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If a wedding invitation only has the adults names on...

(112 Posts)
ToffeeMoon Sun 04-May-14 05:13:31

...you assume your DC aren't invited, right?

catinbootz Sun 04-May-14 05:16:39

Yep

Euphemia Sun 04-May-14 05:21:25

Yes

ToffeeMoon Sun 04-May-14 05:48:15

Oh, shame. I was looking forward to it, didn't even consider we might not all be invited. It's a short plane ride away, no way I can leave my children behind.

Should I tell them the truth, that I have a small baby who is fully breastfed and a toddler who has never been left o/night.

Or are you just suppose to politely decline?

Lj8893 Sun 04-May-14 05:49:55

Politely decline and say why. They may then invite the dc.

Just ask them who it includes, it may just be an oversight

LettertoHerms Sun 04-May-14 06:44:37

Politely decline, explaining the reason. You might get an, "Oh that's a shame, we'll miss you" or you might get an extension of the invitation to your dc. I wouldn't ask outright if they're included - I would for the babe in arms, that's the usual exception for child-free weddings, but with the toddler it's tricky, so I wouldn't ask.

WaitMonkey Sun 04-May-14 06:56:08

I'd decline.

ClubName Sun 04-May-14 07:03:11

Yes, Letter is right.

Are they people who you would have "expected" to be at their wedding IYSWIM, or have you been asked to make up the numbers? i.e. how close are you?

ALifeOfPie Sun 04-May-14 07:07:15

It's fine to say the reason, so long as you are careful that your wording couldn't be interpreted as passive-aggressively angling for an invitation-extension to the children. If they really want you there they will extend the invite...

HOWEVER every child has to be left overnight for the first time at SOME point - are you sure that you couldn't do a trial run between now and the wedding (while you are nearby) and then your toddler would no-longer be one who had never been left overnight. It would be much easier for them to extend the invite just to the babe-in-arms who wouldn't require a highchair.

MrsWombat Sun 04-May-14 07:18:02

Just politely decline, state the reason (breastfeed baby) and wish the couple a wonderful day. If it's an oversight they will let you know, and the same if they change their mind and invite the children.

Who is more friendly with the couple? Could you all go together and stay in a hotel, but only one of you go to the ceremony?

Funions Sun 04-May-14 07:21:03

Check before you decline. Some people have difficulty keeping track of names and ages of other people's kids. Due to Mumsnet's unique point of view on child free weddings or otherwise, I assumed DD was not invited to cousin's wedding. I psyched myself up to check and the answer was "of course she can come!" and there were no restrictions on small people.

redexpat Sun 04-May-14 08:16:47

Do the bridal couple have children? If not they may not understand that bf babies can't be left so easily. Your toddler will be fine if left with someone familiar.

We had to ask if DS could come to a silver wedding party on DHs side because my family live in a different country and they had invited all the other babysitters.

Honestly just ask them, and accept their answer graciously.

NearTheWindymill Sun 04-May-14 08:23:35

I think you should just politely decline. I'm not at all comfortable about the suggestions of taking the baby and leaving the toddler behind. The toddler has already had his or her world turned upside down by the arrival of a baby. The fact that mummy and daddy take the baby to a party on an aeroplane and leave him behind will make him very insecure and I think you will pay for it for weeks afterwards.

If they were relaxed about small people and couldn't remember names I'm sure they would have written Mr and Mrs OP and family on the invitation.

ClubName Sun 04-May-14 08:29:36

Yes, I agree with Windmill. Whilst it's perfectly reasonable to leave a toddler overnight if you've got the right person to leave them with, not a toddler who's just got a new sibling. And not while the rest of the family have a huge "treat"

Only1scoop Sun 04-May-14 08:33:17

I'd just politely decline.

They are aware of you having dc and if they wanted to invite dc they would have.

MaryWestmacott Sun 04-May-14 08:41:20

hmm, I think my toddler would consider a night sleeping over at Grandparents' house was a much bigger treat than going to a wedding where he'd be hissed at to "sit still." "be quiet" "indoor voice" "don't run" etc for the bulk of the day...

But OP, if people don't know your DC's names, they put "X and Y and family " on the invites.

Decline nicely that your DC2 is still breast fed so can't be left. It might be an oversight so will then tell you of course the DCs are invited, but it's probably not. I would say unless it's family, I wouldn't bother going to a wedding where DCs weren't invited if you didn't have someone (like a grandparent) it wsa easy to leave DCs with. (First time I left DC1 was for a wedding, DC2 hasn't been left overnight yet, PIL live close enough to do babysitting at our house if we want to go out locally, so overnights have only been for weddings in other towns, although we are running out of unmarried friends/family for weddings to attend so I'm not sure if that'll happen any time soon for DC2!)

ClubName Sun 04-May-14 08:45:53

Ordinarily I'd agree Mary, but this wedding involves a plane

juneau Sun 04-May-14 08:47:51

Decline nicely that your DC2 is still breast fed so can't be left.

Yes - this^. If there has been an oversight, that's their chance to rectify it.

NearTheWindymill Sun 04-May-14 08:51:48

You don't need to give any reason for declining and I wouldn't. The declining words in response to an invitation are:

Mr and Mr OP thank [insert host's name(s)] for their kind invitation to the marriage of their daughter [insert name] to [insert name]/or their marriage on [insert date], but regret they are unable to accept because of a previous engagement.

That's it; all done.

Only1scoop Sun 04-May-14 08:52:42

Agree Near....no reason needed.

ImAThrillseekerBunny Sun 04-May-14 08:59:11

A reason is not needed according to Debretts but I think that most people would find a flat decline like that a bit cold, and something more apologetic, giving a reason would go down better. Also, as others have said, if it's an oversight, or if they badly want you there, then it gives them a chance to invite the DCs.

NearTheWindymill Sun 04-May-14 09:01:02

I'd find an explanation rather previous and assume they were angling for the invitation to be extended to additional people to be perfectly honest.

mkmjimmy Sun 04-May-14 09:02:14

I agree with fun ions. When I was doing invites I'd really lost track of ages of kids of friends and relatives. So didn't invite husband's cousins kids but then someone else pointed out I hadn't I rang them up to say of course kids could come if they wanted. Cousins v happy to have night without kids as it happened. But I'm really glad someone pointed out the oversight. Just ask.

ClubName Sun 04-May-14 09:02:42

How is lying about having a previous engagement better than either declining without a reason or giving the genuine reason?

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