to give up my seat for a child?

[ScroobiousPip]

OK, some background first....Where we live, the roads are hilly and windy. In heavy traffic the drivers stop-start like crazy, throwing standing passengers around. I know the traditional view is that children should give up their seats for adults but I worry about young children standing on buses because their heads are at seat height and it would be really easy for them to hit their heads or loose a tooth etc.

I was on a busy bus this morning when mum and her three young boys (roughly 3, 4 and 5) got on the bus. There were no seats left. She started to give them instructions on how to hold tight to the poles etc. After a short delay I offered up my (single) seat so that she could sit with the little one on her lap. Once I had offered my seat, the two girls opposite also volunteered their seats so that, in the end, the 3 boys sat on a 2-person seat, with mum sitting opposite on the single seat (she offered it back to me but I was happy standing).

Now I was happy to offer my seat but I got the very strong impression that, had I not offered my seat up, no one else would have either. Mainly because when the boys got on, everyone looked away and did the 'I can't see you thing' that commuters do.

So, my question is AIBU to expect that adults should give up their seats on a bus for children?

(Oh, and is there a 'magic' age when children should stand for adults instead?)

PS If I disappear from the thread halfway through, it's because I'm asleep. I will come back....

[GypsyMoth]

i think its down to circumstances really.....no one rule fits all!

[DetectivePotato]

Not sure really.

You did a nice thing for them, especially for the mum to sit with her youngest on her lap but in general I don't believe in giving up a seat for a child. Then I never get the bus though.

I don't see many mothers making their children stand up for an adult either tbh.

[TotorosOcarina]

I would have gotten up, its hard to stand on a bus and would be worried about them falling over.

[TotorosOcarina]

Detective, I always sit both kids on my knees if the bus is full so someone can use the seat next to me.

[MollysChambers]

With children as young as that I think its the right thing to do. I'd be worried for their safety if they were standing. And completely stressed out if I was the mum - trying to hold on to the three of them and not fall over myself.

[MaryBS]

I would have done the same. Personally I think if anyone needs the seat more than me, I or someone should give it up, as I can stand, no matter who they are or what age.

[sapphireblue]

I would have offered my seat too.

[DetectivePotato]

Actually when I said about not believing in giving your seat up, I was thinking in general, not on a bus. Forgot that was the question. I know of a couple of mums in my family who sit on the floor in the front room so their children can sit on the sofas. The rest of us have to sit on the floor too as they don't make them move.

[ShadeofViolet]

I have offered my seat before.

Where we live there used to be notices on the buses that said a child shouldnt take up a fare-paying adults seat - everytime I saw it it made me

[Adair]

Of course. Didn't realise we weren't 'supposed' to. Anyone who finds it harder to stand than me gets offered!

(and thank you to the nice lady who offered hers to pregnant and exhausted me a seat on the bus yesterday!)

[MollysChambers]

I remember stepping on to a very busy commuter train when hugely pregnant. Cue lots of business men types immediately looking anywhere but at me. I almost cried with relief when a woman halfway along the carriage stood and waved to me that there was an empty seat beside her.

[backwardpossom]

I know of a couple of mums in my family who sit on the floor in the front room so their children can sit on the sofas. The rest of us have to sit on the floor too as they don't make them move

Good grief...

[ScroobiousPip]

Thanks for the responses. I was expecting a flaming for being way too soft! So it's good to know I wasn't being totally U for being maybe a teensey weensey bit judgey of everyone else on the bus for looking the other way.

I think what really irritates me is the way people stare really hard out of the window or at their iPod etc. You know perfectly well that they have seen the mum struggling with 3 children but just can't be arsed to get up.

[MaryBS]

DetectivePotato, I'd always make the kids sit on the floor at home if there weren't enough seats - they're usually happy enough there anyway!

[MollysChambers]

Oh yes, at home the kids give up the comfy seats for the adults - definitely.

[mamaloco]

On the continent priority sits are for ederly, invalids, pregnant women and people accompagnied with children under 5!
So you did was right.
When they are older they can actually give their sit to people needing it. I don't see why they should give it to an healthy youngish adult though.

[ScroobiousPip]

ShadeofViolet - yes, it was those signs that made me wonder too.

[MollysChambers]

When there are visitors I mean

[ScroobiousPip]

Mamaloco - that's useful to know. We only have elderly and disabled signs here so it's not very clear at all.

[JoanHolloway]

Of course not. Very much agree with Adair. I offer my seat to anybody who finds it harder to stand than me. It's always obvious who that is.

[catsmother]

Simple rule of thumb .... it's a kind and considerate thing to offer up your seat to anyone who looks as if they need it more than you .... so, elderly, disabled, small children who can't hold on safely, even someone who looks ill - whatever.

Small kids aren't often big enough to secure/brace themselves standing on public transport so they do get thrown about if the vehicle stop starts sharply. I also worry about them getting squashed by adults, elbowed in the face etc., they just don't seem to register on a lot of people's radar. Continuing on from that, if my child was occupying a seat I'd always move them onto my lap to make way ... and we'd both stand if I was able to ensure her safety by doing so.

[domesticsluttery]

If I had been getting on the bus with my 3 DC when they were that age I would have been very grateful.

Now they are 4, 6 and 8. I would expect the eldest to stand up if someone elderly/disabled/heavily pregnant needed the seat. I would probably stand up myself and put the two youngest on the same seat rather than expect them to stand.

By which reckoning the cut off point for standing in my mind must be about 8!

[ShatnersBassoon]

People have often stood up on the bus, train or tube to let our little ones sit down. Small children find it hard to keep their balance on moving vehicles, so I'm always relieved when someone notices them struggling to stay upright and offers their seat to them. I don't expect people to give their seat to them, though.

[cory]

Will give up my seat to anyone who looks as if they might struggle to cope on a moving bus. But often feel embarrassed when travelling with ds or dd, as it's me that gets up for the hobbling old lady and not my 10yo or 13yo. Always wonder what the other passengers are thinking. Because it doesn't show on the outside that dcs have a joint condition and I'm fit as a fiddle.

[mamatomany]

I think another mum or a considerate person who has contact/understands children would do this but you couldn't expect people to.