to think some mums act strange or am I strange?

[upsetfedup1]

Why do some mums invite my DC to their house for a play date, use it as an opportunity to quiz me about my life, what I do etc and then feel the need to snub me the next time I see them?
Why do some mums have no interaction with me in public but want to be my best friends in private?
Who do some mums like to focus on my misfortunes and try to cover up their own?
Why do some mums like to highlight the one time my DC misbehaves in public where their child is an awful, spoilt little madam, constantly?
Who do other mums always try to outdo you when you are simply sharing the fact that you had a nice weekend (well you did ask!)?
Why are some mums feel threatened because you are a professional mum/or you drive?
Why do some mums play this competitive game of ? ?how many other mums did you say hello to this morning?? every morning?
Why do some mums think it is OK for them to blatantly walk past you but then be ultra shocked when I return the favour the next time I see them?
Why do some mums (even some in their 40s) revert to play ground behaviour by whispering and trying to get others to ostracise you from a clique that you never wanted to be in the first place?
Why do some mums thrive on making others jealous?
Why do some mums laugh at my mono-lingualism
Why do some mums turn their children against other mums because of their own personal views?
Why do some mums only want to talk to you when certain other mums are not around?
Why are some mums conveniently never around when their children terrorise other children?
Why do some mums always want my DC to come to their house but will never accept an invitation to mine?

I am sensitive, yes I admit that. I do not expect everyone to like me but sometimes the school run and its politics just gets me down. I try hard to be pleasant and consistent with all parents. Some I have more interactions than others but sometimes it?s the ones that you think you are making a headway with always kick you when you are down or just stab you in the back. All in all it just hurts!

My DH says it is jealousy, that I unknowing inspire others and make them feel inadequate at the same time, as I seem to ?have it together? whatever that means!!
I do not really know what others may or may not possibly see when they look at me but I feel constantly underestimated or made to feel irrelevant, or one that ought to be kept in my place. I look like the youngest mum in the class and i 'm unmarried does that have something to do with it? I don?t look ultra trendy, but I try to come across confident for the sake of my DC but at times I am quaking inside.
I often look at myself. they cannot be all wrng and i right, I have changed my approach and how I deal with it all but even after 2 years i feel like it is 2 steps forward and 3 steps back

All I really would like is one close parent friend at the school who does not feel like they want to compete, who I can talk to without feeling like I have revealed too much or not enough. Why is it so difficult for me. I was getting somewhere or so I thought and then I noticed another mum who mysteriously stopped talking to me watching my blossoming relationship with another mum and she went and targeted my ?friend? and my ?friend? over time became less of a friend. I feel so stupid even writing this as I feel like I am back at school surely there are others going through this too or is it really that I am over sensitive or maybe just not a nice person or not popular enough.
PLEASE HELP

[BAFE]

For goodness sake you sound about 12 years old you really do.

Just drop your kid off and go to work.

[Hassled]

I don't think you're over sensitive or not nice enough or not popular enough, but I do think you are over-thinking the whole thing WAY too much. It really isn't this complicated or political or anything - all any of you are doing is collecting your DCs from school, and that's it. Go in, get them, leave. Leave it as late as possible so there's less loitering in the playground.

What you need is a better social life away from school. Is there a hobby you can take up - a sport or something?

[Ladyanonymous]

Seriously - chill.

Rescue remedy is good so I hear.

[gerontius]

Has someone really laughed at your monolingualism?

[scaryteacher]

My advice would be to find friends out of school, women you like and want to be mates with, not the school mums if you have nothing in common with them apart from the education of your children.

I taught when ds was at prep, so was not part of the crowd, and here, he gets the bus to school, so I am not involved in the school gate mafia. I get involved with things for school, but pick what I want to do, and that doesn't equate to wanting to be bosom buddies with the other mums who help as well.

Be comfortable in your own skin; if you are at ease with who you are, who cares what the rest think?

