fostering red tape.

[mrsabadger]

I am a Singer carer, I have children of my own and foster children, in October I notified my social worker that I had a new boyfriend, he lives very far away and travels for 2 hours to see me, (Ive known him over 20 years) as it was a strong possibility that I would want him to stay overnight over Christmas, I gave her a completed CRB to which she replied "I take it he is already sleeping over?" I told her not yet.
Over Christmas, when there was bad snow, my boyfriend stayed over, also he spent Christmas day and new year with us too. then for the last two weeks he stayed over at the weekend with us. never being left alone with the children, as even though the CRB check around 8 weeks later.
It has always been my understanding that house guests are fine, as long as they not left alone with the children, I have been a foster carer for 3 years, and I have occasionally had friends stay over, because I live far away from most of my friends.
Yesterday my social worker comes to see me and says that I am not allowed to have him stay anymore, because she had a complaint from one of my foster childs parents( the complaint was he was staying over, nothing else). Also if I continued to have him stay over, before his check comes through I would loose both of my foster children. I am with a agency, they have lots of rule books, and I have completed my CWDC with them and undergoing an NVQ with them, I read the handbook from cover to cover and could not find a mention of this. The Manager of the agency rang me later, I was already very upset about this, he informed me his call was strictly a formality and he was just reiterating what my social worker had said, also it would be put in writing and sent to me. I asked him why it was not in the handbook, he said that it would be soon, as a result. I also asked why was it ok for me to have unchecked guests occasionally? he said it was ok as long as it wasn't a regular thing.what is a regular thing??? when I'm required to get my family CRB checked I only have to get one of them checked, for example my mum checked not my dad, my brother checked but not my sister in law, my best friend checked but not her partner.??? (unfortunately most of these thoughts didn't come until after I hung up, but probably for the best as I am up for review in March and would hate to rock the boat with them)
I'm really fed up, that we put overnight stays on hold for a long time, not because we thought it wasn't allowed, but because, it was the right thing to do, and now we have finally started to move to the next stage of our relationship, and it was going really well and looking as though the next step of him moving in, wouldn't be far away at all, only to find that we are having to go back a few steps now.
To top it off, we rang CRB to check how long it would be, only to be told that they received the form the middle of December, so it was held onto at the agency for a few weeks before being sent.
My boyfriend is not used to the whole foster care system and has been very good and patient about it all, Before Xmas he had a sister to stay with, but she has since moved, so now it would make things very difficult and costly for him to not sleep here. So now he is seriously considering sleeping outside in his car to save on the 4 hours driving and £50 fuel.

Does anyone know what the rule is about having people sleep over in your home?? I was going to ring the fostering network, but they are closed until Monday.
surely other foster familys have guests that are not crb checked sleep over

[NanaNina]

I think the issue here is that this is a potential partner (you refer to him as your boyfriend) rather than a relative or friend who may stay overnight now and again.

I have 30 years experience in fostering & adoption and was a team manager for 15 years but am now retired. I would agree with the SSD being cautious. The CRB has not yet been returned, and if he is to become a regular visitor and as a boyfriend a part of the household, then the SSD have a duty to assess him to ensure that it is an appropriate arrangement. You don't say how long you have known your boyfriend, or anything about his background, previous marriage, children etc.

If eventually he does live with you then he will need to attend a prep course and be as thoroughly assessed as any other carer.

I know it sounds heavy handed, but if a boyfriend just moved in and something happened to one of the foster children, who would be to blame - SSD of course, and the media are always willing to castigate social workers at the first possible opportunity.

I am sure with reason and good will on both sides you can work things out, but it is a bit tricky at the moment. Your boyfriend has to make a r/ship with your own children and the foster children and this is a tall order and needs to be taken slowly and the Social workers have a duty to ensure that the fostered children are kept safe. I am not suggesting your boyfriend would harm them but caution has to be the watchword here.

[rodformyownback]

Hi MrsAB, I'm sorry I don't have anything useful to add but perhaps you would have more success if you post in the fostering rather than adoptions topic? Good luck!!1