Quite upset, shouldn't people be a little more compassionate

(20 Posts)
Northerngal29 Sat 07-Jun-14 16:52:12

Well I have started my Christmas shopping already as I find it will be easy to spread the cost.
I don't have much in but what I do have I think they shall go down well. Yesterday I was out shopping with my sister my nephew and my daughter. I had reserved two toys and I collected them yesterday. They are exactly the same toy one each for my daughter and the other for my nephew.
The toy in question was a Dinosaur which I managed to bag for about 8.00 instead of its original 40.00 which i was quite pleased with. The dinosaur is enormous and I think they will get many hours of enjoyment out of it.
My sister turns round to me and said are you giving DN that for his Xmas of Bday and I said Christmas so they can both get them at the same time.
So then my sister turns around and said is that it? I feel fairly upset and offended because she already knows DN will receive less off me than what my DD receives off my sister because my sister has a very large income and isnt a single parent compared to me and I'm a single parent and a small income.
It seems quite rude that she said this we weren't raised to be materialistic and she is expecting to get lots of things for xmas because she has already bought and wrapped her xmas things and it sounds like shes bought a lot.
But tbh she knows that I have less money and she shouldn't be expecting me to reciprocate with many gifts. I have only just started xmas shopping and I will be buying a lot less than what she has. But what I manage to buy I will be hoping they are nice and thoughtful gifts.
Shes been going on as-if its a competition but its getting me disheartened all I want my xmas to be about is for my daughter to have a wonderful day filled with wonderful food , family time and snuggling beside the fire with treats and xmas films. It shouldn't be about the gifts.

KoalaFace Sat 07-Jun-14 16:57:25

You're absolutely right, it shouldn't be about the amount spent on gifts. You've found something thoughtful that you think she'll enjoy and you got your money to stretch really well finding something that's worth £40.

I think she's been really rude and materialistic. Are you close enough to say how hurt you are and tell her how embarrassed about your financial situation she has made you?

IkeaFurnitureAssemblyChampions Sat 07-Jun-14 16:59:24

The only appropriate response would have been to have dropped your jaw, gasped, and stared at her. Shockingly rude, and she MUST know it.

Lilaclily Sat 07-Jun-14 17:02:02

Stop going shopping with her

Don't tell her what they're getting & just say it's a surprise

Pinkje Sat 07-Jun-14 17:03:18

What??? She has already bought and wrapped her christmas presents?

I know that's not the point of your post but......that shocks me.

Canus Sat 07-Jun-14 17:03:48

It will be whatever you make it.

I tend not to do my Christmas shopping with the recipients in tow though grin

You'll probably both have forgotten all about it by Christmas if you usually get on well.

You're right to feel upset. What you're sister said was rude and unthinking.

What did you say when your sister asked if that's all you intend to buy for your DN for Christmas?

Your sister*

mumofthemonsters808 Sat 07-Jun-14 17:13:21

This is the part of Christmas I hate with a passion, people buy what they can afford. Ignore her, your DN will love this present regardless of whether it is £8 or £80.Agree with the posters who say stop going shopping with her, in my opinion she either likes it or lumps it. My Best Friend bought my children nothing for Christmas because she was that skint and I respected that hard decision I would have been very angry with her if she put the presents on her credit card (which is already upto the ceiling).

Northerngal29 Sat 07-Jun-14 17:26:30

Yeah I shouldn't have really taken them with me to get them but I didn't expect her to react that way. Yes she thinks that's all I intend to give him for Christmas, I have just started shopping but he will be receiving more than one gift but I wont be going overboard.
I thought she would have be more pleased as normally I wouldn't buy such an extravagant gift but at that price I snapped it up, I know she would have be disappointed if I had only bought one for my daughter and not my nephew.

chanie44 Sat 07-Jun-14 17:46:27

She does sound entitled!!!

Maybe she was focussing on the price you got it for rather than the full price and is thinking it's 'only' £8. Not that's it's an excuse.

I think going forward, don't take her shopping with you or mention what you are buying.

fuzzpig Sun 08-Jun-14 07:37:43

What a nasty thing to say sad

I wonder if she'd have said the same if you'd bought it at full price?

JaneParker Sun 08-Jun-14 07:51:56

It's a class issue isn't it? The poor who cannot afford it get into debt to give children presents they don't need and want and are very materialistic. The middle classes know that quantity and value is not really what Christmas is about (it's about loving and Christ) and don't feel the need to give so much.

Just ignore her.

beatingwings Sun 08-Jun-14 08:02:10

"Christmas is about (it's about loving and Christ)"

I don't agree with that point.

JaneParker Sun 08-Jun-14 08:12:14

True that that is for Christians only. For others it can be about giving and love and spending time with those you love, even if you are an atheist surely rather than materialism, getting fat and spending money you don't have.

EvieAndRosesMum Wed 11-Jun-14 21:24:39

Jane- I'm poor, I'm also not a complete moron but thanks for indicating that the two are linked! I won't be spending more on my children than I can afford, they get very little and Christmas is much more about spending time together than presents! And noone knows anyone middle class who is materialistic or that spends stupid amounts on Christmas! Oh no middle class people are so much better than that.

DrizzlyTuesday Sun 15-Jun-14 00:02:27

Agree with EvieandRosesMum I'm poor but I'm not bloody stupid. How insulting to suggest that all poor people spend more than they can afford on their families for Christmas. I definitely don't know anyone middle class who spends more than they can afford on Christmas...

strawberryangel Sun 15-Jun-14 00:09:06

JaneParker Sun 08-Jun-14 07:51:56

It's a class issue isn't it? The poor who cannot afford it get into debt to give children presents they don't need and want and are very materialistic. The middle classes know that quantity and value is not really what Christmas is about (it's about loving and Christ) and don't feel the need to give so much.

That is the most patronising bullshit I have ever read!!! The 'middle classes' are no different to anyone else, and plenty are complete and utter dicks, as Jane has just proved.

Smilesandpiles Sun 15-Jun-14 14:13:46

Personally, I've seen that it's more of a case that the middle classes are the ones that get into debt. "The poor" already know very bloody well the value of money and can and do budget accordingly.

loveliesbleeding1 Wed 25-Jun-14 22:54:59

So jane, what about the working class millionaires,I know a few, and they would hate to be labelled middle class, you have shown that you have none, Bravo to you.

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