struggling to conceive - please come and tell me about Adoption
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(23 Posts)
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DH and I are currently trying to conceive but after 14 months of trying we're soon going to be making a visit to the doctors to discuss investigations. I realise this is early days and we might still be successful, but IVF is not available from my NHS trust until you are 36 (and I'm currently 29). I absolutely don't want to wait that long, and having thought about it, I think I would prefer to adopt than spend every spare penny on paying for private IVF. I just feel that I would be as happy to give non-biological children a home.
I spent a few university holidays doing playschemes with children from very difficult backgrounds (aged 8-16), many of whom were passed from one foster home to another, and I really feel that I would love to give a home to children that really need it. Its obviously something DH and I wiill have to think about really carefully, and I wondered if people had suggestions for good books to read as an introduction, to get us thinking and talking about all the issues?
also, are there things I could be doing to help ready myself, both for the process of getting approved and also for the reality of adopting children? I was thinking learning to drive would help? do you need to have recent experience of caring for small children (e.g. through work or volunteering) or will it be fine if you don't have this?
so many questions!
thanks Kristina, thats helpful. gosh there's a lot to find out about!
you can make enquires of as many agencies as you like. but you can only be approved by one
thanks for all that information, it has really helped me understand the background.
one more, possibly silly, question - do people / can people register with more than one authority and / or agency - to increase their options? Or, given what you've said, is there not really any point?
Tiredfeet- A lot of the big voluntary organisations like Barnardoes, National Childrens Home The Catholic Society etc started out as children's homes but once children began to be fostered and adopted and the custom of having young children in children's homes for most of their childhood ceased (thank goodness) they changed their function to providing other kinds of services for children. One of these functions was to assess people for fostering and adoption, but of course (as I explained before) they don't have access to any children as they don't actually take children into care. It is only local authorities that have the statutory responsibility of taking children into care.
I'm not sure they would see themselves as acting as a "second tier" but it is actually quite a fitting description in my view. NSPCC and some of the other voluntaries do run projects for children, teenagers, young mothers, parenting classes etc and I wouldn't knock this, but they are so much better funded than Social Services and have the luxury of being able to run these sorts of projects because they can pick and choose what they do and don't have any statutory responsibilities. I've just watched the NSPCC advert and it always makes me a bit cross because they don't actually deal with child abuse. If child abuse is referred to them, they simply pass it on to social services and not many people realise this.
I think people register with the voluntaries for assessment for fostering & adoption because they are likely to be dealt with much quicker (again because they have more money, more social workers etc) whereas there is often a long wait with a l.a. - maybe a wait to go on a preparation course and then a wait to be assessed. As I said before many people don't realise how the system works and some voluntaries don't explain to people either.
As I said it may be that more children are being placed with the voluntaries by local authorities but yes I still think people assessed by them will be likely to have a long wait for a child in some cases, though this of course is dependent upon their ethnic origin and what their offer is. Social workers refer to "offers" as what kind of child people say they would be interested in e.g. a young child, an older child, a sibling group, a child from an ethnic minority, a child with a disability etc.
I don't mind helping in any way I can, so don't worry about the questions!
ah, that makes sense to me now, my fault I didn't quite see the implications of what you were saying before. I can see why people could get frustrated who signed up through an agency if what you are saying is that essentially they are at the bottom of the pile when it comes to an LA being likely to place a child with them?
so why do the agencies exist separately from the LA's, if all they do is act as a second tier? why don't people just register with teh LA?
sorry for all the questions, I am just genuinely curious to find out more about how the system works?
I didn't say anything was "terrible" tiredfeet - I was just trying to advise of one of the difficulties of being approved by a voluntary organisation. I am a few years out of l.a. SSD now as I'm retired and it may be that more children are placed for adoption via the voluntaries now, but I know in the l.a. for whom I worked for 25 years, placements for adotion were only "bought" from the voluntaries as a last resort because of financial reasons. The first choice is always to place with adoptors approved by the l.a. who is seeking an adoptive home for a specific child(ren) and if this isn't possible, then an inter-agency placement is the 2nd choice, (placement of a child with adoptors who have been approved by a different local authority) this involves an inter-agency fee but not as much as buying from a voluntary organisation. And voluntaries were used as a last resort.
I recall my agency advertising 2 children in "Be My Parent" and I took calls from people who were interested, and a particular couple stands out in my mind who had been approved by a voluntary agency, who were very distressed because they had not been matched. They had absolutely no idea of the reason and thought they were just unsuitable for some reason. I told them the real reason and they were very angry that this hadn't been made clear to them at the time they were assessed and approved.
I know that many approved adoptors have a long wait (dependent on their offer) for a suitable child to come along, but thought it worth sounding this note of caution.
RE Concurrent planning. I am unsure how many l.a.s run this scheme. I could never get my l.a. interested even though I think it a very good idea. For those who don't know about it, it involves taking a baby or young child on the basis of fostering initially, whilst the birth parents are being assessed as to whether the child can be returned to their care. If it safe for the child to return to the birth parents, then this is what happens. If however it is decided (and agreed by a court) that it is unsafe for the child to return home, then the foster carers are able to apply to adopt the child. In this way the child has the advantage of remaining with the same carers and so increasing the opportunity for secure attachments to be formed etc.
The carers have to go into this knowing that the child could return home and they have to agree to work with the l.a. in ensuring that
all efforts are made to try to re-unite the child with the birth parents............so a big risk, but excellent for the child if he is not returned home and can stay with the same carers.
I'm not sure whats so terrible about that NanaNina though, at least it means the potential adopters get found somehow?
the good thing about corum over la is you do get the suppotyou need for your child thru childhood. they run parenting courses etc. dont know about other charities but everyone i know has had a child placed with them in under a year.
look int concurrent planning as well, you could get a child from birth.
meant to say that "the volunataries will NO doubt carry out as assessment much quicker etc"
Don't know what Corum is, but just a little word of warning about voluntary organisations as opposed to local authorities. The voluntaries will not doubt carry out an assessment much quicker than a l.a. because they have the time as they do not have any of the statutory responsibilities of l.a. SSDs and much more money! If however you get approved by a voluntary you may well wait much longer for a placement. This is because local authorities have to "buy" placements from voluntary agencies when they can't place children with their own adoptors, and they obviously only do this when they absolutely have to because of financial reasons. All l.a.s are short of money!
Some of the voluntaries don't explain this to prospective adoptors and this is unfair. The voluntaries don't have any children for adoption, they have to rely on local authorities buying placements (prospective adoptors) from them.