Sis Wedding, am not loooking forward to it

[twinklingfairy]

People ask me if I am looking forward to it (I am her bridesmaid, DD is her flower girl) I truly wish I could say NO.
But of course say oh yes.
When truly I am looking forward to the day after.
Not only is it DDs birthday but it will mean this ghastly year is finally over.
Until she gets pregnant.

Her hen do is next weekend, the wedding is the weekend after, and I could well do without it, but have no option.
I am the gel that keeps mum and sis ticking over, not to mention my bridesmaid duties.
There are only 6 of us going, me her and mum, his mum, his bros GF and my bros GF.
Sis has no friends of her own.

[seeyoukay]

You sound like a bundle of laughs.

[scottishmummy]

whats the beef why are you feeling torn?what would you wish to happen

[JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns]

and breath,

i am also dealing with some serious wedding and bridezilla hell, you have my sypathys.

[greenbananas]

sounds very difficult, and not the sort of thing it is easy to explain on this kind of forum...

I too have difficult wedding issues coming up so I really do sympathise - it is hard!

hope it all goes well

[sloanypony]

No offence but without more information it just makes you sound bitter that you've had your time and now its hers...

[Itsonme]

What's the matter? do you feel upset that the attention will be focused on her rather than you?

I say this because of the 'until she gets pregnant comment' I'm guessing you just don't like her being the centre of attention. If that's the case, don't be such a prick

[DetectivePotato]

You haven't put enough detail as to why you feel like this. Obviously there must be more to it, otherwise you just sound jealous and bitchy.

[curlymama]

Can't you try and think about the nice stuff instead? Like the fact that your dd will probably love being a flower girl and getting to wear the pretty dress. You get to spend a nice day with your family. You get to see your sister be happy during one of the most special days of her life?

I can't imagine that your bridesmaid duties will amount to that much with such a small wedding.

I'd have been devestated to know that one of my bridesmaids felt the way you do, but thankfully they were true friends who were more than happy to do almost anything to make me happy on my wedding day, as I was and will for them. I feel sorry for your sister.

[TrillianAstra]

If there are only 6 people then it doesn't sound like bridesmaid's duties could be too onerous.

[Portofino]

Why has the year been so ghastly?

[cyteen]

Five quid says the OP comes back and says that her sister has pissed in her clothes draw/shagged her DH/murdered her dog/made her pay for a sackcloth bridesmaid's dress etc.

[DetectivePotato]

Yep, AIBU by stealth by the sounds of it.

[marantha]

You're not unreasonable at all- much as I appreciate that people desire to get married, weddings themselves are an almighty pain in the arse.
Try to put a smiling face on for your sister, though, it is her day and she is probably excited about getting wed. F* knows why, though.

[twinklingfairy]

I do sound bitchy and a prick, but it has been a hard year. Mum and dad got the opportunity to go to America and were only too happy to jump at it in order that they would not be around for the stress that is, my sister. I, then, was left to fill my mums role as first person to call/harass about every little thing. I say harass, cos I , stupidly, offered to make her stationery and have had a ridiculous amount of calls/texts asking how 'we' are getting on with them, are they done yet, can we make another 10-20.
All had to be hand cut, scored folded, ribboned etc. I loved making them, but the pressure from her was just taking the joy out of it all.
There are so many ways in which it has just been a ghastly year. With all her quibbles over every thing.
I will suggest something, she will snort at me in disgust, then come back a month later telling me about this wonderful idea that so and so has had that she is gonna go with. (That would be the one I had a month ago that you snorted at.) Can you make it please.
She seems oblivious, in her requests, that I have 2 children that I am have to join me on all her errands.
She borrows my stuff, I ask her to return it, oh I am not coming back out here again, you can come and get it.
Then when I need something, to make something she has requested, it is not in my house and the children have to be bundled into a car to go collect.

Uch, its all such petty issues, but then it would be a long long old thread if I tried to explain to you the dynamics of my relationship with my sister which would help you to understand my frustration.

We only hope the day will be a sunny one, god help us all if it is not.
I only wish she would enjoy her day, because I fear, it will be so filled with complaints that this is not right that is not right, I can't possibly relax in my very expensive dress you know (Not like yours Twink (made by my mum). I paid a lot of money for mine.)

Yes, you are right and DH has said as much, just the other day. There will be plenty of family there whose company I can enjoy and my little DD is just going to love being a flowergirl.
I am sure the day will not be the awfulness that I fear but, right now, I just want it over.

And no, nasty, it has nothing to do with my not being the centre of attention.
The comment re pregnancy is that, once the wedding is over, all this stress can stop. Until she gets pregnant when she will be full of troubles and woes re money and being pregnant itself.
Childcare versus my care should she decide to go back to work. My care not really being good enough given that they questioned/question my way of caring for my son.
And the stress begins again.

She worries over every little thing and comes to me/mum to go over the issue again and again and again. Listening to nothing and not going away until she has gone over it a dozen times and finally got us to agree with her.

yes, this rant prob should be in relationships.

