Well AIBU

(454 Posts)
KelperRose Thu 08-Nov-12 19:15:05

Im ask­ing for advice and opin­ions on how you would han­dle this sit­u­a­tion

My son, 19, left col­lege ear­lier this year and even­tu­ally signed on at the end of August when the casual work he had at his Uncles café dried up and all his job appli­ca­tions were unsuc­cess­ful

Since then he has been sanc­tioned twice (once for being 3 mins late to a group ses­sion at no fault of his own , but which I think fuelled his atti­tude ‘of you have treated me unfairly so why should I respect you ‘atti­tude’

They then after the sanc­tion rec­om­mended him for ‘a work place­ment’ and he went to the com­pany (JHP) for an ini­tial inter­view and the guy there told him your here and you’ve been put on a work place­ment ‘as a pun­ish­ment’

He, rightly or wrongly walked out and said some­thing along the lines ‘being pun­ished for being 3 mins late to a group who’s best advice on how to find a job was ‘look on the inter­net for vacan­cies’

He also asked ‘if’ work place­ments were the great gov­ern­ment scheme to help peo­ple into work why are you admit­ting you are putting me on this for pun­ish­ment (his think­ing here was if he hadn’t been 3 mins late he would not have been referred for a work place­ment)

. he also asked ‘If I go and stick price labels on stuff at the back of a char­ity shop for a month do you really think I’d put that on my CV when I have skills and qual­i­fi­ca­tions already , what does that say about me other than I was unem­ployed and put on a workscheme’

They then sanc­tioned his job seek­ers again.….then sus­pended it indef­i­nitely . Then sent him p45 form say­ing he was obvi­ously not enti­tled to JSA as he did not want a job!!!!!!

We now have Alas­dair Dar­ling MP , and Andrew Burns leader of the Edin­burgh coun­cil involved too but , but this is my point.….….….….….….…

I cre­ated in part his atti­tude towards the DWP, Job Cen­tres and work place­ments so should I just suck it up and con­tinue pay­ing for him (food, travel, roof over his head, clothes, hob­bies etc) or should should I say .…..you’re unem­ployed and until you get the means to sup­port your­self your going have to suck it up and play ball with what­ever they want you to do for £56 a week

I’d really appre­ci­ate some views , thanks coz I’m torn between going ‘gonna my son It is shit, it wrong and I’ll sup­port you’ and ‘Well you need to stand on your two feet

LucyLastik Thu 08-Nov-12 19:17:18

Why did he leave college?

VirginiaDare Thu 08-Nov-12 19:18:43

He sounds a bit workshy and stroppy. Was he really only 3 mins late, or is that what he told you? And how was it not his fault he was late?

KelperRose Thu 08-Nov-12 19:19:53

He left college bcaus h course came to an end and he graduated

INeedThatForkOff Thu 08-Nov-12 19:20:27

Workshy? This appears to be a Workfare-type placement - why wouldn't he resent it?

Purple2012 Thu 08-Nov-12 19:21:40

sticking labels on stuff in a charity shop does not scream 'im umemployed and have been put on a work scheme'. To me it woukd show there is a person who is willing to work to gain as much experience as possible.

to be honest, from what you have written his attitude stinks.

ImperialBlether Thu 08-Nov-12 19:21:53

I think he sounds really entitled, to be honest. Did he think everyone would be falling over themselves to employ him when he left college early? It sounds as though he has a bad attitude.

If you now 'reward' him financially for this cock up, then you are authorising him to continue with his attitude.

You should tell him to sort himself out immediately and not give him money in the meantime unless it's to get to an interview.

Sorry to be harsh; I have a son that age and I think if you're soft, you are literally ruining them.

It's a conundrum. On one hand he needs to learn to deal with how things work and consequences. On the other hand, Workfare stinks. He needs to apply for everything, treat that like a full-time job. If he does that, could you sub him as long as he does?

lucidlady Thu 08-Nov-12 19:24:21

Why have you got an MP and the council involved? I'd har told him to get a grip. And what do you mean you created his attitude?

MammaTJ Thu 08-Nov-12 19:26:13

It seems from the OPs second post he did not leave college early!!!

He does need to put his head down and get on with it.

LFCisTarkaDahl Thu 08-Nov-12 19:26:19

Was the 3 minutes really not his fault?

As I always think getting somewhere early just in case is a good idea.

I'd give him nothing and be lecturing him constant about how he can turn working in a charity shop to his advantage - there are plenty of transferable skills.

