Feel bad about this, but didnt know what else to do at the time, wwyd?

[laloony]

firstly i cant begin to explain to you how terrified of dogs i am. big, small, it doesnt matter, i feel sick, shake and feel terror utter utter terror if one comes near me.
i cross the road if i see one, always been like this.
so pils have one.

went to pick ds & dh up from there last week, knocked on the door, and it began to bark, its head off.
sweats started, stomach churned, began to shake.
dh answered the door with the dog behind his legs barking like mad. he turned a held the dog by its collar but it jsut went on and on barking.
i could not go round it without it touching me as it and dh were blocking the doorway. so it told him i would wait int he car.

i dont got to pils for many reasons, but one of which is the dog.
so mil came out and although was nice, was obviously gobsmacked that i wouldnt come in the house,
i appologised and explained, but she clearly wasnt happy.
i just cant be in a room with a dog, i cant.
a room with pil & a dog....then hell no, but they dont get it.feel a bit bad about it.

[YunoYurbubson]

Phone them and explain?

[Honeydragon]

I think if I were you I would of posted this in chat for help.

I think if you have a phobia that bad it might be worth seeking help, particularly as you have children. I don't think this is case of yabu or yanbu. You did something you are not happy about, and you seem unhappy you have upset the inlaws. Hopefully someone may be able to steer you in a direction that could help you.

[Gibbon]

Surely if you are married to their son they would know this?

Is it a new dog?

[Glitterknickaz]

PIL could be a little bit more understanding tbh.

However if I had a phobia that was affecting my life to the extent this is now affecting yours I'd seek treatment tbh.

I am phobic of wasps and can mainly avoid them but if it gets any worse I'm going to have to look into it. I do understand your terror, really I do, but might be worth looking into the options now.

Good luck

[LilQueenie]

yanbu You have a phobia and if others cant realsise that then they are ignorant. Im much the same with dogs due to being chased by a few as a kid (once when in my pram)

[atswimtwolengths]

Apparently hypnotherapy works well with this phobia.

I know exactly what you mean - I don't like dogs and wouldn't go into a house where a dog was barking. Even if they're asleep, my eyes are on them!

Why not write your in-laws a note, explaining your phobia? I do think that many dog owners have no idea how scary the dogs are to others.

[AgentZigzag]

Some people, because they can't feel the emotion themselves, think other people are putting it on, or should get a grip of themselves.

I've been bitten a few times by dogs and used to be like you, we've got one now so I'm much better, but other people who love their dogs just can't understand how terrified you can be of them.

If you took what they were scared of and applied it to dogs perhaps they'd understand?

Or perhaps not as you've said you've got other issues with them anyway, it doesn't seem like they really want to understand and are just seeing you as being melodramatic.

I'm surprised your DH didn't put the dog out of the way so you could go in. I think he's going to be the key to this one, he can understand how you feel and should be sorting it out for you.

[laloony]

dh does know im scared of dogs but we have absolutely no contact with them normally.
ils have had dog for years, but because they adore it, they presume every one else will...its not a "dislike" its a terror.

i just dont go to their house, only went to the door to knock and collect them, but he was saying "come in for a brew" while holding this barking dog by its collar. jumping up at me...teeth and everything......
nonononono..

[firsttimemum77]

My parents have a dog! The dog terrifies me and I refuse to enter the house if the dog is inside. They know this, so when I visit with dd the dog is put in the back garden with the back door firmly locked!

My DD has and will never stay at my parents house because of the dog. It's a staf bull terrier and jumps on anyone in site and I just couldn't risk my dd being there.

Anyhows, my point is that I have explained this to my parents and they respect my wishes. I totally understand where you coming from, just have a word with you pil - if they don't respect your feelings, understand your phobia then you don't need to feel bad about not going in if the dog is there.

[laloony]

did stay for a cuppa one year (about 4 years ago, they put dog ina nother room with door shut) only stayed for half an hour but there were fucking dog hairs hanging off the cup...bowk! so never since

[HecateQueenOfWitches]

Get CBT.

It cured my needle phobia. And that was so bad that I discharged myself from hospital more than once after life threatening asthma attacks because they came at me with needles!

I also could not have a vital operation before the CBT because I seriously would rather have died than had the needles and cannulas etc. That's how bad it was! Death was a better option! Reading that now it is so shocking, but that's how I felt.

I had to have several months of CBT, it was not a quick thing. But I had the operation. And now I go for 3monthly vit b12 injections (I will be on them for life), and have even had blood tests. I can now have my annual flu jab, which I couldn't before!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to get injections and have blood taken recreationally! but I can cope just fine. Deep breaths. I get it done.

