Oh No! My chance for 5 minutes of fame and I missed it!

Never mind, it's the message that's important. Let's unite to stomp on dingbats and drown duffers whenever we meet them!

Seeker- I am most ashamed... my contribution to this thread made QOTW... but I plagiarised half of my maxims from you

It's a balancing act isn't it? Somehow or other we've got to let them know that they CAN tell us, as their parents, anything, but they don't HAVE to tell us everything. Tricky thing, this parenting lark!

x post Trebuchet Completely understand -got to be what works for you x

Also agree totally about keeping lines of communication open ie hugely important that dc always feel they can discuss anything with parents ....

Yes Seeker that's what I meant to say but you expressed it much better

I do agree with you Seeker and Still, I suppose its a reaction to upbringing to go far in another direction. I'm not saying it's right for everyone, but I think for me, to feel I am teaching them to be safe and to know there's nothing they can't tell me, its sort of worth it for now. I may be able to relax when they're a bit older... Night All x

Well, I'm 19 now, so our family rules are more about how we live our lives. My personal rules are:

Don't go out after an argument without apologising.
Don't go to sleep on an argument.
Try not to back chat too much (me and my granddad know how to push each other's buttons and are equally bad at breaking this one! Though I'm trying!)
Don't focus on what you can't do, but on what you can (this is more for me because of my sight problems).
Family will always listen and support you, so never struggle in a situation, be it being stranded with your mate's broken down car, or uni stress. (Again, this is for me).

Hmm, most of these are in place by my parents, so maybe I still DO have lots of rules.

Oh, we do have secrets, but again, I'm old enough to know when to speak out. Like my secret is I stay up far too late! Been rumbled on that one today though!

I'm a great believer in everyone, including children, having an inner life that can be private if they wish, and which no one has the right to intrude on. Does this count as having secrets?

Manners / politeness
Kindness
Patience (that one is for me...)
Eat at the table and with good table manners
Tidy up after having a great time. Muddle is perfectly acceptable but must return rooms to normal afterwards.
No answering the door without an adult (DS is 4)
Use the toilet with the seat up!!
Bedtime is bedtime.
No TV before bed

Of course a secret in the sense you describe is totally wrong Trebuchet. Where adults lie to dc to cover up their own problems/errors. Incredibly wrong and I'm sorry you had to experience it.

What I meant was healthy, individual secrets such as "one day I am going to be an x, y or z" or "everyone else likes x y or z but I don't". Even a silly adult fantasy that one would never act on ie "I quite fancy so and so" I think it's healthy to keep secret desires or aspirations private sometimes ...even lies can be healthy sometimes (if kindly meant).