Feeling a bit down today, it's my birthday

[curlywurlycremeegg]

Always makes me feel a bit sad and think about my birth mum, however this year it has combined with PMT and DH forgetting my birthday so I ended up getting up, getting all four kids ready and breakfasted before he bothered to get out of bed. Just wanted to moan really, surely I shouldn't feel like this every year, I am nearly 40, someone give me a virtual kick up the bum!

[justabit]

Hello. Just wanted to say happy birthday. Think you should remind you DH pronto if he hasn't already realised.

[marriednotdead]

No bum kicking here. Virtual slap for your DH though!

Happy Birthday Curly

I hope your day improves and by the end of it you wonder what there was to moan about.

Of course this is going to be the last one that you don't enjoy fully.

Start making plans for next year NOW, even if it's putting aside £1 a week so that you can go and have a massage or your nails done.

No cakes available unfortunately, so I can only bring and to your thread party

[curlywurlycremeegg]

Thanks justabit and marriednotdead, think it's the PMT really, my mood is all over the place, now all four children are home I hope DH redeems himself and comes early! A massage sounds ideal, will see if I can book anywhere for the weekend. All s and s are greatfuly received.

[justabit]

[Misfitless]

Happy Birthday to You! Anyone called Curlywurlycremeegg deserves to have a brilliant birthday...Has your day got any better so far?

[hifi]

happy birthday!
my husband often forgets my birthday, not so often now cos of dd1 who has a 6 month countdown. text him now and he might surprise you later.

[threefeethighandrising]

Happy birthday!!!

Can't have a birthday thread party without some music - what kind of music do like?

[threefeethighandrising]

OK, I have no idea if this is your cup of tea, but it's kind of birthday-ish

[KristinaM]

Im also an adoptee and by birthday brings up lots of mixed feelings for me. Some of these are to do with my ( very strange) adoptive parents who refused to celebrate my birthday on the day i was born but instead on the day they got me

Like you i also feel very sad about my birth family, especially my birth mother who i don't see ( her choice)

I have now given up trying to enjoy my birthday like a normal person

[sparklyjewlz]

Happy Birthday Curly.
Definitely agree with MND that you have to plan your birthday treats for yourself if your DH forgets to come up with any! Have a lovely evening.

[Kirsty007]

Happy anniversary of your birth. Your here and your alive. You can celebrate that! Go on strike at home for your day. Good luck darling. xx

[hester]

Happy birthday. I really hope you managed to have a lovely day x

[curlywurlycremeegg]

Thank you everyone, DH slightly redeemed himself by coming home with cake a a card from the children!

Threefeethigh, thanks for the music, it made me smile :)

Kristina, I really feel for you, when I was a child I used to have two birthdays, my real one and my adopted birthday (I guess this was just a day for my parents to give thanks for being given a child), my mum used to make a big thing about it and I used to get a cake and a small present (usually another charm for my charm bracelet), however it was never a competition between that and my birthday, I just used to have two birthdays like The Queen (that's how my mum used to describe it!).

[marriednotdead]

Aah, that's more like it

Get that money box started now

[KristinaM]

curlywurly - thats a lovely way to do it

my adoptive mother had a lot of " issues" and said she woudln't celebrate my birthday as it was associated with "that woman" [actual word censored] who gave birth to me. as far as she was concerned, i didn't exist before i came to them. so she wouldn't acknowledge my birthday in any way.


which was fine when i was small and didn't know any difference, but more complicated when i was older and my school friends used to give me presents & cards. i recall once when i was a teenager (about 13 or 14 i guess) i went skating with my friends on my birthday and coming home, very excited, to show her my gifts (probably a bottle of Charlie perfume, some turquoise eye shadow and Aqua Manda talc LOL) and she woudln't look at them


now my birthday makes me feel pretty sad. I suspect its less about my birth mother and more about the way i was brought up TBH

[loflo]

We have a birthday and a moving in day celebration in this house too. I struggle on DS's birthday because it reminds me that I wasn't there on that day but it's still important to him so I focus on that.

And then eat cake

Belated birthday greetings Curly.

[Kewcumber]

OP - I don't know how you feel as I'm an adoptive parent rather than child but I know how conflicted I feel in the run up to DS's birthday. I can't help wondering if his mother thinks of him that day and wonders how he is doing and I'm so conscious that he is probably in his honeymoon period before he begins to grasp that his birthday isn;t just the day he was born but (in DS's case) the day his motehr relinquished him.

Kristina - your situation just goes to sho what I have always suspected that adoptive parents are not saintly wonderful people but just as odd and varied as other "normal" parents.

We celebrate our famnily birthday (the day I met DS) but in a very low key, "lets do something a bit nicer today because it is a special day for both of us as its the day our family was born" kinda way.

[KristinaM]

Kew-that was of course in the bad old days, when the assessment and preparation of prospective adopters involved one visit from a SW who looked at their marriage certificate, counted their sets of sheets and towels and asked them if they wanted a boy or girl.

Hopefully she wouldn't get approved today. I do hope that now most adopters are slightly less disturbed . Well at least untilthe kids are placed.

[Kewcumber]

Kristina I have a very friend was was adopted and sadly was subsequently abused by a close member of the family. Her (devoutly catholic) mother refused to beleive her (luckily her father did and she was subsequently able to prove it) and when confronted with proof was more concerned with the neighbours not finding out Then years later when her daughter and granddaughter were staying with her after marriage breakdown, her mother gave her previous abuser a key to the house and was surprised when my friends strenuously objected. "But all forgotten now isn't it?"

This was a significant and serious prolonged abuse which these days would no doubt have resulted in a lengthy prison sentence.

I often wonder if her mother would have been approved these days (but I suspect so because she is very convincing on the surface).

Some people are just odd - sadly others suffer for it.

[DrSpechemin]

Curlywurly - belated birthday greetings - Its my birthday in a few days and I have exactly the same feelings as you - every birthday I am in tears - I find it so incredibly painful. My dh tries to understand but never quite 'gets it'. He always wants to spoil me and I just want to forget that the day exists.

I too am nearly 40 and I don't think you can ever get over the feelings of abandonment even though we can bury it most days, it is completely normal for it to manifest on occasions such as birthdays.

[CoffeeInTheMorning]

I never get weepy but I always think of my birth mother on my birthday and on Christmas Day and on Mothering Sunday. I say a prayer for her and if I am near a church, I will light a candle for her. I don't feel abandoned however. My life has been very happy, never unhappy, and incredibly fulfilled and I would like to be able to communicate that to her.