Is it me or is this downright strange/rude?

[JaneS]

DP's just told me that a friend of his has turned down our wedding invitation because I make him feel uncomfortable and am scary. WTF?

There is a bit of backstory here.
This guy is part of a group of DP's friends who are barking mad a bit odd. When I first got to know DP he was living as a houseguest with a married couple and this guy. Now this guy had (and still has) a girlfriend, but all of them were very into bending your ear about their devotion to open relationships and how wonderfully relaxed they were about casual sex. So, having just split up with ex and being a bit of a mess, I chatted up this guy one night, and he was into it, but we didn't get further than a few kisses. A week or so later I slept with the other guy in the house, which was fairly unexciting sexually but, as far as I knew, no big deal given they were so insistent about the open relationship deal.

Since then, DP and I got together - DP had been being an absolute sweetheart and taking me out for coffee and rather shyly trying to chat me up in the middle of all of this! And for a bit he stayed living with these people, then he and I moved in together. And now we've been together about 2 years and we're getting married soon. I've not spoken to this guy in over a year, and I never felt as if I'd got to know him particularly well.

So, I'm a bit gobsmacked and not sure what to make of his reaction. I don't particularly care whether he comes to the wedding or not, but I am surprised he wouldn't make up a polite lie about being busy. Is it not rude of him to say this to DP? And do you think I'm supposed to do something about it? I have literally no idea what I've done to offend him and neither does my DP. It leaves a bit of a nasty taste in my mouth as I'm worrying if there was more to the sexual stuff than I understood at the time.

What do you reckon to it all? (If this post made any sense at all, that is!)

[JaneS]

Oh, I should say - the married guy and his wife are coming to the wedding, have no problem whatsoever as far as DP or I knows, etc. etc.

[StealthPolarBear]

might have nothng to do with that
are you scary??

[Hassled]

Well yes, both strange and rude. There's nothing you can do about it, and it doesn't sound like you're going to lose out on a great wedding guest - and whatever it is about you that's making him uncomfortable is all in his head, and shouldn't be your problem.

[SirBoobAlot]

Sorry I think that's quite funny. And I don't think you're scary much

[QueeferSutherland]

Maybe the wife is uncomfortable?

Are you, in actual fact, a dragon?

[JaneS]

I don't think so!

I really barely know this guy (I grant, it is perhaps not particularly edifying that I tried to sleep with someone I barely knew, but oh well). I am reasonably friendly but I've never found much to talk to him about when DP was living with him. I'm racking my brains to think how a 5'5 student could be frightening to a 6'5 guy about a decade older?

[SirBoobAlot]

Really don't worry about it too much, Dragon. Sounds like he wouldn't have exactly made the day special.

[JaneS]

SirBoob, I think it's quite funny too, but odd as well. I posted about the woman a few weeks ago when she came out with some craptastic PC drivel, so they do manage to keep me amused.

Queen - he doesn't have a wife, that's the other guy (do keep up! ). His girlfriend's met me all of twice, although my best mate tells a wonderful story of going clubbing with her and her wearing a sort of cut-out metal bra (no kidding), and proceeding to tell off men for looking at her (visible) nipples.

And he finds me scary ...

[rubbersoul]

scary?! tell him to grow a pair?

[ReasonableDoubt]

He sounds loopy. Forget him.

[SirBoobAlot]

He sounds like a bit of a fruit cake.

[Maisiethemorningsidecat]

Didn't you say in your OP that he was barking mad?! He's proving you correct, isn't he.

Ignore ignore ignore, and enjoy your wedding without him there staring at you with his big, mad goooooooooooogely eyes

[CuppaTeaJanice]

I'm a bit confused - do you mean you slept with DP, or with the married man the week after snogging the odd guy?

Do you think maybe he liked you and was a bit put out that your relationship didn't go further? And maybe the casual sex talk was bravado for the sake of impressing others?

He does sound strange though - maybe you should be glad he's not coming to your wedding!

[JaneS]

Yup, he is nuts. I just feel a bit bad for poor DP that he's marrying such a scary woman! Ah well, another little slice of nuttiness to file away in my mind.

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

Did you tell him he was sexually unexciting?

[JaneS]

Cuppa, cross post, sorry. I don't usually have such a slutty eventful love life, promise! I had a kiss with the guy who's refused the invitation, no more. I then slept with his housemate, the married guy. DP was then living with them (third guy in the house), and I got together with him later on.

This guy wasn't that interested, I'd have been up for sleeping with him but he said he didn't feel he knew me well enough yet, and basically I never really bothered to get to know him better!

I am glad he's not coming, but feel it wasn't nice to DP that he'd not make up an excuse for not coming. I kind of suspect he wants me to apologize for something, but I don't know what. I mean, why would you say something like that if you didn't want a response?

[JaneS]

at chickens. I did come to the conclusion that people who talk a lot about the sex they're having, probably aren't that good at it.

[EnglandAllenPoe]

oh well, you've saved the cost of two additional guests tha you probs didn't need there anyway.

Win-win!