So have CBT. I highly recommend it.

[Vallhala]

Can the PIL not put the dog in another room when you visit? Would you feel safer then?

I can comprehend dog owners not wishing to do this under normal circumstances as it's not a good way to train and deal with a dog and I can equally understand a flat refusal to do so just because someone dislikes dogs or ignorantly thinks that because the dog is a Staffie it is a danger to their precious child, as I'd be the first to then tell a visitor to go home but this is different. Surely your PIL are aware of your phobia and could be asked to be sympathetic?

WRT dog hair though, well that's a different matter. People have dogs. Dogs moult. Most of us have the Dyson seemingly permanantly on the go but still there is hair. Many of us will say, hey, you know we have a dog, hair goes with the territory, stop being so fussy!

And unless you have a phobia about dog hair or a serious allergy, they'd be right.

I agree that some sort of therapy to overcome your fear of dogs may be helpful as you will meet them everywhere, in the street, in the park, at friends houses and so on and life must surely be difficult for you atm. However it seems to me that there is far more going on here and that you would be adverse to having to spend time with the PIL anyway.

[laloony]

Na, they just dont get it.
When i have been previously they ahve put the dog in another room, then after half an hour or so, they let it in.
it comes up to me and they say "ahhh look shes saying hello to you"
i just think nonono get it the fuck away from me, made excuses and have left.

It makes me wretch the thought of dog hairs on crockery. it is disgusting.

I just keep away. its best.

No contact with dogs in life to speak of, i move away quickly if i do see any. so not normally an issue.

[ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave]

I don't have a phobia about human hair or an allergy to people, but I'd be seriously put off if there was human hair hanging off the cup of tea I was given. I don't think that feeling the same way about dog hair is über fussy.

[HecateQueenOfWitches]

Well, it is an issue because you have to arrange your life in such a way as to avoid them.

Not being an issue would be you not really liking dogs, but not having to take any action to avoid them if you crossed paths with one.

Seriously would advise CBT.

[Starbuck999]

YANBU - Why can't they just shut the dog in the back yard as they know it terrifies you so much. Really your DH should have known better than to answer the door to his wife who is petrified of dogs with a snapping barking dog behind his legs!

Valhalla - I am not ignorant at all. I would not let my child spend the night or spent time in ahouse where the was a Staffie running free. They are dangerous animals, not the sort of animal I want near my dd. From my experience it is too great a risk and I care too much for her safety and do honestly believe it is irresponsible to have one around a young child.

[rainbowinthesky]

Staffies are fantastic with children unless not socialised or trained which is like any dog.

[laloony]

its people who say stuff like that as well "XX dog is JUST being friendly" or "xx dog is fantastic with children, wouldnt hurt a fly"
"soft as anything" is another one.

it makes no difference to me, i am petrified, and do not want to be any where near them.

[Morloth]

YANBU, but I would maybe see about doing something about this for your sake. It is sad to have such a deep terror of something so commonplace.

My friend has a dog who I think is dangerous, she treats the dog like a child with predictable results. My kids don't go there, not a fucking chance and I quite like dogs.

My sister has two staffies who are impeccably trained and socialised and I am quite happy there with the kids (under supervision), same with the working dogs at Mum's/my brothers (though the kids stay away from them because they are not for playing with children, but the dog's know they are not allowed in certain areas). Mum's chihuahuas are vile little things though and the kids don't touch them because the fuckers bite.

[rainbowinthesky]

You really do need to get some help. How do you manage to take your dc to parks and friends houses?

[Starbuck999]

Ok rainbow, well in my experience of working within the NHS and for the ambulance service I have seen children who have had their faces bitten to shreds by sociable and well trained darling little staffies - so I have to disagree with you on that one.

My own cousin had the most well mannered dog I have ever met (staff) they had him from birth, well trained, great with kids and he adored her, one day she bent down to pet him and he jumped and bit her face, hard - for no reason. They are animals, they are dangerous animals and they could easily kill a small child if they wanted to. I would never leave my child in a house with one.

[dolphin13]

starbuck999 you ARE being very very ignorant

[skintbint]

get some treatment, or you will pass this fear on to your dc, which will in turn affect their life.

[Morloth]

It doesn't matter if Starbuck is being ignorant, she doesn't have to subject her kids to any dog she doesn't like the look of.

Many dog owners appear to be under the impression that everyone would like their dog if only people got to know them, it isn't true. Starbuck doesn't need a reason to not visit a house with Staffies, if she doesn't want to then that's it.