I think you need to do it when the time is right for YOU. Its entirely a personal decision. Many people take a few steps in their search, then stop, perhaps even for years, then take up again later.you may even decide never to do it and make peace with your past as you know it. that's fine, there is no right or wrong way to do this.

I did some searching off and on in my 20s. I would get one piece of information, then think " that's all i wanted to know".

Then months or even years later, I would decide to search a little further and I didn't meet my biological mother until I was 30. It wasn't a wonderful success but it did help me make sense of things

I wish you every happiness in your marriage and success in your career

I don't think it's silly MrsHiggins Perhaps the reason you are motivated is because you are starting to feel in a safe place to do so, but you're right, it is probably sensible to consolidate that foundation first.

I have thought hard about the advantages and disadvantages of looking at my files and I have decided that there is just too much potential for upset and anger for me to risk it at the moment. The last 15 months have been the happiest time of my life, I'm getting married and I have started to experience life with a stable and happy family. I think that finding out all the details of why I was never adopted, regardless of if my birth parents created the problem, would be silly. Perhaps later?

Can I ask why you have name changed?

Did you say you were 22?

I find it so sad that 15 years after SS messed up my chance for an adoptive family, they were still making a hash of things.

Mrs Higgins - maybe you are not ready to look into your past and I would not feel pressured to do so. People come to these things at different times in their lives and for different reasons. Very often the birth of a first child prompts people to want to know more about their origins. Am assuming you don't yet have children but might be wrong as you are on MN.

I agree with Kristina - think there must be more to your "story" than you have been told.

I'm not sure how it works there, but I think it's odd that you weren't adopted as an infant! Here there are waiting lists YEARS long for an infant or small child.

My husband and I are planning on adopting at some point and we're going to go through the foster care system. I hope the child who will be ours is half as lovely a person as you seem to be, OP.

I'm sure your wedding will be gorgeous! Good luck on your special day.

I think you are very sensible... you are embarking on a new and wonderful chapter of your life and I hope it's a long and happy chapter. All my good wishes

On re-reading what I have written the last couple of days I have noticed that I come across as far more negative about my childhood than is really the case. And I'm sorry about that. I don't know if I am ready to learn the whole truth about my early years. Perhaps after my wedding would be more sensible because I really don't want to risk spoiling such a special forward looking time of my life with events in my past.

i agree with everything that cargirl said - to get some answers you need to see your Ss record.

i suspect that the "truth" is much more complicated than the story you have been told.if you were truly a foundling then you would probably been placed for adoption. Even 22 years ago there were many families queueing up to adopt a baby.

I suspect that you were in care for some years for reasons to do with your birth family.

i would urge you to find out more - although it will be painful and will probably make you very angry, you obviously need to know about your past.At the moment you are taking the blame or responsibility upon yourself, when in fact the answer to your question probably lies in the poor decisions made by adults who should have cared for you.

norcap might be able to help you, or at least point you in the right direction

good luck