Present dilemma

[mogs0]

I asked my family to limit presents to 3 each this year because we always go way over the top and ds and I have too many things in our house that it's getting out of control. Also, it's a terrible waste of money because half the things don't get used or aren't suitable.

My 3 present rule didn't go down too well and I felt like I'd come across as really ungrateful - though this definitely wasn't my intention.

I'm sticking to the 3 present rule and have found that I'm thinking a lot harder about the presents I buy and whether the recipient would really like it or not.

To get to my point! My sister has bought a selection of hand-made scarves from a colleague of hers which I saw yesterday. Whilst I thinking they look beautiful and are quite different to shop-bought scarves, they are so not my thing! I would have thought my sister would know this but she said in a round-about way yesterday that she was giving me one because she had one left over from the ones she'd bought. Also, that she'd gone way over the now laughable 3 present rule (which I'd thought they'd ignore anyway!).

I have just put 4 scarves in a charity shop bag because I haven't worn them for ages and I'm trying to down-scale my clutter. So, do I tell DSis now to give it to someone else or accept it as a Christmas gift but know that I'll never wear it. I know this is coming across badly but I have been so miserable over the last few months because of the amount of crap that I have and find really hard to get rid of.

[LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta]

I know what you mean. Our family are trying to give gifts that aren't actual things, eg for my brother and sil I ahve got them tickets to see dave gorman.

I don't think what you have said is unreasonable but you may have to work on them all year to get a result by next xmas

[mogs0]

I asked about the 3 present rule in October!!

My sisters and I tend to go shares on presents for other family members but they feel they have to spend an exact amount of money on something rather than getting something that might be a bit cheaper but is actually wanted or needed. I try to steer them towards theatre tickets or meal vouchers for the older family members because they already have everything but it's really hard work. It's my mum's birthday next week and whe DSis suggested her present idea and I backed out because I know Mum won't want it so have got her something by myself.

I'm trying to give things that can be consumed (mainly alcohol!!) but just when I think I'm sorted someone else will say they're doing the same!

[brandybutterfly]

I think you can enforce it yourself but (unfortunately) you can't stop others spending ridiculous amounts. I have 3 DC's and extremely generous IL's and they get soooo much stuff.

We don't buy them anything as they get so much from elsewhere...

[mogs0]

Do you feel sad that you don't buy them anything? A couple of years ago I got really offended because my family all wanted to put things in ds' stocking and I got irrationally protective over it!!

[Neverdoitagain]

Have gone for the 'no presents between adults' this year

working OK so far

yanbu. Just stop giving them anything and bet they don't bother next time!

[mogs0]

Ha, you don't know my family!!! They'd buy more just to stress me out more!

[brandybutterfly]

mogs noooooo we don't feel sad at all!!

In one way it's great for us because we can give ideas when IL's ask what to get 3 DC's.

They are all really generous (DH's parents are separated and adore buying stuff for our kids) so they really do get lots.

I swear, I'll come back and post after our 2 Christmas Days (one on Sun 20th at a hotel with Santa (!) and the other on Christmas Day) and I'll let you know what they got, you'll be horrified at the excess

[frazzled74]

at least its a scarf, my mil once bought me a huge reclining chair with footstool.took me years to get rid of that without hurting her feelings.

[mogs0]

brandy - half the problem is me because I like buying ds things for his birthday and Christmas. I have started selling things I've bought to my Mum because she's stuck for ideas for 'extra' presents. I think it must all be part of my control-freakishness - I couldn't just give them ideas, I'd have to give them the product number to be sure of getting exactly what I ds wants.
I'd love to hear what goodies your dc get!!

Frazzled - ah, yes, I can see your point!! My Mum and step-dad average about 12 holidays a year and insist on bringing presents back from every trip. One gift was a doily (I don't even know how to spell it nevermind what to do with it!!). It was carefully dumped placed in the car-boot box. I did one boot sale and the leftovers went to my Mum who was doing the next one. She found the doily in the carboot box and was so offended that I wanted to get rid of it. This happened about 5 years ago and it still gets mentioned regularly. I can't imagine how I'd go about removing a recliner and footstool unnoticed!!

[frazzled74]

my mum used to be way over top with ds1 he used to get his father christmas presents at our house, then go to hers and get an even bigger pile. In the end i explained that her gifts were overshadowing mine/father christmases and ruining the excitement etc. After that we kind of joined forces a bit and she donated to his father christmas presents and kept one or two back to give him at her house.Now i have 3 dcs, it has all gone out of the window and she buys them 1 0r 2 each.
I give family product codes etc if they ask but otherwise let them choose their own presents.

[mogs0]

Ah, maybe the solution is to have more dc!!

I offer for them shares in ds' big present but that ends up being an extra thing and they still do their normal amount on top!!

[brandybutterfly]

Trust me, I have suggested books - too boring. Clothes - too boring. Honestly, I think FIL regresses a bit and buys stuff that entertain him and therefore DS (7) and DS (5) and DD (18 months) will love it all too!!

And yes, it all stays in the boot of the car for weeks...

I don't want to sound ungrateful because I do think DC's are SO lucky, it's just not stuff I would choose. MIL is better, at least she tends to get what I suggest (wouldn't go so far as product codes though as I really hate being given a shopping list of presents myself).

Ooh I've just seen the Christmas emoticons...here goes!

[Bigbadmummy]

I think you are absolutely right.

We had a three present rule one year and no single present was allowed to cost more than a fiver.

We did it because we were going skiing and a) that had cost a fortune and b) we had to take the presents with us, and bring them home again.

I found a lot more thought went into all the presents and everybody was thrilled with their gifts (there were 20 of us).

It is so easy to "chuck money" at buying presents because people dont really think about it and that is when you end up with a load of tat you dont want just so somebody can say "but you had ten things and they all cost me £100".

[mogs0]

Bigbadmummy - did everyone stick to it? I didn't set a price limit because I know that would have totally finished Christmas it was bad enough limiting them to 3 presents! I did set a size limit though of not bigger than a shoe box - again, not a popular rule! The thing is they don't have to live with all this stuff. Ds gets so many big (size) presents from every member of the family (apart from my dad and step-dad. They're not so keen when I suggest they keep the things at their own houses for when ds comes to visit!!

[Bigbadmummy]

yep they all did.

And actually it was great fun seeing what everybody got.

I love your idea and the sentiments behind your wishes. Remember if other poeple dont like it, that is their problem, not yours.