A little rant.

[lookingforsunshine]

So, this might be a little controversial but I wish so much that people who are pregnant did not complain quite so loudly or in front of me. I know I'll never be pregnant so I can't really say what it's like, presumably for some it does feel like the end of the world but for me (and many other women) I would do anything to be in their shoes. Pregnancy is not an illness and it does end. The end is a wonderful baby. At the minute there is a lady in my office who is 6 months pregnant. Each day she complains that she can't reach her toes, things are only going to get worse, she aches and gets tired easily. I just wish she would be quiet. I appreciate that everyone needs to have a moan sometimes maybe people just need to be a little sensitive towards where they do it. If you are complaining in a large office of girls, there may well be someone who would do anything to go through 'your suffering'. In the main, I've totally accepted that I'll never give birth. I barely think about it. In the past, hearing yet another friend was pregnant used to hurt so much. Those days are long gone. This is one thing I just can't accept though. Children are absolute gifts. If you are lucky enough to be able to have them, don't complain about the discomfort they cause you before they even arrive.
Rant over!

[CloserThanYesterday]

I'm with you sunshine.

The rational part of me reminds me that it's really me with problem, I wouldn't feel like it if I could have had the experience myself and I try and make sympathetic noises.

But mostly I just want to bellow a very well rehearsed (in my head) rant at them, and storm off dramatically. Sometimes I throw a drink, Peggy Mitchell style for extra effect.

[bberry]

I think people just don't think about it, and why should they really.... I am sure I have probably said hurtful things without realising it in the past in a different scenario....

But it does hurt..... My best friend moaned on Facebook about not being able to have a "drink" for another x months..... It really shocked me and I was majorly hurt by it... Given that she knew we had been trying to conceive for quite a few years by then..... She sees nothing wrong with it.... Hey ho.... Thanks Hun :-(

[Italiangreyhound]

Sunshine you will probably only stop her if you tell her you find it offensive, annoying or whatever and you will probably need to explain why. or you could try being rather annoying yourself and say something every time she says it.

Oh I can't touch my toes
Yes but isn't it lovely there will be a baby at the end of it

Oh I wish I could eat brie
Yes but isn't it lovely there will be a baby at the end of it

Oh I wish I could lie flat without heart burn
Yes but isn't it lovely there will be a baby at the end of it

A few times of that and she will either ask you to stop or the penny will drop and she will stop.

Two friends have three kids each (two separate ladies not one couple) and almost always start most conversions with complaints about how hard it is to have three kids. I know both wanted three so I tried to have zero tolerance and would often say in a wistful voice, "I would have loved to have three".

I have two, one by birth and one by adoption and am now happy but before ds came I found it very, very hard, especially when one, who knew all we had been through trying to have another child for years advised me not to have three children!

[Velvet1973]

So with you sunshine! We even had one friend that knew we'd been trying for 3 years and were looking to start ivf when she accidentally became pregnant. She came to ours for a dinner party and everyone was congratulating her and she was so dismissive. She actually said in front of us that she wasn't even sure if it was good news and then proceeded to moan the entire way through the pregnancy.
It's like most things in life isn't it I guess, we all have a moan about something or other and yet if we stopped to think about it there are probably others like us who envy whatever it us we're moaning about?
Doesn't make it any less annoying though!
Italian how do you always have exactly the right thing to say? I think your comebacks are genius! Can't wait to try that one out!

[Kewcumber]

I feel your pain but on the other hand, can you not moan about a cold because there might be someone with cancer in the room! Its OK to moan about trivilaities sometimes although if someone knows that you're struggling with infertility I would think it very thoughtless.

