Oinker, that gives me hope. I have a friend who didn't even manage to get the LA to start her home visits for 4 years, despite having paid £6000!! They told her they didn't agree with overseas adoption, and as such her case would be treated as low priority e.g. we'll do it when we feel like it. In the end she had to write to her local MP to get the ball moving.

MY ADVICE......... I have just finished with my preparation course and home visits. Social worker has started her report. We are at the begining of the end part if you see what i mean.
You need to phone as many local authorities as you can. Be prepared to do phone interviews. They will then invite you to their next information evening. It is a long drawn out process. We started in January this year and have ony got this far. It is very, very slow.... GOOD LUCK

in that case I would write to the local authority where you live ie where you pay your council tax. say that you wish to be assessed as potential adopters. they will probably send you written information and invite you to an information meeting some time in the next few months

good luck

I'm well aware that it is very hard. I have been quoted between £20,000 and £40,000 and between 4-8 years, which is why we are quite keen to get the ball rolling IYSWIM.

Obviously we are having some fertility issues, or I wouldn't be considering clomid, what I am trying to say is that preferable to enduring long tests and treatments such as IVF (I've heard to be almost as traumatic and trying as intercountry adoption at times!) we would be keen to just take the next step in adopting. In that sense our fertility issues might well be solvable, but we'd prefer to adopt than start down that road.

Checking with LA is proving difficult as we live on the border of three counties and they all keep referring us to each other and refusing to help

But not all. I wouldn't necessarily call it adopting for altruistic reasons anyway: you still want a child for yourself, just as much as if you were trying to conceive one. I am part of a half-biological, half-adopted family(2 biological siblings, one adopted inter-country). It was certainly not the case that my parents wanted me for selfish reasons and then adopted my brother for altruistic reasons: they were just as selfish about wanting him .

This sort of mixed biological and adopted family seems to be far more common in northern Europe, where inter-country adoptions are also still more common. But I believe it is more difficult in the UK.

Gracie - each adoption agency has their own rules, so you would need to check with your local authority

if you are only in your 20s with one bio child and no fertility issues i suspect you would find it very hard to find an agency to assess you to adopt. Its a very long, hard and often expensive process and most people who wish to adopt for altruistic reasosn drop out during it.

I know this is a really old thread, but...

Was wandering about the fertility thing too. We are keen to adopt from Russia, even though we already have a natural child. We have also been trying for a baby, but don't want to do IVF. We don't see adoption from overseas as a last resort to get a baby, we see it as redeeming our child from a culture that wouldn't care for it. As a result, I am only in my 20s and haven't been trying for a baby for years as I know some have.

We are considering taking clomid, to see if we can have another child before adopting, but would this jeopardise our adoption application in the uk, or is it only IVF that you have to wait after?

Dreaming - good luck with the injections

do you think you and your dh woudl find it helpful to go for counselling a part of your " de stressing "? Its such a diffuclt thing to go through...

please don't feel you have to decide now about teh IVF - its a long way off and you dont know how you will feel then. best not to close the door in your mind until you have to. I knwo its such a cliche but you need to take each step one at a time

FWIW I dont think of adoption as second best either( despite being accused of having said that). In fact I am an adoptee myself! I just think you have to be sure that you have come to the end of each step of YOUR journey befroe you go on to the next.

When most people think of starting a family, they imagine giving birth to a baby, not getting a 1 or 2yo with his/her own family background and circumstances and life experinces. There is no shame in having to grieve for that lost dream, if its not going to happen for you.

Its very easy for adoptive parenst to just sweep everything under teh emotional carpet as if it doenst matter. "well everythings ok now because we have our longed for child". These things do matter and they will matter in teh future - to the child if not to the parenst.Denial of diffenerce is not helpful - adoption is a diffent way of building a family. Its not right for everyone.


If you do go on to adopt there will be many difficult times ahead ( as there are on every journey to parenthood of course). You need to be as sure as you can be that you have doen and are doing teh right thing for you as an individual and as a family

I wish you all teh very best

Just coming back to this thread, thanks for other replies esp. Beemail - all informative and helpful.
We have decided to use the time on the waiting list for injections to try and 'destress', it's been a difficult 12 months on clomid and a lap&dye in Jan. I would never think of an adopted child as 'second best', but otoh cannot yet affirm in my mind that I won't have another child of my own, so I think I need to go for the injections. I won't be going for IVF if that fails. thanks again.

Thanks for the info - will contact my friend and see how far she's got but that's really helpful