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what would you do if your street was part of a ye olde fair?

(109 Posts)
enormouse Sat 28-Jun-14 13:52:15

I live in quite a picturesque village. Last year there was a street fair run along the lines of the black country living museum. Basically make the place look like it did 200 years ago. The organisers stuck fake plaques on the houses without resident permission. Ours said 'old drinking tavern'. The houses looked pretty much unoccupied.

So tourists spent about 8 hours peering into my house and at various points trying to follow me in as they thought the houses were live exhibits (like the black country living museum).

They've organised another one for this year.

What would you do if this was your house/street? I'm looking up life size cardboard standees to put in my front windows. I'm quite keen on a 7ft Darth Vader or Matt Smith staring out at people as they stare in. Dp suggests making taxidermied animals, dressing them in period costume and posing them in our living room. Which is a bit too involved for my taste. Any other suggestions? (The crazier, the better)

*^disclaimer - I wouldn't actually do anything. It's great for the local economy and tourism. It's just bloody irritating. I plan on taking Dc out for the entire day^.

ThursdayLast Sat 28-Jun-14 13:57:15

If I were brave and uninhibited, I would spend all afternoon shagging in the front room!
That'll give me something to talk about!

ThursdayLast Sat 28-Jun-14 13:57:44

Goes without saying that I would go out too.

Sparklingbrook Sat 28-Jun-14 13:57:51

YY to going out. Do you get any choice in all this? confused

I would put your Christmas decorations up just to confuse folk.

bubblybox Sat 28-Jun-14 13:58:33

grin

That is bloody thoughtless of the organisers, though. Can you contact whoever is organising it and tell them not to interfere with your property without permission?

Flisspaps Sat 28-Jun-14 14:01:07

I'd put up my own 'ye old brothel' sign up then spend the day making very loud sex noises grin

enormouse Sat 28-Jun-14 14:03:14

sparkling not really. Last year 'they' (church committee/village association/NWA type group) organised a last minute hush hush meeting to say they would be doing this. Not many people attended.

This year they've put a leaflet through our door, saying when the fayre' s happening and please can we park our cars elsewhere for the day. So as not to 'ruin the charming, rustic aesthetic'.

KillmeNow Sat 28-Jun-14 14:05:33

Close the curtains/blinds all day and use the back door.

To be fair to the public,if I was attending one of these and the houses seemed to be included in the fair (as the plaques would seem to indicate) I would think that the houses were all part of the fun and maybe had demonstrations inside .In your case I would imagine a couple of serving wenches and a bar with foaming jugs of old ale.

Its a bit bad of the organisers to put this up randomly and it smacks of over-egging what they have on offer. Maybe speak to them when they come to put the plaques up?

enormouse Sat 28-Jun-14 14:06:28

fliss ye olde brothel has come up as an idea. grin, also changing everyone else's signs - 'ye olde crack house', 'ye olde vice den' etc etc.

I wish I was bold enough to shag loudly in my living room. Possibly dress myself and Dp up as bill sykes and nancy. To not ruin the aesthetic of course.

MisForMumNotMaid Sat 28-Jun-14 14:07:15

Flashing neon welcome sign.

No one could complain you'd just be being friendly.

(I'd moan with DH about it and go out too)

SirNoel Sat 28-Jun-14 14:09:05

I know it's good for the local economy and all that, but there's a large part of me, an over active Fuck You gland or summat that would make me want to park a 4x4 right in front of it and invite friends and extended family round to watch footy off a giant plasma tv smack bang in the front window

MisForMumNotMaid Sat 28-Jun-14 14:09:49

Actually how old are the DC? Will people be walking passed? I'd get the kids to set up a doorstep enterprise - homemade lemonade, old fashioned wooden games etc. nice chalk board up outside.

Sparklingbrook Sat 28-Jun-14 14:10:52

What if you were actually doing something that day though? Like having a child's birthday party or something? It is a bit of a cheek. grin

They seriously put signs up on your house?

I would sit on my front step wearing a gimp mask

HemlockStarglimmer Sat 28-Jun-14 14:15:00

I had this when I lived in Somerset. The organisers thoughtfully assigned a stall holder a position outside our house so that when we opened the front door (no garden as a barrier) we had to ask her to move her table so we could get out. We then had to ask her several times not to sit on our window sill. Partly because it wasn't safe as it was very rotten, but mostly because ffs how rude to perch your arse in someone else's window.

The organisers also hung a banner on the house so that it partly covered the front (and only) door. My boyfriend took it down and was shouted at. He shouted back.

After the first couple of years the organisers avoided the area outside our house altogether.

We took to going out for the day as it was so incredibly noisy in what was usually a very quiet street.

How about painting a large red cross on your front door and adding a couple of stuffed rats to the doorstep. Maybe have a recording of the family wailing and crying with grief and dread, running on loop.

Should add an authentic, period twist to the event.

enormouse Sat 28-Jun-14 14:15:47

Dc are 2 and almost 6 months. Whilst enthusiastic and enterprising, they lack ability. grin.
Also not keen on the idea of trying to bf DS2 in front of a large staring audience. He has form for whipping himself off and exposing my boobs at frequent intervals.

Another option I've considered is making the room look like the set from trainspotting.

enormouse Sat 28-Jun-14 14:18:45

hemlock yy to the sitting on my windowsills. The facade of the house is listed so if something breaks it'll cost a fortune to fix. Also get the fuck off my windowsills.

They did indeed put signs up, fake blue laminated oval ones. That looked like crap English heritage.

Floggingmolly Sat 28-Jun-14 14:19:39

Oh don't sabotage it, it sounds fabulous sad

Sparklingbrook Sat 28-Jun-14 14:21:51

YY where is it enormouse, we could all come for a gawp.

Loving MrsCakes suggestion!!! grin

I wouldn't be impressed if anybody put anything into my house at all.
Surely they should of asked your permission before taking over the whole street.

figgypuddings Sat 28-Jun-14 14:24:04

Big sign in your window.

GO AWAYE, WE HATH POXE AND LURGY.

PuppyMonkey Sat 28-Jun-14 14:27:20

I would be seriously tempted to get some cheap booze in and start selling it to the punters for over- inflated prices . You'd make a killing .grin

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