[compo]

I think you are overthinking it
just smile and be friendly
go to any class mums trips for coffee or dinner that are organised and be friendly
go to class parties with your child and stay and chat to the other mums
why would your dp suggest the other mums are jealous of you?

[OrmRenewed]

Gosh, do they? How odd.

[Headbanger]

It's not them, it's you.

I'm not trying to be rude. I honestly think it highly unlikely they're giving you/it/your DCs enough thought for any of this to be malicious (or indeed real...laughing at your monoligualism? Really?!).

[BAFE]

If the other mums laugh about your mono-lingualism would it be at all feasible for you to pretend that your bi-lingual - you can choose a really obscure language like serbo-croat and pretend your fluent in that.

That'll teach them to laugh at your mono-lingualism.

[diamondsandtiaras]

you're seriously overthinking and over-analysing! Does it matter? Just drop your kids off and be off on your merry way IMO.

btw what do you mean "mums laugh at my mono-lingualism"???

[Headbanger]

Eleanor you are naughty

[Carbonated]

I expect you are giving off slightly mad vibes TBH.

[Pancakeflipper]

do people really count how many people they said morning to?

I think you need to develop a thicker skin. Go, smile, nod, leave children and go.

[diamondsandtiaras]

eleanor

[Headbanger]

...as long as they're not laughing at your cunnilingualism.

[Easywriter]

I'm not saying that you are depressed but just want to share my story with you.

I felt something similar about a year ago. I cried constantly and was terrified of going to the school playground, I was very paranoid.

It turns out that I was depressed, and not about the school playground either, it just happened to be the straw that broke the camels back (even tho the depression was nothing to do with the playground in anyway).

Is everything else alright in your life?
You do seem overly sensitive.
I'd limit the time you spend in the playground by aking pick up's and drop off's as quick as possible.

[darkandstormy]

OP This is why I tend to just do pleasantries but not get involved with the other mothers, aside from one or two others who have become genuine friends.

[lolapoppins]

It's nt just mums who do what you describe, it's just some people in general.

Fwiw, I noticed it more when ds was little, as with toddler groups etc I was around other people more than ever (tend to keep others at arms length usually).

Lots of people are terribly insecure about something or other in thier lives, or jealous, or are having a bad time and then take it out on others to make themselves feel a little better. Some people are just arseholes and cannot act any other way. Find a few nice people in life, stick with them, be polite to the rest of the world and don't let the way they chose to act get you down.

And like someone else said, drop your kids off, smile and walk away.

[Jamieandhismagictorch]

Where do you live? It sounds really horrblie!

There are a nasty contingent at my DCs school but it's a real minority. Sounds like you've had some bad experiences and are now over-sensitive as a result.

I think it might be best to withdraw emotionally from the playground. Just see it like visiting the corner shop - you are doing it for a purpose, and if you speak to someone there it's a bonus.

[ShirleyKnot]

"Why do some mums laugh at my mono-lingualism "



What have they said? "ha-ha! you only speak English!"

You sound quite paranoid to be honest. Your list of grievances is long and slightly mad - The first bit about "quizing" you about things is odd. Maybe they're just trying to have a chat?

[PantsMacabre]

How old are your children? By the time they are a junior you should be able to roll them out your car as you drive slowly past the school door. Then park two streets away and have them walk to you after school.

Problem solved

[MarineIguana]

I think people can be like what the OP describes and I think some mums do revert to playground bitchiness if their lives revolve around the school run and their DC. Not all, but you probably don't notice those who don't take part in this crap because they get away quick.

You can't stop this - you can only rise above it and ignore it. If you're not finding good friends among the school mums - ignore and look elsewhere.

FWIW I am always unintentionally blanking people because I am terrible at noticing them and am normally miles away thinking about something else. I would be a hopeless "victim" for someone trying to blank, exclude or whisper about me as I wouldn't notice. Try to be like that!

[toddlerama]

Monolingualism? Do they talk in a second language around you so that you can't understand? That is rude, but hardly offensive, just irritating. Get some friends away from the school with a hobby or something. If it happens again - sorry, it's you. Do you have friends at work?