Repeated links falling through due to FC wanting to adopt!

[Nonnimouse]

We have now had 3 separate links not progressing because LO foster carers have decided they would like to adopt LO. All of these LOs were very young, one of them we even asked are they sure FC didn't want to adopt and were reassured that no. I generally feel that it's great if children can stay where they have already formed bonds, but I'm starting to feel a bit jaded about this... It's almost like these Foster carers are going "oh well keep fostering and getting the fostering allowance and support (I know, very well deserved and not that high amount financially...) for as long as we can, and as soon as we are told there is a link BAM! We will apply to adopt the child. I could see this happening once, but three times? What is happening here?

[prumarth]

Oh no, that's awful. I'm so sorry you have experienced that and can understand your frustration. As you say, we all want these children to have security but this shouldn't keep happening during linking/matching and it shouldn't be a back door route to adoption. Have your adoption agency discussed why this has happened and how they can support you?

[CloserThanYesterday]

I haven't got any answers I'm afraid but just wanted to offer sympathy as a fellow post approval, pre matching limbo lander.

It must have been so hard to start to emotionally invest, and then be knocked back three times. Hang in there, and have this

[64x32x24]

Sorry to hear of those experiences Nonnimouse.

I'm never quite sure if I would prefer being kept in the loop (as in, there is a potential - actually no, this one won't work out - another potential - again, won't work - another one - yep this one can go ahead!) or if I'd prefer not hearing anything until there is quite some certainty. Waiting without hearing anything can be very hard; as being knocked back like that probably is, too.

From the child's perspective, it may save time if potential adopters are sought and contacted and provided the necessary information for decision making with, before there actually is any certainty. Then, once the certainty is there, things can move very quickly; rather than then having to wait for potential matches being identified, them getting the info, having time to digest it, maybe SWs need to choose between two or more sets of potential adopters...

So if all this can be done beforehand, that is probably better for the child; and as it is hard both ways for the prospective adopters, I think I lean slightly towards being told about potential links even if they are still uncertain (for whatever reason).

Regarding 'what's happening here?' I think it may be a local thing. I believe LAs differ strongly as to their position towards FCs wishing to adopt the children they are fostering. Some strongly discourage it. Some are happy for it to happen if the children aren't easily placeable but will otherwise discourage it. Some will positively encourage it and always ask the current carers first, so if a placement order comes through, before they even start looking for possible matches, they will ask the current FCs.

So this is pure speculation, but maybe your LA has (recently or since always) taken the approach that they want to minimise the number of moves for the children and therefore they do encourage FCs to consider adoption. I think this may actually be one of the government targets (or rather, an aspect on which LAs are 'scored') - reducing the number of moves - which can obviously be achieved by getting FCs to adopt. By looking for alternatives at the same time (so, asking you to consider a particular LO at the same time as asking current FCs to consider adopting) they are also trying to reduce timeframes/avoid delays for the children, which is also an aspect they are scored on.
Also, if you read the fostering boards, you get an impression that FCs for babies 0-2 are not in much demand at the moment (though I imagine that this varies regionally, too). So I can imagine that LAs aren't too sorry to 'lose' FCs who only did babies anyway; there are plenty of others to take their place. Whereas they might still discourage highly trained and experienced FCs of older children from adopting, because that would usually mean that they are then down a FC!

From FCs perspective, as they aren't per se approved to adopt, they can't apply to adopt until a child has been placed with them for 12 months, I believe. So, your thought that they are holding on to the fostering allowance until there is a whiff of a link, then decide to adopt; doesn't make sense (unless child has been with them for more than a year already). On the contrary, even if/when they do indicate that they want to adopt this particular child, they need to be approved to adopt first, so they will have to keep getting their fostering allowance whether they want to or not - until they have been approved and matched!

So it would seem to me that one thing that may be happening here, is that your LA has an abundance of baby FCs, and is trying to achieve 'targets' concerning limiting numbers of moves, and shortening times to permanent placement. Also that the feelings and needs of prospective adopters are not really being given much priority in all this.

[YouAreMyRain]

We had this happen with one match. We had met the LOs SW etc and the matching meeting was planned then we were told his FCs wanted to adopt him. The LA had said they were too old (60's) so they were applying for Special Guardianship. We were given the option of waiting to see what happened with the legal battle or moving on. We chose to move on. We had already bonded with the idea of him based on what we knew, it was heartbreaking.

