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How many "true friends" do you have/have you had?

(85 Posts)
ColdFeetWarmHeart Sun 04-May-14 01:33:25

I am genuinely interested to see whether I have massive issues in making/maintaining friendships, or whether I am in fact normal.

I went to 3 different primary schools, 2 in London and 1 in Kent. So I don't have any friends that I have grown up with from an early age. My closest friend at infant school was probably a boy, and I was also friends with a little girl (mum knew my nan, and they basically "introduced us" as she was really shy).
I started a new school in a different area at the beginning of year 3, and had a couple of friends there. But never saw them again when we moved down to kent at the end of year 4.
I really struggled to make friends in last 2 years of primary school. I made friends, and had some playdates, but nothing really lasted.

Anyway .... I'm not going to last every single friendship I have ever had. I did have a really good friend at the start of secondary school, but for one reason or another that friendship ended. Since then I have never found a friend as good as her. In fact, most people I seem to form friendships with turn out to be a bit of a user (after a while they only phone when they want a babysitter!) or are just a bit fickle ....

...........is something wrong with me? or is this a regular occurrence?

PassAFist Sun 04-May-14 01:36:31

If there is something wrong with you then there is something wrong with me too. I moved countries when I was 10, now 44, I haven't really had a proper friend since. I have acquaintances, but if there was an emergency in the middle of the night I have no idea who I would turn to. Neighbour probably, just because they're close. sad

Scousadelic Sun 04-May-14 01:53:44

Me too, I have lots of acquaintances and even some friends but close and true friends, DH is the only one I could be absolutely certain of.

I am in touch with 1 friend from school but am aware that I am not high on her list of priorities. I keep contact with maybe 3 friends from uni (Xmas cards from a few more though) but, again, I would not like to have to rely on them. Over recent years there are a few friends but some have come and gone which makes me feel that I can't be certain of anyone

ColdFeetWarmHeart Sun 04-May-14 01:54:46

That's precisely it PassAFist - I seem to be able to form acquaintances, but not really anyone who will always be there for me. Friend I am closest to at the moment, I don't get to see often. If I am having a bad time and I text/e-mail her (she works long hours so there is no point in ringing her) she will message me back and generally make me feel a bit better etc. But if there was an emergency I don't think she'd be there. If she had an emergency I don't think she'd call me.

I am very lucky that I have my DH. But it would be nice to have a friend to meet up with...... sad

ColdFeetWarmHeart Sun 04-May-14 01:57:44

I keep in touch with some girls from school via facebook, but it never goes passed the odd message on there, although I have suggested meeting up etc.

Since I left school and started work I have come across so many people that come and go for whatever reason, that I have become quite cynical.

EatShitDerek Sun 04-May-14 02:59:43

None. I have had the same friends from been 3. Some from been 12. They aren't true friends. On hear from them if I text them and if they want something. I get dropped when they are in relationships

Its sad really been 23 and having no friends

claraschu Sun 04-May-14 03:14:46

I have one friend I talk to almost every day. I can be completely honest with her, and we are interested in the tiny details of one another's lives. I would be so lost without her, but she lives in another country, so I don't see her very often.

LettertoHerms Sun 04-May-14 03:37:11

The only person I have that really fits the description is an online friend, and we've never met. We've been friends online for five years, and hope to meet at her wedding this year.

I have a "best friend" that I've known since high school, but I've never felt like she's there for me like I am for her. I talk to her far less than my online friend.

I had a best friend in childhood, knew her since birth, until we were 15, she moved away and I'm no longer in contact with her.

sad I hate not having a proper friend nearby to share my life with. I do have DP, but I'd like a girlfriend, however fab DP is he can't share my experiences as a woman. I've just never been able to make friendships that last. Actually getting a bit teary writing this out, it's always been a problem for me.

PrincessBabyCat Sun 04-May-14 04:41:22

I have one or two very close friends. I have lots of casual friends that I hang with from time to time, but we're not close.

However, I had an emergency quite some time ago and I was genuinely surprised to see how many friends helped out and reached out to me. So, you probably have more friends than you think OP.

I don't really need someone to hang with day to day though. I'm comfortable being on my own or with my husband. Of course I have had different friends during different times in my life. Now that I have a baby, I'm bonding more with mom friends and getting closer to them. I suspect as my kids start school my circle of friends will be class moms that will come and go with each changing class. smile

SpecialStuff Sun 04-May-14 04:48:35

I have none. All my friendships from school petered out when we left and I'm generally always the youngest at work which means I don't have much in common with everyone else.

It gets a bit lonely but I have my DH and dd.

Hairylegs47 Sun 04-May-14 05:53:26

I have none. I was beginning to think it was just me wink
I'm feeling quite reassured that I'm not really alone.

