stupidist things people have said to you when they have found out

[changedtoprotect]

You adopted

I will start the ball rolling

I adopted twins
Someone asked me if they were both adopted !

[Kewcumber]

"how selfish"

because I'm single

[Kewcumber]

Slightly different time frame...

"Does he speak English?"

DS aged 4 and having been with me in UK (from another country) since he was a pre-verbal baby!

[2old2beamum]

When our beautiful boy died one comment was, "Well it is not like losing one of your own" honest!!!

[wanttosinglikemarycoughlan]

2old that is shocking
I have a less shocking but similar. When DD was off the wall and setting fires and general destruction one of my work mates said well its not really your problem is it. I asked what she meant and she said it would be different if itcwere your bs you would be stuck with him but she can go back
I was asked if we had Madeline as it was at that time we adopted
A neighbour said I am surprised you can adopt such a pretty one

[odyssey2001]

2old that is horrible. One of the most deplorable things I have ever heard. I hope you told the cold-hearted arsehole to fuck off (pardon my French).

[2old2beamum]

I nursed a toddler who was adopted and was found to have a severe sight problem and the poor mum was told by a "friend" why don't you send him back.

What I would like to know what quick pithy remarks do you say to these insensitive people.

[Barbadosgirl]

The twin comment is priceless. The rest suggest to me some very disturbed minds. I could not think of anything pithy, I think I would just descend into some decent insults, peppered liberally with some swear words. 2Old, I am appalled on your behalf, so sorry you had to listen to such things x

[LastingLight]

Just the usual "don't you want one of your own" and "oh I would never have guessed"... as if adoptive families should somehow be identifiable on sight.

[2old2beamum]

Another one "Aren't you such a lucky boy/girl to get such a lovely mummy/daddy"

[kmarie100]

I got a gasp from a friend and "but you could have your own"

Also when I resently showed a pic of the family to a work colleague I got a surprised "you look like a normal family"

[KristinaM]

" was her real mother a prostitute ?"

[Devora]

I often get, "Where does she come from?" which I guess is partly people thinking the rate of overseas adoption is far higher than it actually is, and partly because she's black.

2old, that is not only a disgusting thing to say, but it makes you wonder at people's thinking process. We're all a bit self conscious about what to say to the bereaved - can you imagine that person thinking, "I know, I'll say this! Bound to make her feel better!". Like you would think, "She's right! No reason for me to be sad at all! I feel much better now!"

Truly despicable and I hope that person has repented at leisure. And I am so very sorry that you lost your child.

[Italiangreyhound]

So sorry for your loss 2old.

Maybe I am just lucky or maybe it is early days but I have not yet had any really negative comments. I am gob smacked at all those terrible comments.

[FamiliesShareGerms]

The twins comment is just a bit silly, and I suspect other parents of twins have similar stories (eg being asked if b/g are identical...)

The rest are somewhere between nasty, thoughtless, crass and idiotic.

I'll throw in my MiL's comment that she refers to her "imported GD" when talking about all her GC.... (I think she was just being thoughtless and idiotic)

[LastingLight]

Have you come across the attitude when your child behaves badly that "bad blood will out"? I got that one from someone I didn't expect it from...

[redfishbluefish]

Adopting DS is 'almost as good as having your own child'.

Regarding our decision not to have anything about DS on social media: 'What's wrong with him?'.

Idiots.

2old-I am speechless. That's beyond awful.

[MerryInthechelseahotel]

2old the pain of losing your beautiful son and then hearing that!

I was warned ds would have a tendency to violence, drink and drugs by a family member

[FamiliesShareGerms]

Yes, I've had comments about DD 's temper from a family member who should know better

[2old2beamum]

Thank you to you, all our lovely son and our other 2 angels still hurt so much and still hurt daily but we were so lucky to have them in our lives!!

Could write a book on crass remarks, As I was adopted by my DF's toxic wife I have many very strange remarks I have said to me.

Why oh why can't society think before opening there gobs (sorry this is such a lovely site)

[Devora]

Hey Maryz, I had a long conversation with someone from Norway at the weekend about the adoption system there. Sounded awful, made me think of Ireland.

[Greyhound]

My mum is adopted. Birth parents were unmarried.

My late sister was disabled and my mum's evil old hag of a neighbour told her that this was God's punishment for the fact her parents were not married.

Poor mum

[AngelsWithSilverWings]

A mum at our toddler group , in front of my then almost 5 year old DS , did the sympathetic head tilt and asked me very loudly why his real mum didn't want him.

I also got the "ooh you're brave!" comment.

I've also had the "oh I'd never have known comment" but I think it's because my two DCs look spookily like me.

[TheSarcasticFringehead]

I'm adopted. Family members would regularly say 'oh, this is TheSarcastic, their adopted child'. Even when I was a teen. If they were alive, they'd probably say it now. As if I was lesser and being adopted was important to tell every body or something. Also being told by my aunt 'do you like your real brother or adopted brothers better?' - apparently my only 'real' brother is my birth one who was, at the time, in foster care. They are and were all my real brothers, ffs.

She also regularly said stuff about my 'real mum' or simply calling her mum. She would ask me if I ever saw my mum. Well, yes. I lived with her but then she would go 'oh, yes, but your real mum'.