[silverlinings79]

ok, so this may be a little controversial and I don't mean to offend if it does, but in my office I am surrounded by parents of 1/2 year olds and in the last 2 months I have contributed to no less than 4 new baby presents and yes there are moans during pregnancy and after. I've even heard the men be quite frank about how 'sex is never the same again' (i won't be more graphic than that!) and I used to think, if only I could be that lucky, I would love to be able to experience it all, you don't know how blessed u are......but after it literally day in day out for months, I now just smile smugly! I will not need to worry about the pain of childbirth, or worry about stretch marks when I'm in a bikini, drooping boobs from breast feeding, or losing the baby weight and sex will be exactly the same lol. And yet I will have children who I love just as much as they love theirs and while there will be additional needs, I will feel the same rewards that they get from the experience if not more...so maybe I'm not so unlucky after all. Yesterday one lovely lady returning from maternity leave said that it's a shame she had to come back because "when they turn 1, that's when they become interesting" and she wishes she could be off now instead...I smirked again because I get to do that! I suppose someone may take offence when I say I get to take a year off at the best age, or the girl in the office who can't have children by birth OR by adoption might get offended when I say sometimes this process is so invasive or emotionally draining. We are all wrapped up in our little worlds I suppose, but I guess what I am trying to say is focus on the silver linings because ofcourse we would all put up with the things they whinge about to get easily pregnant but as we are not able to, embrace the fact we need not whinge! ..... though while you may not need to whinge about swollen feet I do get why you need to rant about this....so by all means rant away! I'm just living up to my username

[Greyhound]

I used to hate this too. I had recurrent miscarriages and was extremely lucky to finally have my ds.

I couldn't believe how tactless people could be - the whining was the worst. One friend came to visit just after my fourth miscarriage (which she knew about). She was pregnant after one month of trying - the baby was planned. She moaned to me about how having a baby would disrupt her travel plans. I wanted to slap her.

[excitedmamma]

Well said silverlinings.... bravo

[OurMiracle1106]

People often don't think. And theres the other side. The birth mums who go through the pregnancy, the labour and at the end of it are left with nothing. No baby to hold close to them, all I as a birth mum am left with is a longing to hold my child and even though I know it's best for him it doesn't stop the pain or lessen it. It hurts to hear how people are watching their kids grow go to school, first swimming lesson. All the things I am missing out on and won't be a Part of.

[Italiangreyhound]

Well said silverlinings.

Greyhound how awful for you.

Miracle thinking of you.

[KristinaM]

People moan about their mothers when someone else's mother has just died

People moan about their husband/partners when someone else's has just run off with an 18yo

People moan about their kids exam results while other parents will never even see their child hold a pencil

People moan about their pets when someone else would love to have one but can't

We all moan about everything on here when all of us are far better off than all the people in refugee camps around the world, people living in war zones, everyone in prison ( justly or unjustly ) , women and girls who have been trafficked etc etc

I moan about my other kids when I've lost one. You might think it would make me grateful for their every waking moment. It does, but I still moan when they are disobedient, lazy, won't do homework, mess up their rooms and refuse to tidy them.

That's life isn't it

[KristinaM]

A family we know of have just lost their 14yo son, their only child . Someone ( who did the flowers at the funeral ) said to me yesterday

" how terrible for the P family, you can't imagine what it's like, can you ? "

I could have replied " actually I don't have to imagine, you are forgetting we lost a teenaged son too "

But I didn't, because that would just have made the person, who was expressing a kind sentiment, feel bad.

I chose to hear the meaning behind her words, and the loving concern she was expressing for the family . It wasn't about me or our loss.

Women who moan during pregnancy are generally not doing it to get at you because you are childless. They are just tried, sore and hormonal . It doesn't mean they value " the gift of a child " less. . Choosing to feel offended about their comments is only hurting yourself

And although pregnancy isn't an illness, there are many illnesses which can occur during or are exacerbated by pregnancy . Some of them are life threatening, such as pre eclampsia. I know two women who had their babies induced very early to save their lives. One baby died. The other has special needs.

Other conditions , such as SPD, are painful and disabling . sometimes it's not just a walk in the park. So when you hear someone moaning, please cut them a little slack .

[MorphineDreams]

Agree with Kristina

As awful as it is for you, and I can only imagine how annoying it is for you, people are entitled to have a whinge, even if someone is worse off.

[MerryInthechelseahotel]

I agree with Kristina but can see where you are coming from op.

[HopefulHamster]

Totally sympathise, I've been there. I've had to have fertility treatment (several times) to get pregnant and always try to keep in mind how lucky I am. I used to wince seeing people complain about pregnancy on Facebook. But today I've been a total hypocrite as the aircon in our office is broken and my feet are swollen and sore, and I've complained a fair bit. A good reminder not to be so moany again, thank you! (sincerely not sarcastically)