My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

to feel angry that everyone feels entitled to comment...... about everything!

53 replies

giantpurplepeopleeater · 05/08/2010 08:04

Ok - so maybe I am being unreasonable, and if that is the case then I would appreciate someone calming me down as I am new to all this and getting quite and at all this.

I am a new mom to be... not even that far along (24 weeks) but have just started to really show - although I still think I look like I have just eaten a few too many pies!!

But for some reason, my friends, family and even complete strangers have taken to felling that they can comment on absolutely everything I do/ say/ the way I look and I think it is bloody rude.

I'm normally a very private person and don't spend hours discussing myself with friends/ family and can be especially shy around strangers so am not the type to start randomly chatting on the bus or anything. However in the last few days I have had the following comments from people that have not been solicited in anyway - in fact sometimes we haven't even been in conversation or talking about my pregnancy.

Mom -
'is eating all that cheese healthy for the baby (2 x cheese on toast in grill)'
'you know your going to put a stone on in weight - you should look into joining a gym now'
'are you ready to be parent? its the hardest thing in the world'

Friend -
'God you look really pregnant in that top. My god thats the first time you have actually looked pregnant (this while showing her the new maternity top I just bought '
'you know I couldn't live with out x, y and z - you must really buy these expensive piecies of tat and follow this book I did'

Strangers in the street -
'Oh look your pregnant. Ooh you just wait till the birth, mine was hell'
'See! They are everywhere. People popping out sprogs for the Government to support' (old man to his friend as he walked past me in coffee shop)

So what is it that I am doing wrong that people can say these things to me without my even bringing up the subject????

And AIBU to tell them all to keep their comments to themsleves in future???

OP posts:
Report
SloanyPony · 05/08/2010 08:08

Like a lamb to the slaughter. This is one of the main annoyances of pregnancy (apart from all the other stuff which under the circumstances I better not mention!!!)

But it kind of gets worse when you have the child - because then they are commenting on your parenting and choices.

Which is why you are really going to have to take a different attitude to it and perfect the "smile and nod" technique.

Otherwise you will go crazy.

PS: If you only put on a stone, you are doing very, very well.

Report
echt · 05/08/2010 08:10

Oh dear, it's the public property aspect of pregnancy. Everyone's an expert.

In the end, they mostly mean well.

Cultivate a patient, slightly amused look. Nod knowingly.

You'll need it for when you are a parent.

Report
ChippingIn · 05/08/2010 08:12

I wouldn't if I were you. Although it's difficult for you, your Mum & your friends are just saying the normal things people say, so I think you're just going to have to get used to it really - or tell them that you don't want them to pass any comment on your pregnancy/birth/baby/child for the next 20 odd years - which isn't really practical. They are just interested & want to be involved With your friends comment about looking pregnant in that top - I guess it depends if she said 'Oh my god, you can't wear that, you look pregnant in that top' or 'Oh that's so lovely, you actually look pregnant in that top'....

Random strangers will also comment - get used to it. If they are particularly rude then there's nothing stopping you biting back - so you could have said 'No actually, my husband & I (or whatever is appropriate) will be supporting this baby - thank you very much!!' but there's no way in hell you are going to be able to stop every man, woman, chid & dog commenting on your pregnancy - it's just the way it is!!

Report
Fizzywinelover · 05/08/2010 08:14

Yes, this is the worst thing about being pregnant, all the bloody comments. And yes it does get worse. Since having my baby, I have had more comments about various parenting choices. I have had someone e-mail me telling me how 'disappointed' she is that i am not exclusively breastfeeding (I am mixed feeding); i have had a comment that i should have lost the baby weight by now (baby is 4 weeks old... I have lost 1 and a half of my 2 stone) I have had a comment that I MUST have another child as it is selfish to have one (I am an only, and besides, one child at a time please)I have had comments that I took my baby out to a pub for lunch with family when he was 11 days old (I should be at home breastfeeding and how disgusting to be out with him so young).

People should just fuck right off with their comments actually.

Report
StewieGriffinsMom · 05/08/2010 08:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Ilythia · 05/08/2010 08:16

I feel your pain.

have you had random strangers grab at your belly yet? That's annoying
I once told a woman I wasn't pregnant after she had grabbed onto my (6 month pg) stomach just to get her to take her fucking hands off me.

You know people talk about smug pregnant woman/new mothers? THIS is why, they aren't being smug, that expression is actually 'oh do fuck off, I am not 12 years old and I can actually make decisions for myself'

Report
Fizzywinelover · 05/08/2010 08:18

People commenting when I was pregnant about my body shape drove me nuts. I recall a friend of DH;s saying that finally i would have some tits, and wasn;t Dh lucky. (for example).

Oh, don't get me started. [grumpy]

Report
Fizzywinelover · 05/08/2010 08:20

Yes, random people touching your stomach fucks me right off too. [waitress at restaurant. Woman on tube. Male colleague. neighbour I cannot stand]

Right, I am hiding thread before I really lose my temper.

Report
patchworkquilt · 05/08/2010 08:23

I used to make a point of saying, in response to 'how are you going with the pregnancy?','well, except for the huge amount of unsolicited advice I have been getting, it is just too much'. That way I nipped it in the bud before people launched into all manner of advice and generally, negative stories of their experience.

