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Is your life turning/has your life turned out a lot differently to how you expected?

(75 Posts)
MidLine Thu 26-Jun-14 04:07:55

Just thought this might make an interesting discussion....

For example, before I had a child, I thought I would like to have maybe three or four but am now pretty sure I'm sticking with one as I hate bring so effing exhausted all the time! for a variety of reasons.

How is your life different to how you expected and do you think its for the better/worse?

LairyPoppins Thu 26-Jun-14 04:11:01

Hello,

I was the same as you re children. Before we had any, I wanted 4.

Then we struggled for 7 years to get pregnant, had fertility treatment and had twins. We decided two was more than enough.

Because we had had such trouble conceiving, we thought another wouldn't happen naturally, so when the boys were 4, I had my implant out (I am 39) and we didn't bother to use contraception while we decided out long term family planning. One month later I was pregnant.

I am now 34 weeks with DC3. DTs are nearly 5. We will cope, but it isn't at all what I expected!!

CheerfulYank Thu 26-Jun-14 04:12:54

Hmmm...I thought I'd be a writer by now! smile

And also I thought I'd have more children by this point...I used to say I wanted to be done by 30. I'm 32 with an almost seven year old and a one year old. I don't feel "done" yet so definitely not done by 30.

Also I seem to have become a semi-Catholic. That was unexpected!

weegiemum Thu 26-Jun-14 04:16:49

We planned to work in the voluntary sector in a Latin American country - both trained with good skills and I learned lots of Spanish.

Then I developed a rare, degenerative neurological illness which means I can't go abroad as my treatment is specialised and hideously expensive (thank goodness for the NHS!). So Glasgow it is. I've made my peace with this - dh still struggles.

MidLine Fri 27-Jun-14 04:42:45

Interesting, thanks for replying!

Eastpoint Fri 27-Jun-14 04:49:56

I live in London with a tiny garden, I always thought I'd have a 'proper' garden. My granny & great granny both lived to be over 85 & both were very active & mobile through their 80s so I thought my children would have a granny. She died unexpectedly when they were 4, 5 & 7. Just typing that has made me cry as she wanted to be a granny so much & her dreams never came true. My children don't know what it's like to have a good granny as MIL isn't interested in them & lives overseas.

captainproton Fri 27-Jun-14 05:03:09

We wanted a big family, I've got 2 babies and a stepson. When I was pg with DS I found out I have a chronic health condition which means I probably would be a fool to attempt to have more.

Also I'm probably never going to have the energy to do half the things people in their early 30s do.

I've had to accept my new pleasures in life is being in the garden, cups of tea and doing the sudoku. I thought that I would be retired feeling like this and I look at my dad who is twice my age living a life I cant.

Glad I travelled a lot in my 20s. Going to tell my children to seize the moment and don't put things off.

Started dating DH nearly 3 years ago, now married with 2 kids if we hadn't done things the way we did we'd not have our beautiful family.

Life is what you make of it, and I guess we should learn to accept what fate hands us. Nothing is fair I suppose. I learnt that from counselling I had dealing with my mother's alcoholism many years ago.

Hugs for weeglemum

littlegreengloworm Fri 27-Jun-14 05:45:59

Hugs to weegie too

I suppose it's better in ways. I didn't really have confidence in myself when I was younger but now I have a Masters and a couple of Post Grads. Good salary. Own home. Married with a baby and another on the way. I didn't think I would be the main provider though. Also I have felt let down by a lot of people and a bit lonely but always try and be happy.

I have a lot to deal with from my mother too and the impact that has on my life is something I can't hide away from.

littlegreengloworm Fri 27-Jun-14 05:46:46

Also to you captain

CheerfulYank Fri 27-Jun-14 06:24:14

Sorry about your mum Eastpoint. thanks

AggressiveBunting Fri 27-Jun-14 06:25:59

I've lived outside the UK for 6 years and both my children were born in the country we currently live in. In my twenties, I was a complete London-phile, thought I'd live there forever, and the expat life didnt appeal at all. We only really moved as it's the expected thing in Dh's sector and planned to do it for the mandatory 2 years, then move back. Now I cant imagine going back. It's weird to think that I may never live permanently in my birth country again and also I guess the implications for my kids- there's no reason why they would necessarily decide to settle in the UK.

imip Fri 27-Jun-14 06:33:30

My life turned out better than I expected, but I didn't expect anything after growing up in a shitty, dysfunctional family...

So having a normal boyfriend in my 20s was a surprise! He dumped me at the end of my 20s, so did some extensive travel. I constantly side stepped my career, but always earned above average and it always enabled me to do the stuff I wanted, though money was tight (brought my own 1 br flat as a single women when I was 30).

Meet dh at work. He is very lovely, didnt quite expect that smile. He is tight careful with money and he earns well. Even if something unfortunate happened, I should never experience the shitty, poor upbringing I had as a child, and hopefully my kids will have a lovely childhood, albeit spoilt (to my shame, but my parents were violent, so I really can't apologise).

