DH and I are a long way off being ready to start formally looking into adoption as we are not through with fertility treatments yet and if we continue to be unsuccessful, will then need time to grieve the failures and also to get some more experience around children again (I'm still going through the "actively avoid kids and family events" thing that I think comes to most people dealing with infertility, and I've read that our LA expects recent childcare experience, so that will take time).
However, I'm interested to know if becoming parents through adoption might be a door that's open to us later on, if/when we felt ready and able.
My DH has a chronic pain condition (fibromyalgia) and although the LA's and agencies' blurb that I've read is careful to say that nobody is automatically ruled out because of illness or disability, they heavily emphasise the need to be fit and healthy to parent an adopted child, and I've seen references to diabetes and even asthma being "issues", so I'm very afraid that fibromyalgia will send every social worker running for the hills on first contact, as "chronic pain condition" just sounds so awful.
My DH was diagnosed about 15 years ago, so well used to living with his condition. He has been able to do demanding full time jobs throughout that time (works in education), takes no more than the average number of sick days, and it's not a degenerative or lifespan-curtailing condition. But I recognise how the label makes it look.
Is anyone aware of positive examples of people with chronic conditions or disabilities being approved to adopt? Or the reverse, of course.
I'm extra concerned because I'm the higher earner out of the two of us, so to pay the mortgage etc, would have to be the one to return to work after adoption leave, with DH becoming the stay-at-home parent. This is also what we'd do if we are lucky enough to have a child through IVF (though not doing so well with that so far!). For what it's worth, our GP and consultant had no issues with signing the "will they be suitable parents" part of the IVF consent forms, knowing of DH's condition, but I realise the system is much choosier about adoptive parents.
Thanks.
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8 replies
ceara · 09/02/2013 09:37
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06/03/2013 18:29
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