Brief background - parents divorced when I was 6 (I was youngest of 6 of that point). Have vivid memories of my father beating up my mother in drunken rages although later told it was not what it seemed, mother will not discuss what happened or my real father at all. My mother immediately remarried and had 2 further DCs who I was extremely jealous of. Real father visited sporadically for the 1st year after divorce then never saw him again (until last year after 30 years).
Now when I was growing up my mother used to constantly tell me I was 'evil', 'weird', 'a bit touched', 'nasty', that I looked like my paternal grandmother who was an 'evil, fat, stinking bitch' and she would have to take me to a phychiatrist as I was 'looney'. My teenage years were hellish (I could not even tell her I had started my periods, I used tissue in my knickers until my older sister 'ratted' on me - to get me into trouble in her eyes ). My siblings viewed me as the 'black sheep' and I was blamed for everything. I spent a large chunk of my formative years laying on my bed listening to the world carrying on around me as I was always being sent to my room - the sound of the rest of the family laughing and me not being a part of it haunts me. She did used to whack me but it was mainly physchological attacks including calling my a 'slut' on my 16th birthday and slapping my face because I had put makeup on that I had be told I was allowed to wear until then .
I left home at 18 to start a live in job (quickest way to escape), got a slap round the face and called an ungrateful cow when I told my mother but still went home regularly to visit . Since I have lived away from home and am an adult, I get on fine with my mother. She has been there for all the major highs and lows in my life and I don't really bear her any malice for my childhood.
BUT she seems now to picking on one of my DTSs. SHe has called him ugly (to his face) a few times while calling his brother 'handsome' and she and my stepfather show blatant favourism to my other DTS (one time taking my DS2 on a walk and leaving DS1 at home without asking if he wanted to come, by the time DS1 got his shoes on to go after them, they'd gone).
My CBT therapist does not understand why I am in contact with them quite honestly and feels I should confront my mother about all the stuff that's happened but I can't as I don't want the confrontation but I cannot allow her to do to my DS what she's done to me - I have no self esteem or confidence, suffer from social anxiety, OCD, panic attacks and depression and therefore feel that I have not achieved in life anything close to what I could have been capable of if I did not have these issues.
I really can't understand why I still love her either and wonder whether I was just an oversensitive child who took everything to heart. My 7 other siblings are quite well rounded and do not have any of the issues I have so perhaps AIBU to think that it's me with the problem not her??
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Is my mother toxic or am I just oversensitive?
20 replies
MumsMunchkin · 03/12/2010 11:49
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MrsTedHughes ·
03/12/2010 11:51
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MadamDeathstare ·
03/12/2010 17:26
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MadamDeathstare ·
03/12/2010 17:26
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