To put the scarf back on my head due to family pressure? I can't take this.

(89 Posts)
NoScarfOnMyHead Tue 13-Nov-12 20:21:33

You most prob remember me. For the last few weeks dh has had a few pains in his chest area and been struggling to get a good lungful of air. After a trip to A&E and an ECG and x ray, as well as trip to doctors to test breathing etc, he has been declared asthma free and heart attack free. Perhaps a bit of work anxiety or the. Fact he has just started playing football again after not doing it for so many years/poor diet etc. anyway just got a text from mil. Implying that his chest pains are a result of my decision to remove my headscarf. She also said maybe he's too afraid to tell me...(dont know what kind of relationship she thinks we have) but has asked me to "think about it please". I may as well just fucking put the cloth back on my head to shut everyone up mightn't I???? Really upset and quite frankly doubting every inch of myself.

Fillybuster Tue 13-Nov-12 20:23:18

YABU. Do not give into emotional blackmail....you know MIL is being silly, even if she thinks its true. Sending you some love and support - I know how tough families can be x

CruCru Tue 13-Nov-12 20:24:10

Don't. If you bow to pressure now you will never get to make a decision of your own again.

NoScarfOnMyHead Tue 13-Nov-12 20:24:17

He actually told me tonight he spoke to his family and told them all the reasons why I made my decision. Mil in particular has a habit of not listening properly. Now I've really found this out and am actually pissed off (not the 1st time it's happened) but the fact she never says things to my face.

AngryBeaver Tue 13-Nov-12 20:25:16

I'm sorry, I haven't seen your other posts and have no experience of a situation like yours. But my gut instinct is, if you don't want to wear a headscarf (for whatever reason) then please don't.
My dh also had pains similar to yours, it is stress related. But there are so many stresses in life, work, finances, kids! As you say, I'm sure if your husband had a problem with you not covering your hair, he would tell you?
Life is too short to please others all the time

kilmuir Tue 13-Nov-12 20:25:17

don't do it.

discrete Tue 13-Nov-12 20:25:29

PMSL at your husband's condition being due to the lack of a headscarf.

Any chance if you take anything else off your MIL might get a heart attack? <hopeful>

squeakytoy Tue 13-Nov-12 20:25:34

cant you just put it back on when you go round there, just to keep her happy?

AngryBeaver Tue 13-Nov-12 20:26:36

Could MIL be a bit jealous that you are brave enough to remove the scarf? It was probably unthinkable in her generation

NoScarfOnMyHead Tue 13-Nov-12 20:27:14

She will say I'm being hypocritical if I wear it just round there. She is already acting differently with me. Fucking culture.

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Tue 13-Nov-12 20:27:25

You are right and your MIL is wrong. If she's generally a PITA, her opinion doesn't matter. If she's generally nice but hung up on superstitions, tell her kindly that you have made your decision and you are sticking to it, and if her feelings are hurt that's a shame but it's your head.

(And you know that what she's saying about your H's chest pains is absolute howling bollocks, don't you.)

NoScarfOnMyHead Tue 13-Nov-12 20:27:42

Angry beaver. I've often wondered that.

NoScarfOnMyHead Tue 13-Nov-12 20:28:39

I hope it's bollocks. I feel that text was almost unintentional emotional blackmail

crescentmoon Tue 13-Nov-12 20:28:40

dont bother with any of that, its is just portents and signs bullshit.

lovebunny Tue 13-Nov-12 20:29:00

how much does it matter to you?
had a colleague wore hers at home (she lives with inlaws) and not at work. it was a kind of protest. over time, and after four children, she wants to wear it all the time and does.
i'd put the scarf on to keep the peace and not worry. just like you can keep 'eye purdah' or be scarved without wearing cloth, you can still be free and open even if your hair is covered.

AngryBeaver Tue 13-Nov-12 20:29:12

Totally disagree with that option squeaky! Why the hell should she do that?
My MIL is very religious, and it pains her that we do not go to Mass, have religious paraphanalia up around the house etc, but there's no way I would compromise my belief to suit hers.
Sometimes, people just have to accept that we are not all the same, and we do not all believe the same things. That's life

Chubfuddler Tue 13-Nov-12 20:30:17

If your husband supports you then you really don't have a problem. Your mil's opinion is completely irrelevant.

NoScarfOnMyHead Tue 13-Nov-12 20:30:34

Every time I go past her friends house (the friend I mentioned on my last post) I cringe and hope she won't see me. God help me :'(

The thing is if you back down now you leave yourself wide open to shit storms every time you do/say/think something she doesn't agree with.

I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with your history but I'm assuming this is not a decision you took lightly so don't let someone bully you into doing something you've decided not to do.

You say your dh explained your reasons to her. Maybe you should both stop explaining things that aren't really any of her business!

Hope he's ok soon!

NoScarfOnMyHead Tue 13-Nov-12 20:32:32

Crescent moon aren't you Muslim? I'd love to get some views of fellow Muslims who choose not to wear a headscarf

LemonBreeland Tue 13-Nov-12 20:32:51

Don't put it back on. You thought about this long and hard before you made the decision. It is not merely a whim.

She will get over it, once she realises you are keeping it on for good.

i'd put the scarf on to keep the peace and not worry

Completely disagree with this! Would you say the same if there was pressure on her to take OFF the scarf?

NoScarfOnMyHead Tue 13-Nov-12 20:34:51

Thanks Walter. Truth be told, dh isn't too happy about me removing it because he believes religiously that I should wear it. Being the chilled open minded guy he is,he has supported me regardless of his own feelings. Starting to wonder if maybe mil thinks my removal reflects badly on the family as a whole?

Sallyingforth Tue 13-Nov-12 20:34:51

It's none of her business what you wear.

Be your own woman!!!

squeakytoy Tue 13-Nov-12 20:35:40

I dont really agree with it either Beaver, but sometimes it can be easier to keep the peace.. its slightly different by my Mum would tut, moan and generally whinge if I went round to visit wearing short skirts, low tops etc... and she hated my husbands earrings and eyebar, so to keep her digs to a minimum, we both made an effort when we went to her house to give her less to go on about..

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