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How to handle dd dressing "too grown up"

(54 Posts)
Happybeard Sat 28-Jun-14 09:46:07

Having a bit of a tug of war in my head... On one hand, I want to tell her she can't wear the pink crop top she just put on with her skinny jeans, and on the other hand I don't want to give her any of these stupid messages about being "modest" or that she should dress in a way so as not to attract the "wrong attention" (she's 8 ffs!)

But despite being totally on board with the whole - women being able to dress how they like thing.. It just feels weird to have a little girl dressing in that way. Someone help me unmiddle my thoughts and tell me how to handle this!

MrsDavidBowie Sat 28-Jun-14 09:48:32

Why buy her a crop top??

OorWullie Sat 28-Jun-14 09:48:39

I'd be more comfortable seeing an 8 year old in a crop top than a grown woman tbh.

I used to wear them at that age, they're just short t-shirts for kids, they help keep cool surely?

not sure if that helps but i honestly wouldn't think twice about a child in a crop top.

DrankSangriaInThePark Sat 28-Jun-14 09:50:53

If she's 8 you can tell her.

If she's 8 she didn't buy the crop top and skinnies herself, did she?

Happybeard Sat 28-Jun-14 09:51:16

I didn't buy it MrsDavidBowie, not sure where it came from. It was either a present, a hand me down from a friend, bought whilst visiting her dad, or bought whilst out shopping with he her older step sister.

It's pink with a leopard print "30" on it and with the skinny jeans it definitely looks more like something a 18/19 year old would wear than just a kid who was trying to keep cool

Buttercup27 Sat 28-Jun-14 09:51:28

Why buy it in the first place e if you're not happy with her wearing it?

Happybeard Sat 28-Jun-14 09:52:05

But thx oor. I think part of my problem is other mums thinking how irresponsible I am to let her dress like a late teen

Buttercup27 Sat 28-Jun-14 09:53:36

Sorry my phone didn't show the previous post. If you're not happy with it let her wear it once and when it's in the wash it can mysteriously disappear (just like it mysteriously appeared)

DrankSangriaInThePark Sat 28-Jun-14 09:55:11

It sounds hideous.

My half-sister used to buy dd clothes for birthday and Christmas. Bags and bags of spaghetti strap fluorescent tops with icky transfers and jailbait slogans on. They went straight to the PDSA shop.

You don't want her to wear it. She's 8. You win.

Happybeard Sat 28-Jun-14 09:55:25

She has about 20 items of clothing I've no idea where they came from grin envying those of you who must have a much tighter control over what clothes they own!

Yes, I can just tell her she's not to wear it. She's obedient, that's not the issue. It's more that if/when I say no, what's my reason? And should I even be saying no? Kind of gives her a message that I don't want to give her. But equally... I don't like her dressing like that confused

Happybeard Sat 28-Jun-14 09:56:20

I like the idea of it becoming lost!

Needaninsight Sat 28-Jun-14 09:56:26

At 8, you decide what clothes she owns.

Sorry, am I missing something here?! Get rid of it!

enderwoman Sat 28-Jun-14 09:56:38

If you dislike it so much then you need to misplace it so she picks a different top with her skinny jeans.

It's hard to imagine how a crop top and skinny jeans looks like an 17 year old. I see lots of 10-14 year olds wear that combination and they look fine. (I have an 11 and 13 year old so see lots of kids in that age group)

Helpys Sat 28-Jun-14 09:57:39

It's easy for clothes to disappear at that age!

Happybeard Sat 28-Jun-14 09:57:58

She does look about 10/11 ender. Maybe that's part of it too

Chumhum Sat 28-Jun-14 09:57:58

I wouldn't let my teen dd dress like that, I think it looks cheap. I get that your dd is 8 and should be able to wear anything without it being sexualised but you are likely to be judged if she's dressed like that. I think I'd say no.

OorWullie Sat 28-Jun-14 09:58:12

Maybe I am in the minority then? I had a white one with a metallic flower when i was 8, most of my friends wore them too.

Could you encourage her to layer it with a little full-length strappy top underneath?

Needaninsight Sat 28-Jun-14 09:58:48

I dont understand how you dont have control?! You wash them etc
Just get rid of anything you dont like. You dont need a reason. Youre her mum, not her mate!

OorWullie Sat 28-Jun-14 09:59:03

I am now 25 by the way, and dont have a DD so i am guessing things have changed alot since i was that age!

Happybeard Sat 28-Jun-14 09:59:26

Ah chumhum that is a good way to say it... That it looks "cheap" that's not sexualised is it. But conveys the way I feel about it same as if a 19 year old was wearing it or a middle aged woman

Happybeard Sat 28-Jun-14 10:02:54

Sorry needaninsight you've missed the point. I'm definitely not her mate and I've no issue saying no - I just don't know if I should and if it sends the wrong message

claraschu Sat 28-Jun-14 10:05:20

I would just tell her it is ugly and the colour makes me want to vomit if I felt strongly. I wouldn't mention anything about modesty etc. to an 8 year old. She shouldn't have to think about that.

If my daughter loved the top I would not worry about it too much, though I would try to manipulate her tastes a bit.

thegreylady Sat 28-Jun-14 10:06:02

You let her wear it today. Do not undermine her confidence by saying it looks cheap. Put it in the wash where it mysteriously becomes lost or damaged.

chemenger Sat 28-Jun-14 10:21:50

She's eight. If you don't like it then get rid of it. Just say you don't like how it looks. As long as you don't habitually try to control every aspect of her life in detail you get to make some decisions that don't come with detailed justifications. I would simply sit down and edit out everything you think is unsuitable from her wardrobe and save yourself this hassle in the future.

HowMuchMoreWee Sat 28-Jun-14 10:23:39

Tell her she will catch a cold if her kidneys get cold & make her wear a jumper underneath the crop top grin

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