I'd did think I had a great friend, even after moving from the UK, I would seek her out whenever we went 'home' send her birthday and Christmas gifts, but one time back home, she was really rude and aresy when we met up at my BBQ - she and her family were the only ones invited. I was hurt, but thought shed been having a bad day, so the next time home, went to visit, she was still off with me.
I haven't a clue what I had done, I did ask, but she just shrugged her shoulders. Makes me sad, because I thought I was still the same as when I left the UK, maybes I've changed and she didn't want my friendship anymore.
At least my family still like me, right?? At least I hope they do. smile

SpottieDottie Sun 04-May-14 05:56:20

None but that's my own fault. I'm getting used to the idea.

insertwittyusernamehereplease Sun 04-May-14 06:00:36

I have what I would consider to be 2 true, close friends. I have others that I'm close to, but 2 that I feel completely comfortable with. I have lots of people that I know, that I talk to and have in Facebook. Only two that I would ever call upon if I needed them though.

Hikonyan Sun 04-May-14 06:47:21

I have zero friends.
I tend to attract users and people that treat me quite shoddily. I've started to notice that my "friendships" usually follow a pattern.

Gatekeeper Sun 04-May-14 07:07:03

I don't have any friends either , just dh and my children. Had good friends at school and in my young adult days but it all petered out, when I moved out of the area. I can't seem to 'click' with the mothers of my childrens friends and I don't seem to have anything in common with others I meet

bit sad really

Delphiniumsblue Sun 04-May-14 07:19:07

I went to six schools in total and I have 2 really close friends from those days. I have about 8 close friends that I am really comfortable with and can talk about anything and see regularly. I have some that I don't see much of,but when we do meet we can just click back in. I have lots of acquaintances- you can never tell which will cross over to friendships.

NickNackNooToYou Sun 04-May-14 07:24:11

Thought I had a few but when push comes to shove I realise I have none.

I'm getting used to the idea but hope MN never disappears.

Aspiringhuman Sun 04-May-14 07:34:34

None and I never moved schools.

TimeToThinkOfYourFuture Sun 04-May-14 07:35:57

I have one- one who wherever I went, whatever I did would still be my friend, I met her at uni. I have two or three others from work/ baby groups that are my friends now, but I am not sure they would be if I moved away, for example. I do however have three sisters a brother and my mum and dad who I am very close to, so I am lucky there.

TimeToThinkOfYourFuture Sun 04-May-14 07:36:40

Oh, and I have my DH grin

ihatethecold Sun 04-May-14 07:44:20

I have 1 close friend who I've known for 25 years. We don't see each other enough but when we catch up it's like old times.
I also have a couple of friends where I live who I can turn too.
Really easy friendships. We go camping every year as families.
I've moved quite a lot during my life but where I live now I've made the strongest friendships.
I won't move again because I would miss them.
They have helped me through some really stressful times.
I really value them.

ClubName Sun 04-May-14 07:48:20

I have had a number of friends who were very good friends at the time but as life moved on we drifted apart.

e.g. -my oldest school friend, we're still in touch but frankly in recent years I've come to realise we have very little in common

- I have a group of friends that I relied on very heavily (and them on me) when my Dc were small but again, now we don't have young children in common we don't have much in common.

I have two very close friends who I would do anything for and I believe they would do anything for me. One is a mum I met when DCs were small but that friendship has endured. The other is an ex-colleague and a man! We get on very well indeed and TBH, sometimes that has been close to too well blush For that reason we don't meet up very often (maybe once a year) but it is good to know he would be there if I needed him.

I have another friend who is such a lovely person she's a very good friend to lots of people and involved in everything in the community. I don't count her as "my friend" as such and we don't meet up very often but when we do it's always easy and like we've never been apart, even though I might not have seen her for a year.

Apart from DH and my family, that's it.

Like others have said though, I think in a real emergency we'd all be surprised just how many acquaintances would step up.

True friends for me are three from high school, 1 from uni and 1 since having ds. I have other friends but I could call up any of those ones and know they would have my best interests at heart.

MuttonCadet Sun 04-May-14 07:50:04

I have 2 close friends. But a large number of people who I would offer help to if they needed it. I'd like to think that the opposite would also apply.

weatherall Sun 04-May-14 07:52:46

In my late 20s I felt like this.

Was only in occasional contact with one person from school, no contact with Uni friends.

I felt very lonely. Thought that my window for making friends was over.

However over the past 4 years I've made quite a lot if new friends. I did a course and met people I had interests in common with there, although these have petered out since( but it was good at the time iykwim).

I got to know some MNetters through FB who are now good friends, then more friends of friends.

I joined an interest group/hobby and got very involved and that blossomed new friendships too.

So now I'd say I've gone from being home alone all the time (and not liking it) to socialising out of the house every month or so. It's so much better for my mental health.

I had expected to make 'mummy' friends through playgroups/ school gates but I always found these environments quite hostile and never fitted in so that's a shame but it really isn't the only way to make friends when you're a mum.

Although I do concede that a lot of this is facilitated by DP 'babysitting'. I know it's much harder when you're a single mum with no support.

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