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Adoption

Fostering, when you have had your child adopted

15 replies

Greenkit · 03/02/2011 11:06

My question is, can you be considered for fostering if you have had one of your children adopted.

My ds is now 23, so about 19 yrs ago I had him adopted, it was my choice he wasn't taken away.

I have a dd 21, dd 14 and ds 12.

My husband and I are interested in fostering a child between 5 and 10 or teens.

So do we have any chance??

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Greenkit · 03/02/2011 12:54

?? Anyone

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Silver1 · 03/02/2011 14:23

I think it would depend on why you had him adopted, how your life has changed, but more than that what you have learned and how you moved on.
Also what is your motivation-redemption perhaps?
You see having a child placed with you for fostering will bring up a lot of emotions for you that may impact your judgement and your ability to offer the emotional stability they will need, as well as how you work with parents and social workers.
You will have to persuade social workers that you are emotionally fit enough to handle the spray of brown stuff that will hit the fan when you are confronted by things from your past.
Foster carer is a tough role and not everyone (including some foster carers) are up to it.

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Amieesmum · 03/02/2011 14:40

Fostering is a difficult thing at the best of times, If your son was adopted for personal reasons that are no longer relevant, and you feel you are upto the job & can provide a safe & stable home for a child in need. I don't see why not. Give the fostering agencies a ring and chat to them about it. They will be only to happy to discuss it with you.

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maypole1 · 03/02/2011 16:20

i dont think so, i am a foster carer and i know my la would not consider somone who has placed a child into care.

i mean you could always ask let us know how it all turns out.

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Lilka · 03/02/2011 18:03

I don't honestly see a problem, presuming you had him adopted because at the time, you had huge financial issues and little support and felt you couldn't raise a child etc??

I think adoption is a huge loss, I know a biological mother who describes it as 'a bit worse than your child dying'. So I guess you would need to demonstrate to SS that you have handled your grief in a positive manner/had counselling, similar to others who have lost a child. And show you could handle any issues related to this that come up

maypole, I'm interested - why wouldn't your LA consider anyone who relinquished a child? Even if it was many years ago, when they were a very different person/in very different circumstances?

You certainly have nothing to lose by enquiring. If an LA says no, there will probbably be an agency or two near you, ask them as well

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Greenkit · 04/02/2011 09:09

The reason I had him adopted was that I was raped at 16, I had him the day after my 17th Birthday.

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nzshar · 04/02/2011 09:24

I am a little confused though , you said he was 23 and 19 years ago you had him adopted. He would have been 4 years old? And you had your eldest DD by then? Sorry if I have got this wrong.

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Greenkit · 04/02/2011 10:55

No you have it right.

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KristinaM · 04/02/2011 14:59

To answer your op, AFAIK you are only definitely barred from fostering if you have had a child removed from your care. However any agency is going to have big concerns about you as a family given your background and you are going to have a big job to convince them .

as silver says, this is going to raise a lot of issues for you all. Bringing a troubled and disturbed child into your family is going to open up things in a big way.

how will you explain to your children why you relinquished their big brother but you have kept them? and why are you taking on another child? they will see the damaging effects of family rejection and living in the care system at first hand and will wonder why you did this to their sibling.

I'm sorry, i am not trying to make you feel guilty about your decision. i'm sure the reason made sense to you at the time. But you are going to open a whole can of worms and your teenagers are going to faced with some really difficult stuff.

if this is about " redemption" , as silver say, you would be better to seek some individual or family therapy, rather than try to work this out by fostering.

sorry i cant be more encouraging

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maypole1 · 04/02/2011 16:09

toatly agree with kistinam this is not really away to make up for past events,

how will explain this to your current children

also your family will be interviews by ss so it also depends what their take on this is

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Greenkit · 04/02/2011 17:05

This is nothing to do with making up for past events. That part of my life is in the past, I have been able to move on.

We as a family want to look after a child in foster care.

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