[twinklingfairy]

It is not a small wedding, it is really quite a big wedding.
40 day invites and about 80 evenining ones.
The hen do only has 6 people, because, and this is not a nasty comment, just the truth. Sis has no friends. So could only invite us to her hen do.
Everyone invited is family, work collegues or his friends.

[ledkr]

Weddings have become ridiculous tho. We are always having to go to them involves hotel childcare etc. just been told of another one next may when our baby will be 3 months ill be still fat and its no kids. dh will be expected to go on massive bender abroad when ill be on maternity leave so not much money and prob won't be able to afford a family holiday because of it.
Can understand why the op is stressed but does also sound bit jealous.....sorry

[twinklingfairy]

oh god, do I!

Thats awful.
I don't think I am? But..........gosh
Will have to go mull that over.

[chitchat07]

YANBU, but Op, I think you would be daft if you let her continue playing these games after the wedding (I think you were daft taking all of this on for the wedding, but too late to stop that now I guess).

You're talking about childcare vs yourcare for her future potential child? What?????!!!!!

Your sister sounds like a prima donna and you're just letting her be that way. After the wedding it is time to draw a line in the sand, and then proceed as you mean to go on, and that is not playing the game that your sister tries to play.

By the sounds of it she will never truly grow up, but you can choose what role you will play in the dramas.

[twinklingfairy]

Call me dim. I know she plays games.
DH has just made me see how manpulative she is. I had no idea I was being so manipulated.
She will call up to make a suggestion.
The other day it was,'Are you going to church on sunday?'
'Not sure yet.'
'oh well, if you do you could speak to blabla, to organise this....'
'righto, couldn't you call him to arrange that?'
'Well, you will be there, so that is easier.'
'But I am not sure if I am?'
The convo went on, next thing I know I am agreeing to it, just to try to get her off the phone.
Didn't work, she was on for over an hour and ended up hanging up on me telling me to f off, but that is another story.

But what games do you see her playing.
Interested in your perspective?

[chitchat07]

Games?

You are handmaking her cards, and instead of being grateful she is complaining and asking for extra.

She borrows your things and you have to go to her house to get them back, where are her manners in returning YOUR things?

You are at her beck and call, going to her house to do HER favours. Bad enough to always be doing things for her, but you have to go to her? She can't even be bothered to go to you???

She is single (even if not for long), with no children. You have 2 children, and yet you are doing things for her frequently/all the time. Puhleeze!!!

You are her SISTER, not her MOTHER. TBH I think it was a cheap trick of your mother's to take off right before your sister's wedding. I don't know if she's done this before (ie, had you take on the more parental role) but it wasn't at all fair on you. It could be a once off, in which I stand corrected.

I might be overreacting but I see in your posts a similar responsibility/dependancy role that I see in someone I know personally. In her case her mother was in an abusive relationship and after escaping while she and her siblings were young she had a number of nervous breakdowns and really dropped the ball as a mother. Since that early age my friend has taken on the mothering role, and her mother, whilst a nice person, is frequently on the phone to her saying 'your DB needs you to be there for him', 'can you do this for your DSIS, you can talk to her better than I can', 'I can't be there to do X, Y, Z because my new partner wants to take me here,' etc, etc. She has taken on the mothering role and her siblings treat her like crap, sponging off her (borrowing clothes, money), demanding that she be there for them and aren't there for her when she needs them (at birthdays, hospital/GP visits, breakups etc).

Ask yourself this - how often does your sister do things for you? How often does she say thank you when you help her (and mean it, I might add!!!). How much does she show you that she cares about you, rather than just saying it? (words are cheap!)

[ledkr]

Sorry. feel bad now saying you sound jealous. it was Just a suggestion. Didn't mean to make you feel bad.

[expatinscotland]

Weddings have become ridiculous tho. We are 'always having to go to them involves hotel childcare etc. just been told of another one next may when our baby will be 3 months ill be still fat and its no kids. dh will be expected to go on massive bender abroad when ill be on maternity leave so not much money and prob won't be able to afford a family holiday because of it.
Can understand why the op is stressed but does also sound bit jealous.....sorry'

led, you're starting to sound like a real doormat.

no one is ever compelled to go to a wedding, or piss thousands up a wall on a stag weekend.

you can decline the invite and go on a family holiday, you know.

your DH can decline going on some ridiculous stag weekend.

[letsblowthistacostand]

It sounds very unpleasant but it will be over in 2 weeks!

Can I just make a suggestion: should she have a child at some point, DON'T look after it. Don't offer to. Don't acknowledge any hints. If she asks you directly, just tell her no. Start steeling yourself for it now.

[CarGirl]

Definately draw a line under how things have been. When she asks you to do stuff can you do a lighthearted laugh "you're a married woman now, get your hubbie to do it!" and def do not look after any future children that she may have! I would actually recommend getting a job or doing some trainig specifically so you can't.