Have name changed because sil is probably on MN.
Sil's dd is having her bat mitzvah in Jan. They live 200 miles from us. We went to her ds's bar mitzvah three years ago. We were happy to go because it was a big family event. The dcs didn't enjoy it at all though - formal occasions are hard for children - and we didn't know anyone there really, apart from pil and a few elderly relatives. That was fine though because it wasn't our occasion and we simply wanted to celebrate.
However, I have recently had a baby. DD3 is 11 weeks old. Sil has sent a gift, asked for photos but is clearly not at all bothered to actually come and meet her new niece.
She texted the other week - she only communicates by text - that her dds were asking if we were planning a visit up north and dh responded that we weren't as we'd just had a baby and we were still finding our way with 3 dcs and a new baby but that she was welcome to come and visit her new niece. Did she want to make a plan to meet her? No response to that.
Now, I'm thinking I really personally cannot be bothered then, to travel, get me and my dcs dressed up to the nines in new clothes, spend a few hundred £ (which we really can't afford) on two nights in a hotel, deal with very bored dcs at synagogue and at the party afterwards (they won't know anyone and their cousins totally ignored them at the bar mitzvah). I think dh should just go as our ambassador. It would save on cost, energy etc.
There is a past history between sil and her parents and dh. Dh is very too close to his mum and dad and sil has been very aggressive in breaking the bonds of what I consider to be controlling parents. Pil will have a fit if the dcs and I don't attend the bat mitzvah but tbh, she's done a lot of rude stuff in the past to us all which we've 'sucked up' (loathe that phrase).
Before he was married with dcs, dh utterly doted on his nephews and niece. Obviously he's a little busier now and has other financial commitments so he cannot spend the same amount of time or money travelling up north to visit them.
What do you think? I really don't think we'd be missed and I do think she should make an effort to meet her niece. After all, your birth is as important as your coming of age, surely?
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AIBU?
I didn't want to go in the first place and now I think, "Why the hell should I?" Aibu?
45 replies
Pearletta · 09/11/2012 21:27
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