DH hardly loses anything - very very rarely and usually his glasses which is why he always has two pairs - except his spares at at work.

Unfortunately they have inherited it from me but once I turned about 35 I improved greatly.

JustFabulous Sun 18-Nov-12 19:14:40

The fact that he doesn't seem to care he has lost an expensive jumper is what is wrong. If he was apologetic and sad that he had lost it then I wouldn't give him any grief.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 18-Nov-12 19:14:32

You were being a bit U in saying that about the coat. But it is exactly the kind of thing I find myself saying in similar situations. <shrugs> I guess not everyone can take "the moral high ground".

He is being U to be sulking in my opinion anyway. He did lose the jumper and is careless. There is no point in him being stroppy when you point out something that is accurate.

RayofSun Sun 18-Nov-12 19:13:21

Sorry but I agree with op. my dh does this and it drives me nuts!

QueenieLovesEels Sun 18-Nov-12 19:12:57

Okay my son had an issue with losing stuff that I have,for the main part, trained him out of.

I did this by giving him a clothing allowance but anything he lost was deducted from this amount so a replacement could be bought.

Soon bucked his ideas up when I followed through with it the first time and over half his money went on getting school sports kit replacements....

Hasn't lost anything since. wink It has been over a year.

Can't see how this can help you mind.

Just buy him stuff that stays in the house in future.

Jesus Sissy your post just reminded me.

On a pissed night out this week he dropped his fancy ass phone and smashed the screen (it still works though).

And is considering buying a totally new one rather than wait the possible 3 weeks for it to be fixed hmm

I'm a bit surprised that so many people think it's ok - I would be pissed off too OP. If my DH (or DS come to that) was constantly losing things then lying about it, it would drive me nuts.

SissySparkles Sun 18-Nov-12 19:05:52

Nope I'm with you OP.

My DH is just the same, with additional clumsiness which means he loses things AND breaks them. Two years ago he got a new phone which he dropped on the pavement a week later and it cracked so badly he had to replace it.

Not even a month later he got an ipod for Christmas which suffered the same fate, although the damage wasn't as serious so he's still walking around with an ipod with a crack in the screen.

It IS infuriating. And he gets dead peevish when I ever-so-innocently mention it, which makes it doubly rage inducing.

Nope, I'd be pissed off too and I would expect him to replace it.

If someone was careless then I'd buy presents that could be used up - tickets for gigs, bottles of wine etc.

I hate losing stuff.

HeathRobinson Sun 18-Nov-12 19:03:46

Hmm, odd that he thought 'he'd lost it at his dad's' and now his dad's bought him a coat.

Any chance they swapped? wink

But it was a naice jumper wink

Genuine question: do you think carelessness/forgetfulness is an inherent character trait? One which can't be improved upon or trained out of someone?

I used to be hopeless at leaving my purse in daft places but it hasn't happened in years. Probably due to the OCD handbag checking everytime I go to leave somewhere!

sarahseashell Sun 18-Nov-12 18:59:24

YABU and you're acting like his mum IMO not his gf. Drop the issue - he didn't lose it on purpose unless he didn't really like it

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