To think I'm not a fucking cunt for wanting to become a nurse?

(40 Posts)

Sorry for the swears

Background: Son is in last year at Primary school, age 10.7.

Split up from son's father when son was just over a year old. Always shared responsibility, if anything, son's dad wanted s to live with him. Son stayed with me though. I changed jobs and we moved away - about an hour's drive away; Dad ostensibly accepted our moving but punished me for it with verbal abuse, on occasion. (Was mutual decision to separate, so no no residual issues - just wasn't working any more.)

Relationship with son's dad has been frequently strained, but recently better - he married a fab woman last year, whom I thought has had a calming effect.

Son and I moved back two years ago, things became difficult (I became depressed following the death of my beloved grandmother), and my grandfather's health was failing. So, we moved in with my grandfather and I looked after him until he died in July this year. Being nearer his dad has been great for my son and he is really settled.

Since my grandfather's death, I have enrolled on an Access course (which will enable me to do a nursing degree, starting September 2013). If you don't know, a nursing degree is 50% at university and 50% on placement. My son's father has wondered how I will manage placements (which could include shifts). I told him my ideas for provision for our son, and he suggested that son goes to live with him hmm
I discussed this, in a very casual way, with son - and as I thought, he wants to stay with me and go to the secondary school where his mates will be going - and continue to see his dad as he has been - no issues with access and I'm always accommodating and encouraging their relationship.

Today, I discussed all of this with son's father and he called me a fucking bitch and a fucking cunt - for wanting to do something to improve mine and my son's life confused. I'm being selfish and awkward etc. etc? thinking of myself before our son hmm

He is being a cunt, not me unreasonable, yes?

Sorry for the robotic writing style but I have found it easier to write like that.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 10-Nov-12 00:11:47

Yanbu he's being cunt

Succinct, I like it!

blackeyedsusan Sat 10-Nov-12 00:13:16

you second to last sentence is correct (or should I say affirmative?)

('tis easier to write about difficult things like that sometimes, better than a long waffle with no paragraphs)

ripsishere Sat 10-Nov-12 00:14:21

He is a cunt. <even more succinct>

Thank you!

I was in pieces earlier and it brought on a panic attack, glad for the affirmation.

StuntGirl Sat 10-Nov-12 00:15:58

You know you're not, don't let him get in your head.

LFCisTarkaDahl Sat 10-Nov-12 00:17:59

Well do you have loads of people around you to help with childcare ?

Because honestly doing the nursing course it might be better for your son to stay at his dads more and for his dad to take him to school.

Obviously he's a total arse but isn't your son going to need to be round his more?

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 10-Nov-12 00:22:15

Well it's a great opportunity to just say it really.

Children learn by example your ds will learn good things from watching you learn a new thing thus improving both your lives

That is reasonable decent and to be encouraged.

Dad being a cunt is well, not reasonable decent or to be encouraged, but you cannot stop cunts being cunts you can only smile nod and do what ever it was you were going to do before they expressed there cuntishness BUT be thank full he's a cunt if he wasn't chances are you would still be washing his pants and having no option to be a nurse.

LFC, I do have a support network and I realise what the course involves - I have told his dad what I have in place.

My son wouldn't necessarily need to be round his father's more - unless he wants to be. His choice.

Thanks pixie. So you've got all my fucking socks.

AgentZigzag Sat 10-Nov-12 00:30:17

'he called me a fucking bitch and a fucking cunt - for wanting to do something to improve mine and my son's life confused. I'm being selfish and awkward etc. etc?'

You've mixed up what he said with how you see the situation, he didn't say you were a bitch/cunt for trying to improve both your lives did he?

So why is he so angry?

Because of the change in contact details? Why would that bother him so much? Are you asking what he considers to be unreasonable things of him?

suburbophobe Sat 10-Nov-12 00:30:49

well, he doesn't want you to become successful in your life. (cos that shows him up?!).

Calling someone nasty names says more about him, really.

Tell him to fuck off. (to the far side of fuck and then again, as the great MN's saying).

And good to read of your plans for YOU and YOUR SON'S future!

Don't let him sabotage that!!

scottishmummy Sat 10-Nov-12 00:33:41

as an aside,do you have adequate childcare?
placement,travel,studying it will be demanding on you and son
however as you say is great career,but do be realistic. do you know any nurses you can talk to?

moopoint Sat 10-Nov-12 00:34:44

He's being a cunt. I've just started 1st year nursing. Don't let him stop you from doing this.

Good luck!

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 10-Nov-12 00:38:14

-- I fucking gave them all back every single one--

Am I correct in thinking you did not ask or attempt to change any contact arrangements and that aspect will remain as it has?

WorraLiberty Sat 10-Nov-12 00:40:53

Hold on a minute

The OP has said... "My son's father has wondered how I will manage placements (which could include shifts). I told him my ideas for provision for our son, and he suggested that son goes to live with him"

Why has no-one asked exactly what those ideas for provision are before deciding the Father is a cunt?

scottishmummy Sat 10-Nov-12 00:43:51

usual mn,pile in.mans a cunt...oh aye must be
tbh it's legitimate for aren't to ask how you'll manage with shifts,travel and uni
really do you have it covered?when you work late onto early shift Inc travel is that covered?

scottishmummy Sat 10-Nov-12 00:49:11

if you have panic attack at being sworn at do you really think you're cut out for nursing
it's demanding and unfortunately minority get v sweary
how will you cope?what specialism of nursing?

WorraLiberty Sat 10-Nov-12 00:49:34

Exactly

For all we know the 'provision' could mean the OP's Aunts, mate's, daughter's cat looking after the child.

moopoint Sat 10-Nov-12 00:50:00

But she does say that he called her a fucking bitch and a fucking cunt. For that he is being a cunt.

Agent - you are correct, he called me a fucking bitch and cunt. I am asking no more, or less from him if I do this. suburbophobe has it, I think - he doesn't want me to be successful. We work in similar fields and I think maybe he wants to do the same as me - but he has ishoos there that is a whole other thread.
I want to do this, yes for myself, but it will have benefits for my son, also.
My studies will not affect him to the detriment of his contact with our son - maybe the way I've presented the back story is a bit confusing there? It will not change at all.

Sm, I have worked in the field as an unqualified assistant, so I think I'm realistic about the expectations. I DO have support for placements etc.

Thanks moopoint.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 10-Nov-12 00:52:45

Ok op do your provisions for childcare mean reasonable adequate safe child care is provided ?

If the answer to that is yes then I stand by my initial response.

In my world you don't send a child to live elsewhere against there will when there home is perfectly reasonable and all needs are met just because you start a job or go to uni.

WorraLiberty Sat 10-Nov-12 00:53:13

Your studies might not affect him, but you've not explained how they might affect your child.

Of course your studies benefit your child but your ex is worried about your child's care.

scottishmummy Sat 10-Nov-12 00:55:49

do you currently do shifts?late to early, weekends?
he shouldn't have sworn but dad dies have right to ask how it all goes
if you have safe consistent cover, and realistic about studies then good luck

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