I always thought I would work part time after having kids. I'm a sahm, my first dd was still born. We had enough money for me to stay at home.

Oh, and I live on the other side of the world.

Things aren't perfect, I'm not sure where my life will lead me now, I struggle sometimes with 4 dcs, but I am so infinitely fucking glad that my life has turned out so different to my siblings. Our shitty upbringing has marred their lives, while I seem to have escaped relatively scot-free...

thanks to those whose lives took unexpected turns...

williaminajetfighter Fri 27-Jun-14 06:37:47

Some things have turned out the way I'd hoped -- for instance always wanted to live in the UK and finally made it here at 28. 16 years later I'm still here.

However I definitely thought I would be wealthier and more successful grin. But I underestimated how damn hard it is to get rich and how tough it is sometimes to navigate the world of work. Also never thought I'd have DC as I wanted to focus on a career and because my childhood was so dire (and therefore I assumed most would be). Now lying here beside 7month old DD who I had at 44 -- so a nice surprise!

ScarlettOHorror Fri 27-Jun-14 07:46:45

My life was fine, busy with kids and work and friends and family. Then last week I found out I have ovarian cancer which was discovered when they were removed during my hysterectomy. Now I am undergoing tests and waiting for results to see if it has spread elsewhere. I think I've had it for a while but didn't realise as the symptoms easily go unnoticed.

I'm not posting this for hugs and flowers, just to say how much things can change in a short space of time. I want my old life back. People keep doing sympathetic head tilts and hushed voices at me.

I didn't want to get married or have babies and I hated the idea of an office job.
I always thought I would live either in a completely rural location or a penthouse in a major city, doing a creative job and being mildly famous.

I am married, baby on the way, office job, terraced house in outer London!!

ParsingFlatly Fri 27-Jun-14 07:59:23

O lordy, Scarlett. Have the hugs anyway - but I promise not to do the <headtilts> Good luck for the test results.

Mine's the same as captainproton - including being VERY glad I threw myself into life and travelling in my 20s. It's comforting to me that I didn't waste what I had, when I had it.

Mumof3xox Fri 27-Jun-14 08:00:23

I always thought and said no children before 25

On my 25th birthday I was pregnant with dc 3

I never imagine how much I would want a slightly larger than average family, I would love a fourth

I always said I will never get married, yet the wedding is booked!

Skinheadmermaid Fri 27-Jun-14 08:02:29

I never thought I would ever even have a boyfriend or move out and would literally die alone in a caravan covered in dog hair and i'm getting married in two weeks! (and live with my dp)
As clearly anything is possible i jacked in my soul destroying office job at the end of last year and am in the process of starting my own business like I always dreamed of when i was younger.

sadsaddersaddest Fri 27-Jun-14 08:08:42

I had stellar marks at school so I thought I would have a good job and be well-off and travel.
I ended up a teacher and I am now a SAHM with DH in a low-paid job.

On the positive side, I thought that I would be childless because no one could possibly want to have children with me. We have 3 DCs!

Icelollycraving Fri 27-Jun-14 08:19:15

I thought I'd be famous with 4 children grin
I have married a man who is frankly an odd choice. Stems from when I met him,I wanted someone who would make me the center of his universe,after several crap bfs. He did but that brings many other problems,he is quietly controlling & I've gone from being a sociable friend to a bit of a hermit.
I find being a mum quite hard. I was very settled in a job I loved & was great at,but was made redundant a year ago. I haven't managed to get a job yet & money is very tight. I am used to buying what I want without really thinking about it. I feel increasingly angry & disappointed.
Sorry to be negative but I am becoming incredibly down about it all.

Rowboat Fri 27-Jun-14 08:30:20

i thought I'd have 4 kids like my mum but we'll probably stick with 2, certainly not 4shock ! Can't imagine how she managed it.
I also imagined I'd be wealthy with a big house. A part of me still thinks this is round the corner for us, but really, I can't see how it could be. Other than that, I thought that I'd be married with kids by now and I am.smile

trice Fri 27-Jun-14 08:33:02

I loved work. I became disabled at 34 and will never be able to go back. I do lunch to get some social contact. Old me would be disappointed in what I have become.

I am a bit of a socialist but my kids go to private school - never saw that one coming.

Showmethesunshine Fri 27-Jun-14 08:33:03

Thought I would be married with kids by now (in my 30s) but neither have happened.

But I do have plenty to be grateful for other than that, wonderful DP, lovely home. Hopefully the kids will happen, albeit later than I expected.

unrealhousewife Fri 27-Jun-14 08:40:54

I always thought I would buy all my food from m&s. I go to Lidl now, like normal people do.

I wanted 4 children but I now have 2 as one has disabilities.

treaclesoda Fri 27-Jun-14 08:41:01

Totally different. I thought I'd move away from where I'm from, have a big career, travel the world etc.

Due to circumstances I wasn't able to do any of those. I'm a sahm grin

It's not what I would have wanted, but it's fine.

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