'Known as'

[Bananaketchup]

Can anyone advise me on having a child 'known as' the adopter's last name before AO? I've posted before about my upcoming DD who will hopefully be coming to me in September just as she turns 5, and starting school in January. I had thought that the best thing would be for her to be called by my last name when she starts school, so she learns to write her name as that, and other children meet her as that name, to avoid her having to answer questions she might not want to answer post AO about why her name has changed. Today I got the matching papers through and one of the 'restrictions on my parental responsibility' listed as well as not being able to take out of the country, consent to surgery etc is that I must not cause or allow her to be known by anything other than her birth name before AO.

Is this standard wording does anyone know, or something my LA has put in? I was thinking of asking at panel for her to be allowed to be 'known as' at school, for the reasons I've said which I think are in her best interest. Are they likely to take this on board and make a decision case by case or is it a blanket rule? Cos if it is frankly I'd rather not bring it up and plead ignorance if they don't like it later, than ask now and have them say no and then be looking out to check I haven't done it, IYSWIM. I know there's a lot of variation of what adopters do in practice, does anyone know if it's a national requirement and some LAs turn a blind eye or if it's a local requirement? Thanks

[Piffyonarock]

I think this is standard wording, I remember this on ours. I stuck to it with our first, but (whispers) not so much with our second. Its important on official things e.g. health records, but whilst you'd need to tell school her name you can also tell them her "known as". My school application asked for this I think. It just seemed a right faff to change everything once the order was through and you have to keep explaining (e,g, I had to change DSs library card and swimming card). I wouldn't bring it up at panel.

[Lilka]

When they created placement orders in the Adoption Act 2002, the legislation specified that no person shall cause a child to be known by any other than their birth/legal surname when they are placed for adoption. So it's actually the law. IMHO, a bit of a silly legal requirement in some ways, because it's not good for some children.

Obviously you have to register your child for school, doctors etc using their legal name...

Now, I know ignorance of the law is supposed to be a bad thing etc etc, but I know plenty of adoptive parents who feigned ignorance and told the school that although their childs legal surname was X, they would like them to be known as Y. And I know one or two social workers who knew what the adoptive parents were doing and turned a blind eye. (Just one or two mind)

If your child wants to change her first name (it might not be common among older children but some older children do want a change and ask) then she can be known as that. The Act says nothing about first names (I've read the Act through myself), just surnames.

[Devora]

Our sw supported us changing (slightly) our dd's name months before the AO, which suggests they are pretty flexible. I can't believe either they or the school would not co-operate with this one; it's so obviously in the best interests of the child.

[HappySunflower]

An adopter I know called her child by their new surname straight away, but that was because the birth parents were resident in the same town as them, so it was mainly to avoid opportunities for identification.

I'd sound school out on it if you can :)
Congratulations, btw!

[Bananaketchup]

Oh so it's actually the law? I'm so glad you told me, I definitely won't raise it at panel. I may possibly have a lapse of memory, what with having read so many different forms lately, and everything. Hopefully any SW who should come across any evidence of my forgetfulness will also be having a bit of a forgetful episode too. Given my SW's proven ability to get things wrong and lose every bit of paper she gets in her hands, hopefully there's a good chance!

[floatyjosmum]

Most adopters are advised to use a known as name at school etc. I wouldn't worry about it but clarify it with your sw or the child's if its a different la.

On placement day when paperwork is completed as they explain what 'powers' they are handing over to you and names are usually mentioned again then

[Bananaketchup]

School seem okay with it, when I visited and met the head I'd given DDs name as Firstname Mylastname and they didn't question it. There's a space on the admissions form for name and then one for name known as too. I think I might not mention it to SWs for now and try to suss out how hardline the LA seem to be about it, before committing myself. Thanks all.

[Moomoomie]

Ooh. Banana, did you opt for school one or two in the end?
Glad you have it sorted and dd can start in January.
Also, feign ignorance and sign her up as your surname, easier around.

[Bananaketchup]

Hi Moomoomie, I went for school 1. About a fortnight after I looked at both schools I came home to a hand delivered pack of info from school 1 addressed to 'the parent of DD'sname Mylastname', with a note saying 'we know DD's not starting school in September but want to keep you updated' and loads of info including a print out of the school dinner menu (DD has issues with food), a really sweet welcome book to DD illustrated by the older children, and an invitation to new parents evening. I duly went along to new parents evening this Wednesday, fairly surreal experience as I'm not yet a parent! But it just cemented for me that they genuinely seem to want her and to want to work with me. The head was so welcoming - had briefed the reception teacher on who I was, urged me to call in and let them know what's happening as things move on, seemed to take it as read that I will want to meet with them both again and give adoption resources etc - just lovely. As time goes on we'll see if I made the right choice but I'm feeling very happy about it at the moment.

[Moomoomie]

That sounds very positive from the school. Which bodes well for the future.
One less thing for you to worry about.
Please keep us informed on progress, we all love a good intros story.

[Bananaketchup]

Well I'll try - intros may be a bit rocky, DD is very attached to BM and is having some lifestory support to get her ready for moving but I'm still expecting a bumpy ride! I'll let you know how it goes!

[Moomoomie]

I'm sure it will be a bumpy ride, but take it slowly and I am sure it will all be fine.
Also, remember we are always here.
(not meant to sound stalkerish at all)

[Bananaketchup]

Not stalkerish, lovely!

[BeaLola]

On school forms we put legal name and then at side was a known as box where we entered forename plus our surname and explained to school that we wanted his books and class peg/register entry etc with our surname as in a few months time legally that would be his name and they were absolutely fine with it.
Good luc with you dd

[Bananaketchup]

Thanks Bea, hopefully if things work out I will do the same.

[twinklemumtp]

HI Bananaketchup.

When we adopted our son 6 years we had to initially register him under his birth name but we were allowed to use our surname 'known as' in most places including our doctors surgery and as soon as the AO came through we gave copies to every one to get this changed to our surname :)

Very excited for you hope she settles well xx

[Bananaketchup]

Thanks twinkle, I am currently on a spending spree for lovely bedroom decorations, and steeling myself to record my Tomy photo album for matching panel!