I know how frustrating it is. Three times is terrible!

[Nonnimouse]

64x32x24 glad to hear it seems an unusual experience, let's hope it was just very bad luck then... Your thoughts make sense in general, but in our situation it was actually 3 different LAs from three totally different parts of the country, and the children had been with FC for more than a year (one was 2,5 and the other 2 were 3.) They are hard to place children though, due to disability, so I wonder if on some level the FC were not really expecting them to be adopted...

[2old2beamum]

Nonnimouse I think your last sentence hits the nail on the head. We have adopted 8 with special needs and 4 FC's were very against the children being adopted.

Thinking about it, the best placement was our youngest DS who was in a residential care the staff were nearly as excited as we were. It was a brilliant handover. After 10 years I still try to send them an update yearly.

I wish you all the best and hope things work out for you both. Please keep us updated

[2old2beamum]

Meant to add some FC's are shocked that people want to adopt children with complex needs. I'll say no more.

[Nonnimouse]

2old2beamum 8 with special needs, wow! I bet that your story is fascinating! I would love to hear more about it, privately, but if you are not happy sharing more i understand. They seem so shocked that we want to adopt #5, and only one of ours has special needs (3 birth children, one adopted as a relinquished baby with special needs-no behavioural challenges from anyone.) you inspire me that it will happen for us too...

[Nonnimouse]

(I also send a yearly update and photo to our sons foster carer and placing social worker... She was one of the lovely ones!)

[TulipsfromAmsterdam]

We adopted our fc and we registered interest from the beginning so no other prospective adopters were ever involved. I can see it must be very frustrating for this to happen 3 times though.
From a fcarer viewpoint we were discouraged by fostering team as they do not like to lose carers and it took months of meetings to get them onside. Also the allowances stop from match day so there is no adoption pay and loss of income is one reason fc's delay in applying. Usually the fc realises there is a match on the horizon and money becomes irrelevant in comparison to losing lo.
Hope you get the right match soon.

[hopefullmama]

I dont know the details, but the wait and let-downs you have experienced must be awful. I am also a LA FCarer, who asked to be considered to adopt my FC should the case go that way. However, I made my feelings known a year ago when placement started, so hopefully no other prospective adopters will be involved (we currently waiting for final court hearing & placement order). MY LA as a general rule is very against FCarers adopting their FC, especially if they are young and healthy. I absolutely had no intentions of adopting when I started fostering (although I had thought about it years ago), and have successfully passed previous FC on to adopters. However, I fell in love with my current child, and couldn't bear to be parted from him. Its a daunting prospect having to undertake the adoption process knowing that some in social services are not happy and maybe wont be as supportive as they are to regular adopters. I always tell myself that if something is meant to be, it will work out..... Hopefully you will find your forever child soon.

[Italiangreyhound]

I am really sorry this has happened to you Nonnimouse. It must feel terrible. I hope you will indeed find the right child and this forever child will join your family soon.

[Italiangreyhound]

Personally, I feel for some children it may be best to stay with their foster carer and for them to become their forever family. I know it is not in the plan for Looked After Children generally but for some children, I think, it may well work out.

The child doesn't get much (any - if young) say in who will be their forever family and for the majority of situations it seems social workers and family finders make the decisions. So for a foster carer to feel it is right to adopt a child that seems to me that it could be a good thing for child and foster carer/adoptive parent. Yes, the individual is lost to the service of fostering and that is a shame for the service but the child gets the continuity of care and it seems wrong that a person's job should dictate whether they can adopt and who they can adopt.

I just feel sometimes it does seem right that a child should stay and not have one more move. It could be devastating for those who get their hopes up and so I wonder how quickly foster carers are allowed to express that they may wish to adopt? I do think they should make it clear as soon as it is a real possibility to avoid just the sort of painful situation you are describing Nonnimouse.

Thinking of you.

[Nonnimouse]

Thanks everyone. I do agree that the child would in most cases be better off staying where she is already well known and settled, so I am in general pro foster carers adopting. It just smarts when it happens as soon as we have started working towards a link. I hope it works out for the children AND for us soon, matching is hard on the emotions (I expected it, having done it before, but still hard!)

[Italiangreyhound]

nonni be nice to yourself, treat yourself, you are a very special person and you new little one is out there and working their way towards you, just not super fast! I do feel it because we waited about 4 plus months for our link to even be mentioned, 8 to meet them and they were worth it.