Talk

Flip

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Adoption

Adopting No. 2?

7 replies

GirlsWhoWearGlasses · 31/08/2014 20:18

Hi all.

My wife and I have been talking about the possibility of adopting again. She's pretty keen.

I always thought we'd have more than one, but DD is so great and we're so happy. There are so many pluses and minuses. It's so hard to make a decision when it affects our DD as much as us.

How did any of you either decide to adopt a second child, or to stop at one?

OP posts:

Report

bberry · 01/09/2014 08:09

Hi,

Yes.... It is a really really difficult decision..... We had the same thoughts but having seen how our dd interacts with younger children of our friends and that she is very settled and has good attachment we have decided to go ahead.... It's another leap of faith but this time it's our dd's life too!!!

There's no real advice.... It's a decision you have to make knowing your child...

Good luck

Report

RhinosAreFatUnicorns · 01/09/2014 19:45

We decided to stop at one. It's just a gut feel that we are content. There are the sensible factors to take into account, such as space and finances. But for us DD is such a joy and we are so happy that I wouldn't want to upset that. We live in a community where she has lots of friends so being an only one isn't as big an issue.

Report

FamiliesShareGerms · 01/09/2014 19:57

We had a similar-ish decision to make regarding adopting DD when things were basically pretty good with just DS.

As bberry says, it's a leap of faith to make based on lots of things including whether you think overall your LO would better as an only or with a sibling / siblings.

DS was clearly made to be a big brother, and although we have our issues, adopting DD was the best thing for our family. We did however have to be pretty limited in the needs that we could consider, given the potential adverse impact on DS of very highly demanding needs.

Good luck with your decision

Report

Italiangreyhound · 03/09/2014 19:48

I always wanted my dd (birth child) to have a sibling. So adoption as an option was not hard but dd has found it so hard to adjust it is painful to watch. Ultimately, I wanted to parent another child and although dh was happy to stop at one he was also happy to try for another. I guess I just did not feel my family was complete but during the months before we started adoption process I came to the conclusion it was complete and so another child was just an added bonus. It certainly took the pressure off!

Report

Italiangreyhound · 03/09/2014 19:50

dd was keen for us to adopt too but I think she was very much expecting a baby and found a three year old a challenge. It continues to be a challenge for her more so than us and it is painful but I still feel it was right. It is my life just as it is her life and my parents never asked me if I wanted a sibling. They conceived my sis when I was 9 months old and when dd was 9 months old we starting trying again. We finally brought ds home when dd was almost 9 and a half years old. Ultimately, I feel you just have to both want it (another child) more than not want it. IMHO!

Report

MoJangled · 04/09/2014 18:07

We're trying to adopt a second DC following having DS via fertility treatment. It would have been WAY easier to stop at 1, on the wallet (9 failed IVF cycles) and the emotions (having to switch LAs, wondering if we'll wreck DSs life, realizing we've spent our entire married life trying to build our family at the cost of lots of other aspects). But in the end, three things keep us going: my strong drive to complete our family and the sense that it isn't complete yet; the capacity in our hearts to parent another child, when there are children who need a home; and the shared knowledge that DS shouldn't be an only child - he's happiest with playmates and it breaks my heart that he's alone so often. Good luck deciding!

Report

GirlsWhoWearGlasses · 05/09/2014 21:24

Thanks everyone for your thoughts.

We had a bit of a chat with our SW, so now we have an idea of timescales etc.

My weird thing is that I can imagine having 1, or 3 or 4, but 2 just doesn't feel right, yet there's no way we have the space, money or years of productivity left for a whole bunch of kids.

Anyway, we have another year or so before we would be able to get the ball rolling, so plenty of time to ponder.