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Just found out I'm pregnant, don't know what to do.

(134 Posts)
Muddledandunsure Sat 28-Jun-14 15:13:55

I've just done 2 tests and they are both positive, I'm in shock, we've been using condoms. I think I had a period in May but not 100% sure. I Was expecting for the test to be negative and my period to arrive soon after.

I've got an 8 yr old and a 17yr old and thought I was done with having children. I'm getting my life back a bit and can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I've only been with my Dp for 18months.

Dp doesn't want to keep it.

I don't know what I want, I don't really want a baby but I don't think I could have an abortion. I work with babies too so how could I do that and then go to work? But do I want another life time of responsibility?

Our house is tiny too and we are already struggling with money.

I can't see the wood for the trees, please help.

I don't have any advice but am bumping this for you as I imagine you must be feeling all over the place thanks

Muddledandunsure Sat 28-Jun-14 15:45:35

Thanks, yes I am just a bit.

I would try and offer pearls of wisdom but I am years away from having my first. thanks

Nomama Sat 28-Jun-14 15:50:33

Take a deep breath. You have the rest of weekend before you can do anything anyway.

You and DP need a little bit of time to let it sink in before you start discussing yays or nays. Each of you needs 'selfish' time to work out how it makes you as an individual feel. Then you can come together and compare notes. That saves bitterness due to any knee jerk 'oh fuck' reactions.

So tell DP you both need to sit on it for a day or so and then have a sit down conversation and work towards a decision.

I'd offer up a hug, but I understand they aren't the norm here smile

Muddledandunsure Sat 28-Jun-14 15:53:26

Thanks.

Muddledandunsure Sat 28-Jun-14 16:28:06

Going to get a digital test to find out how many weeks I am.

GatoradeMeBitch Sat 28-Jun-14 16:31:08

Well I hope things work out whatever you choose. It's kind of hard for anyone to do anything but offer a virtual hand to hold in these situations!

Muddledandunsure Sat 28-Jun-14 16:33:02

Everything keeps going round in my head.

I can't see any easy solution.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Sat 28-Jun-14 16:40:48

The digital tests will only show you how far along you are if you are less than 4 weeks from date of conception, they are expensive so I thought I would let you know if you are further along than that they will still state 3-4 weeks on the display.

I think you need to talk to your partner about how you would cope with a baby and how you feel about a termination, you do have some time to discuss it.

My thoughts are with you, it is a hard decision to make in your circumstances xx

Muddledandunsure Sat 28-Jun-14 17:05:11

Just bought it and noticed the only up to 4 weeks part after I'd paid.

Have done it and it says pregnant but the weeks haven't come up yet.

Oh it has it says 3+ weeks.

Muddledandunsure Sat 28-Jun-14 19:07:09

Shameless bump.

Branleuse Sat 28-Jun-14 19:10:06

you dont really want to be pregnant and your dp doesnt want a baby. Have you got a moral dilemma/ objection about abortion??

ILoveCoreyHaim Sat 28-Jun-14 19:10:37

I alwways said i could never terminate after 3 dc and 3 MC but i did. I had terrible depression whilst pg with last dc and just couldn't go through that again with 2 dc and a baby to look after. From the line appearing i knew i was going to terminate and when it was over with all i felt was relief.

littlewhitebag Sat 28-Jun-14 19:11:07

You have a bit of time if you are very early days. Take stock, work out the pro's and cons. Then decide. There is no shame in having a termination. If you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy i am sure you will find a way through the problems. Good luck.

Muddledandunsure Sat 28-Jun-14 19:12:29

Thanks for the replies.

I just don't know if I could go through with a termination.

ILoveCoreyHaim Sat 28-Jun-14 19:12:56

I terminated at 4 weeks. Took a tablet at hospital and went home. It wasnt as bad as i thought i would be but i was sort of prepared as had had mcs at 7,12 and 16 weeks

Branleuse Sat 28-Jun-14 19:14:22

i felt mega relief after my termination too

ILoveCoreyHaim Sat 28-Jun-14 19:16:46

You need to speak to a counsellor whos impartial and work through your feelings. With me i came to the decision more or less immediately and acted, i cant say i even thought about keeping it so i wasnt jn the situation others are in who are torn like you or if you have strong feelings against abortion. I wasn't against abortion, i just never thought i would ever go through with one

Littleturkish Sat 28-Jun-14 19:20:06

Definitely book to speak to a counsellor- make sure it is an impartial one. If you have a good GP, speak to him/her.

I feel for you- it must be a terribly hard decision and I can only say, don't rush into it.

Good luck.

Muddledandunsure Sat 28-Jun-14 19:21:28

Thank you, we are going to give it a week and see how we feel then.

ILoveCoreyHaim Sat 28-Jun-14 19:22:39

I had a situation where i had to change doctors after he told me the baby was a gift from god and had chosen me to be its mother. I was in a small practice woth one doc i had been in from being a child. I changed to a big medical centre and told the receptionist the reason i needed an appointment so i got a doctor who didnt have strong views.

Debbylou Sat 28-Jun-14 19:35:20

Those digital tests are ok, so you are over 3 wks since conception which would put you at 5wks minimum the way docs work it so plenty of Time to make a decision either way, as others have said think practically but also listen to your heart, speak honestly to each other about your feelings and the effect a new baby or termination will effect the family as a whole, you have suffered depression in the past so you will need extra support whatever you decide has to be right for you.
Big un-mumsnetty hugs for you and best of luck to you

Muddledandunsure Sat 28-Jun-14 19:46:32

Yes I think a lot of talking needs to be done before we reach a decision.

I haven't suffered from depression before though.

Debbylou Sat 28-Jun-14 19:47:27

Apologies miss read another post as one of yours , either way you will need lots of support

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