Attachment and potential problems.

[Swizzle99]

Hi,

I was looking for some advice!

I am an approved adopter and am currently considering profiles of children. I am wondering what impact multiple moves may have on a young child?

The child is 3 years old, has had 5 carers since birth and has left most carers abruptly.

He presents as being very compliant and overly friendly with strangers.

What could I do to help support attachment with me, and what should I not be doing?

What do you think the future might hold for this very confused little one?

Any ideas, suggestions or experiences - gratefully received!

[fasparent]

Would ask ss of all moves, these can be rest bite , staying with relatives, friends, all would be regarded as as placements, have had some children with as many as 50 placements.
After placement with you best too follow guidance regards too, visiting family , friends, etc. keeping visits if any short and infrequent allowing time for child to bond and form attachment with yourself, perhaps arrange visits away from your home will give child a sense of returning home. Children can be very resilient , having one too one fun doing practical things and allowing child too use up some energy will make them tired as well as being very stimulating in the right direction. meeting and having fun with similar aged peer's and inclusion will also help. and lesson any trying you out situation's.,
Bed time we did reading etc. in the lounge, with a kiss snuggle and cuddle into bed then light out.
Wish you all the best.

[KumquatMay]

We have not yet adopted but have found the boo 'Building the bonds of attachment' but Dan Hughes a really helpful insight. Most surprising to me was the things I thought might prevent attachment (clear boundaries, discipline) actually provide opportunities for attachment if approached in the right way (along with lots of love and affection). The book is a very extreme example of how unattached children can behave but I found the theory really really helpful.

[KumquatMay]

*book

[Happytobemum22]

Hi, what has your social workers said? How long has he been with his latest family? They should prepare him to be with his forever family but you also need to prepare yourself.
There are so many books out there that can give you top advice ( read now as you will never have the chance again, ha ha)
Is he just 3.
You may find he is a little delayed so don't push him, at his time & pace.
The over familiar thing, social workers can sometimes bang on about this a bit but what do you expect from the little love, he has been taught to get his needs meet from strangers? This will go as his attachment to you grows and his security. Be prepared for ' the honeymoon period to end' he may be an angel to start then all of a sudden think what happens if I'm naughty, will I still stay, will they keep me?
This will be your time to shine, be consistent, loving, work out your reflection time/ time out routine. Don't leave him though so he feels neglected etc.
Our DS is now 5, he still has his moments but finding the right school, having a lot of patience and help from family and professional support you will together give him an amazing start and make a wonderful family

[Swizzle99]

The LO has been with his current carers for 10 months. He is a very placid child who doesn't push boundaries (apart from at bedtime!). He is delayed developmentally by 6 - 8 months and has limited speech. He will readily accept cuddles and affection from his foster carer, and does look to her when he has fallen over and hurt himself.

Our social worker is kind of down playing the attachment issues, which kind of worried me aswell!

[Happytobemum22]

Our DS had speech delays, with a speech therapist this will be fine, you do the work to help him. We also found this helped us understand him a little more too. 10 months is not such a bad length of time. He has only been alive for 36 months. After all.
We inherited terrible bedtime routines so we worked hard on this at the start. We also put after lunch nap into place, we found this helped with so much, getting use to the bedtime routine quicker, and helped with his health. It's a lot for such little chaps to deal with, plenty of sleep, plenty of play, and a huge abundance of love. The boundaries are so important. Help them to understand, children need this as much as vitamin C.
We used the "it's ok to feel......" It's ok to be ..... A lot.
When talking to him, rather than standing in front of him try standing to the side of him but just put a gentle hand on his shoulder or something. He will know your there but not in his face. Be T his level too as much as you can. With the speech don't keep asking questions, use " I wonder what ( his name) might want to play with next.? Not "what do you want to play with? We have always sung everything too, it's fun!
Kid gloves

[Happytobemum22]

Be at his level (sorry)
I wouldn't worry to much about the attachment, they will all have some sort of issues with this but you can help with this. Honestly read the books this will help to put your mind at rest or at least give you the tools to help him with them.

[kmarie100]

I've PM you.