As I've posted before, our adoption story is unusual. I won't bore you with all of it, but must just say that the adoption was contested by bio grandparents and there was a court case. We obviously won and they got court ordered access. Dd is not as yet aware of the fact that the grandparents wanted to adopt her. Relations are civil but we don't like each other and dd knows this. Dd thinks granny is the best because granny spoils her non-stop with material things and tells her all kinds of inappropriate things about family members and other adults - all from granny's perspective as the victim.<br><br>Yesterday I was talking to a friend about the latest chapter in our interaction with granny when she asked me what we would do if dd aged 16 (currently almost 12) decided she wants to live with granny. And there dear fellow posters you have one of my biggest fears as a parent - what if she chooses them over us? What if we haven't managed to build a bond strong enough to prevent this from happening? What if the mental health issues that has plagued me on and off for years damaged my relationship with dd to the point where she will want to get away from me when she can? Currently we have some challenges but in general our relationship is strong.<br><br>Any thoughts and perspectives welcome.