About His Birth Father?

[midori1999]

DS1 is 14. His birth father left when he was a couple of months old and I met my first husband when DS1 was almost 2 and he brought him up as his own. I am now divorced from this man, but have two other children with him, and he pays maintenance for all, although not much at the moment as he is unable to work fully due to injury.

DS1's birth father has paid around £20 a month maintenance since we split. Enforced by the CSA, who he has lied to. He lives a ridiculous lifestyle, on a boat, but spends a lot of money socialising and on his motorbikes etc. He often travels abroad on his boat for weeks/months at a time.

Since I married my first husband, DS1's birth father has seen DS a handful of times. Usually when we make it convenient by staying nearby with relatives. We have lived in Northern Ireland for two years and he has never once made the effort to see DS1, although he has seen him twice for a day when we were staying nearby. I have even offered to put DS1 on a plane if they collect him the other end.

I have never once bad-mouthed this man to my DS and haver always facilitated seeing him when we can. He insists on ringing DS on his mobile and sending parcels to him at school, where he weekly boards, in his own surname, despite the fact that DS had has my ex husband's surname for absolutely years and he knows this.

Anyway, now he wants to see DS1 during the summer. DS1 is staying with his brothers and my ex husband for two weeks in the summer, and DH and I have agreed to take him there and collect him due to ex husband's injury. (He has always made the effort to travel himself previously). DS1's birth father wants to meet DH at the ferry port when he has collected the DC and collect DS1 from there, and then return him, via ferry, a couple of weeks later. All made slightly more of a hassle as DH is trying to arrange to see his own DC whilst collecting/dropping off mine.

I am so tempted to tell DS1's birth father that if he wants to see DS he must just collect him from home and drop him off from home and he cannot keep only seeing him when it is convenient for him. I am also worried that he is not a responsible parent and will allow DS1 on his motorbike, which he does not ride responsibly and that he will smoke drugs in DS's presence. (I hope DS has the sense to refuse this if he is offered).

I did have a bit of a chat with DS last night about his birth father, whilst trying not to be too critical, but the upshot is, he still wishes to see him. (I think he thinks he is 'cool' whilst we're just boring parents)

I'm pretty sure IABU if I prevent DS seeing his father, but I am genuinely worried about this safety when he is there, although a part of it would be that I am sick of him not making the effort. Another solution would be that he stays over here, in a holiday home that is very inexpensive (£7 a night) and only sees DS here.

[BAFE]

If it were me, I would tell the father that if he wanted to see ds in the hols he had to pick him up and drop him off personally.

Especially if I had the kind of complicated personal life that you seem to have .