to be fed up of this parent 'projecting' onto her child.

[undercovamutha]

A parent of one of my DD's friends constantly projects her own negative views onto her child, encouraging her child to worry and be upset about the smallest thing. It is quite upsetting to watch, and happens quite regularly but one recent incident went as follows:

Child gets randomly splashed by passing classmate jumping in puddle nearby. Child gets small splash of muddy water on socks.

To me the correct response to this is 'oh dear, bit of a wet sock, nevermind!'.

This parent responds with the following:

'Oh no, X are you ok? Are you totally soaking ? You must be freezing, you poor poor thing! Oh what a horrible little boy to be mean to you like that. I don't know why he picked on you like that, how spiteful. This is always happening. Oh dear, don't cry X. Oh look how upset you are now.'

Cue parent looking round at surrounding parents, saying loudly in front of X 'Wasn't that awful to pick on X like that. SHe is utterly heartbroken aren't you X? You'll probably be upset all evening now won't you, you poor thing' etc etc

So the kid goes from thinking there's no problem apart from a little splash, to thinking she needs to be very upset as a result of being deliberately singled out in an act of extreme malice. By the end of all this she's in floods of tears and inconsolable, while we all stood round baffled!

AIBU to think this parent is making her DD miserable by more or less encouraging her to feel bad?

[Miggsie]

Yes, it is sad, I know someone like this...a stubbed toe is a trip to casualty and a life threatening experience with much wringing of hands.

I do sometimes wonder what will happen when something truly serious does occur.

It also sounds like she is creating a sense of neediness in her child so she can rush in and "love and nurture and protect" her child.

[mumblechum]

She's a psycho.

[Skyrg]

Sounds like YANBU, but not sure you can do anything to help. Kids really do pick up on your reaction, and it must be affecting the child.
We discovered with my nephew that if he fell over and everyone gasped or said something questioning 'oh dear, are you ok?' or negative 'looks like a nasty bump' etc, he cried. If one person said something lighthearted like 'Oops!' or positive 'Good thing you landed on the carpet' or similar with a smile, he was fine.

Sounds like a drama queen, the more you make light of things (unless they're seriously hurt ofc) the less upset the child usually is and the more they learn to deal with situations.

[Northernlurker]

Some people are just a bit crap. Probably best to ignore and get on with your day - you'll never change her!

[headinhands]

Aye, we teach our children what is and isn't important. She'll have been doing it from birth though and thinks she's being concerned.

[undercovamutha]

I know there's not really anthing I can do about it, but its actually quite upsetting to watch. I just get the urge to butt in with a big 'come on, lets not worry and overeact, its only a splash!, but know that it won't have any effect.

[Skyrg]

Do you ever take care of the child? Babysit, playdates etc?Perhaps the normality of other people may counter her mother's craziness.

I have to say, while I agree with you, I do think 'at least she's loved'. So many children are hated, ignored, abused, unloved, thrown out, discouraged etc by parents. At least this one will grow up knowing she's loved and protected, even if it does give her a strange view of the world.

[StealthPolarBear]

do it! preferably very uickly before she can start

[neverenoughMEtime]

My mum is like this. This is partly where my anxiety problems come from. I really feel for the child you are talking about, and am at the mother. She doesn't know just how much damage she is doing.

[piscesmoon]

YANBU but unfortunately the mother is not alone and you can't do anything.

[BuzzingNoise]

yanbu. I would be in hysterics watching her!