Mind you - just after I said that once, my brother-in-law told me how he felt I should handle my labour (drugs, no drugs etc etc)! I did, at that point, burst out laughing. He looked shocked, but he got the point!

Good luck and enjoy

Report
Ilythia · 05/08/2010 08:26

In fact, looking at this thread and the language on it I would say you were very far from being U.
I have to say, I found women with older children the worst for this.
My boss actually showed me a photo of herself unconscious and covered in blood in hospital after the birth of her ds (I nearly died there was so much blood!) wtf anyone thought it appropriate to take a photo of her is beyond me.

Report
giantpurplepeopleeater · 05/08/2010 08:27

Oh god.....

So its not going to stop?

And its going to get worse?

And real life strangers are actually going to start grabbing at me?

Can I give it back now????????

I had no idea that the simple act of being pregnant would mean people would think they could act and say what they want to me. My god how niaive I have been!!

Patchworkquilt - I like your line. I am going to have to start practicing saying something like that..... and by the sounds of it grow some thicker skin or learn the art of selective hearing!!

OP posts:
Report
lolapoppins · 05/08/2010 08:33

When I was pregnant, there was on bloody nutcase woman who kept following me round the supermarket trying to grab my belly. I was so upset that I told her I wasn't pregnant, it was a cyst got rid of her though.

Report
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/08/2010 08:34

I never had any of this, never, only smiles and congratulations.

Report
anyabanya · 05/08/2010 08:40

patchworkquilt... (i ref to your BIL). I had a male colelague tell me that labour 'was not too bad'. he then went on to tell me that his wife had laboured for 16 hours, and ended up with a crash c-section but finished by saying that it was all quite fine and able to be coped with.

Yeah, for HIM.

What I did find though.... right towards the end when i was about to give birth, random strangers would just simply smile at me on the street and say 'good luck' or similar. That was really nice actually.

Report
lifeas3plus1 · 05/08/2010 08:42

I had a woman scowl at me the other day and inform me that I shouldn't be smoking when pregnant.

I don't smoke, and was sat at the table drinking my (decaff) coffee and Reading a paper!

I also hate the bump touching thing. I have 5 and a bit weeks of the pregnancy left now and getting really uncomfortable, last thing I want is some random stranger (or anyone for that matter) coming up and grabbing my belly.

More times than I can count on my hands I've had the "oh, do you know what you're having?

Me: Yes a boy
Them: look at my son and reply "oh shame, did you want a girl?

WTF

YANBU and now I'm angry lol.

Report
giantpurplepeopleeater · 05/08/2010 08:58

Oh no! I didn't mean to make anyone else angry!!!

It seems that this is a widespread problem - not that it helps anyone here but it does make me feel a bit better to know I'm not alone.

Alibaba - where do you live? I think I might move or come stay with you!

OP posts:
Report
pjmama · 05/08/2010 09:04

Get yourself one of these!

www.nappyhead.co.uk/acatalog/donotouchthebump.html

Report
MrsLevinson · 05/08/2010 09:15

I love this thread (though it's making me angry). I'm 34 weeks and am sick to death of comments such as 'my God you are HUGE!' and 'are you sure it's not twins?' (someone asked me that in seriousness - as if I wouldn't know). Apparently this is just people trying to be friendly, but in my hormonal state it makes me furious!!

Report
Marjee · 05/08/2010 09:17

Yanbu, people used to drive me crazy! I was 26 when ds was conceived, 27 when he was born but look much younger and for some reason people used to make the most awful assumptions about me. One day when I was about 35 weeks someone asked if I had told the father yet !

Also people feel the need to tell pregnant women horror stories about their birth, it used to drive me crazy!

Report
itsatiggerday · 05/08/2010 09:17

Best advice (OK it was unsolicited, but it was my midwife!) was to nod and smile at anything anybody said to you and then do precisely what you want to. Applies after the birth too, particularly to grandmothers. Better for your blood pressure during the pregnancy and your sanity and serenity throughout than blowing your top

Report
PosieParker · 05/08/2010 09:22

TBH, aside from the 'welfare' comment I loved the attention of being pregnant!!

Report
Threelittleducks · 05/08/2010 09:22

MrsLevinson, I feel your pain. I am HUGE and only 26 weeks. Very very fed up now with the 'twins' comment

Someone told me that it looked like I was having a 'comedy pregnancy'. Aye, it's really bloody funny!!

'And you still have three months to go!'

Yes I know. Please stop reminding me.

Also annoyed at the gender thing. Already have lovely 22 month old ds who is truly a brilliant child. The looks of pity I get when I say am having another boy....dn't really get why it is such a problem for other folk. I'm so happy to have another ds!!

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Marjee · 05/08/2010 09:25

I'd forgotten about the random strangers commenting on the size of my bump, too big/small/is it twins? etc. Very often all 3 in the same day. Its like people see a bump and need to comment!

Report
PussinJimmyChoos · 05/08/2010 09:26

Oh for pete's sake - get over it.

People mean well for the most part so don't dwell on it. I also cannot understand why people are so precious about the tummy touching thing - when pg with DS people touched mine and I just felt flattered they were taking an interest

Report
venusandmars · 05/08/2010 09:35

The question that annoyed me most was "have you been trying long?"

Err... what? Do you want all the details of how long we have been having sex without using contraception, or do you want to know if a condom split, or if it was a drunken night of passion, or if my we've been stuggling and worrying and hoping for months....

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.