He sounds entitled and pissed off - and I'd have him out the house every morning at 9am looking for work.

nocake Thu 08-Nov-12 19:27:56

I'm an experienced and highly qualified IT professional. When I was made redundant I worked in a warehouse sorting widgets for a few days because it was a job. I didn't consider myself too good to do it and I'm massively better qualified than your DS. He needs a good dose of humility and to learn that nothing gets handed to you on a plate. He also needs to learn that sometimes you just have to work with the system even though you think it's stupid. I signed on when I was made redundant and jumped through all the hoops even though I knew they'd never find me a job.

ImperialBlether Thu 08-Nov-12 19:29:42

Deborah Meaden off Dragons' Den was talking on the radio a few months ago. She said that she had interviewed loads of new graduates who'd left university a year or two ago and had looked for management jobs since then. They wanted to go in at that level because they thought they were worth it, that their degree was enough to tell an employer they were special enough.

She said she wanted hard workers. She was asked what she'd say if someone had worked for the last two years at McDonald's cleaning the toilets and she said she would think they were fantastic, that they were really hard working and independent. She said it's those who sit there applying for jobs and living off their parents that she couldn't stand.

Your son needs to get any experience he can.

redexpat Thu 08-Nov-12 19:29:48

He has to play ball. But the staff are under tremendous pressure to give out sanctions (because they save money).

Walking out of a placement on the grounds of what one person said to him is pretty stupid. Sticking labels on stuff at the back of a charity shop says that he is willing to knuckle down and do anything. It would also give him experience of being in a working environment and forming relations with other volunteers. I don't understand why your son can't see that skills and qualifications aren't enough. You need experience.

He needs to get to appointments on time, allowing extra time for delays, and see things through.

whatsforyou Thu 08-Nov-12 19:31:59

I think Workfare stinks and the groups to get you back to work are hopeless and the people who stop your benefit at the drop of a hat are VVVunreasonable.....but if you're unemployed and claiming benefits then you have to suck it up. that's not to say he can't continue with complaining to MPs and whoever else about how bad the system is but in the meantime he has to knuckle down and do what everyone else on benefits who doesn't have the luxury of a Mum to sub them if they don't fancy the work placement
I do think that you would be encouraging a very unhelpful attitude in your son, I having principles and taking a stand is all very honourable and admirable but doing it when funded by the bank of Mum does make it somewhat easier. Would he take the same very firm stance about these schemes and be so outspoken if it meant he couldn't afford to pay his gas bill or buy his food for the week hmm

Himalaya Thu 08-Nov-12 19:32:00

What does he want to do?

It seems like you and he are stuck in a combative relationship with the JS people which at best will be resolved and he will get put back on JSA, and at worst will continue as it is.

But either way they are probably not in a position to help him get the job he wants - as both you and he recognise -So it is up to you and him to come up with a plan to do that, rather than focus your energy on the fight with with the JS.

His attitude will do him no favours with future employers. They can pick and choose, and they're not going to choose those who are late or arrogant. Sorry

Tuttutitlookslikerain Thu 08-Nov-12 19:38:41

His attitude absolutely stinks IMVHO.

My DS1 lost his weekend job earlier in August because the business went bankrupt. He'd love to work, he is actively looking for another part time job, whilst studying really hard for his A levels. We live in the smallest county in England where jobs are few and far between, but he keeps trying, he narrowly missed out on two jobs last week.

I would be giving him nothing and I would be sending him out of the door every day at 9am looking for work!

KelperRose Thu 08-Nov-12 19:55:54

the 3 minuties really wasn't his fault.

He was in good time with 20 mins to spare (I can vouch for this as he left the house 1 hour before for what normally be a 20 min Jourey .

There was an an accident on the main road Princes Street Edinburgh and the bus man would not let him of the bus the bus because they ere not at a valid 'bus stop'

KelperRose Thu 08-Nov-12 19:57:17

*were

At which point he explained and profusely apologised...?

pjmama Thu 08-Nov-12 20:02:46

He's 19 and an adult and needs to sort himself out. Sounds like he's got some hard lessons to learn, one of which being that flouncing doesn't get you very far in life.

whois Thu 08-Nov-12 20:05:00

Sometimes, even tho you have been treated unfairly you jus have to suck it up and jump through some hoops with a good attitude for long term gain.

Your son sounds like a right twat, walking off the placement like that. Really immature and stroppy.

KelperRose Thu 08-Nov-12 20:09:23

No whois he is not a right twat ,,,,,,,,just a 19 year old boy scared skint and unemployed

StuntGirl Thu 08-Nov-12 20:12:42

What whois said.

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