ADOPTION GONE WRONG

[MANDYJ]

Has anyone had an adoption go wrong. I had two children placed with me some years ago and they were then placed back with their birth mother (the adoption had not been consented to by the mother and when it went to court for a pre-hearing the judge ruled in favour of the mother, who had made her own application to have the children returned to them).

I wonder what they are like now and if they are okay. I do not want to get in touch with them but it does make you wonder what things would have been like. I miss them very much every day and time does not seem to make things better. You just have to get on with things.

[suejonez]

Sorry I'm still waiting so I don't have any experience of this. Could you contact social services and ask. I'm sure they would understand if you contacted them, a bit like letterbox contact in reverse. How long did you have them for? How old would they be now?

[HYACINTH]

It was the social workers who took them away. I don't want anything to do with them anymore. The children are now 11 and 14, I had them for three years.

[MANDYJ]

Sorry someone else was using my computer and logged in as someone else.

Had the children for three years. They are now 11 and 14. Do not want anything to do with the SW. COmpeltely useless. Ruin people's lives children and adults.

[suejonez]

Lord. to have them for that long, then have to let them go must have been a nightmare. No wonder you still tihnk about them. I was thinking you had fostered them for a few months before they went back to their birth mother. I really think you should contact social service to ask if you can be told how they are, you won't necessarily have to deal with teh same social worker just write to the head of adoption services and say you are hoping the children are getting on well and could she put your mind at rest.

[MANDYJ]

I gave birth naturally to a healthy ds in November 2004 after believing for 12 years that I could not have children.:)

[fairyfly]

I was close to a boy and a girl for two years as a child, they were my siblings for that amount of time. They were then adopted. I often think of them and wonder how they are. I hope they have grown into
happy independant adults.

[beemail]

Sadly i have heard of a few placements that have broken down and I think in all cases the adoptive parents (not foster parents) were not allowed any further info about the children who had been part of their family. mandyj your case is so different and i think you should be able to have even a brief report on how they are. To deny you this would be so cruel.......do try when you feel ready to. As stated previously it wouldn't necessarily be the same social worker. Be ready to receive any kind of news though - hopefully it will be good.

[PanicPants]

3 years, you poor thing. My sister was going to adopt twins, she had then from 3 weeks old, and it was all going well when the birth mother got back together with the father and wanted to make ago at it, so after having them for almost 3 months she had to give them back. It was heartbreaking. She didn't leave the house for almost a year. :(

But she has since managed to adopt a boy and a girl :)

[yorkshirelass79]

Hi Mandyj, my family experienced an adoption breakdown, although in very different circumstances to yours.

I would rather stick pins in my eyes than have anything more to do with social services so I understand your reluctance to contact them, but they may be able to offer you some kind of update. As beemail said it may not be the same social worker.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do, and enjoy your little ds!

[alicerose]

this thread hasn't been added to for ages but I could not resist jumping in.

Please try to find out what has happened.

it would dothe children a world of good to know that you still cared. Even if nothing could be done to change things the kids should know your love was real.

[KristinaM]

alicerose - i am sure you mean well. But it is very unlikely that she will be told anything about these children. Even if the family are still in touch with social services, it would be up to the legal parent of the children, who i think is their biological mother. She will probably see Mandy as the woman who tried to keep her children. The children will not be contacted directly by social services.

[redmm]

We had a sibling group of three children yanked back with their distant cousin who changed her mind about adopting them. We have four other children. The kids (both biological and adopted) are the ones who really lose out since they do not understand any of this. Social workers are overworked, undertrained, and usually have never had a child of their own so know nothing about the needs of children. Our three year old looks at her baby brother and says, "are we going to keep him, mommy?" It breaks our heart.

[Wappinggirl]

as an adoptive parent to a child with severe attachment disorder its really heartbreaking to see how difficult it is for all involved in the adoption world. Our child had v bad FC which made things even worse- one SW was brilliant, the rest were not very good an kept on moving him around the care system We are parents but have to be different types of parents to our son, theraputic parents to try and repair the damage the early traumas. very difficult ....but wouldnt swap him for the world!

[Roodle2]

Hi. I have been looking for a while to see if anyone else has experienced the same as me, I was fostering to adopt a baby girl, she was with us for a year and then a family member came forward and we lost her. We are devastated. It's been nearly a year since she left. I just feel so isolated in my grief and wondered if any else had experienced the same thing.

[StaceyAndTracey]

Hi doodle, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss

You might want to start your own thread on the adoption board, as this one is many years old and the posters are probably not around anymore

[StaceyAndTracey]

Roodle I mean