Do you spend the same amount on all dcs?

(71 Posts)
Clandy Wed 30-Oct-13 15:30:33

I want to spend the same amount on both dd's but im finding it really hard to do without buying things for he sake if it. But then I feel guilty for not spending the same. This is a really 'thing' for me as growing up I was very aware of how things were not equal for us in my family. I know I could just put money in the bank, but I wanted to give both dd's the same amount when they turn 18. Am I over thinking this?

I try and match the same amount of presents but not in money terms.

For example DD3 could open the cherry cat I have bought for £18 instead of £50 whilst DD1 opens her camper van hard backed note pad with matching folder and pen bought for £2.50 instead of £10.

Both will be grin at their fab presents but wouldn't think about how much they should have cost or think of their mum trawling bargin threads every night since July both gifts I would never pay full price for so they won't be expecting them.

RhondaJean Sun 03-Nov-13 19:17:20

No, I don't even keep a note really of what I spend, they get what they want and what I think they will use. They do both get a lot but I've never had any sibling rivalry over what the other gets, although now dd2 is getting older I'm taking note of when dd1 got things like iPods, iPads, phones so that I can make sure she gets them at similar ages.

princesscupcakemummyb Sun 03-Nov-13 19:14:09

i dont tend to look at the cost as in same amount i just buy what i know the children will love i try to keep to a similar sized pile though if possible

MadgeBishop Sun 03-Nov-13 19:08:21

They get similar amounts spent on them.

milk Sun 03-Nov-13 19:05:54

Similar, but definitely not the same.

We don't spend the same amount either, nor do I make sure they have the same number.

Some years DS1 (13) will have more spent on him and some years DS2 (9) will.

Last year DS1 wanted a new mobile phone and DS2 wanted a towel with his name on and an electronic pencil sharpener! This year DS1 wants the new Cherub book and DS2 a new road bike.

I think over the course of their childhood it all works itself out. If I started spending the same on DS2 as we spent on DS1 it would actually be unfair as he would get more spent on him earlier (if that makes sense).

dementedmumof6 Sat 02-Nov-13 20:30:40

No I try and give them one big thing off their xmas list each then some of the smaller things, this year ds (15) is only getting one thing but that's because his one thing is about £500 on its own the others probably won't get that much spent on them but will get most of the things they ask for.

WantAnOrange Sat 02-Nov-13 20:23:11

I agree, what's important is the personal value to the child not the cost. Mine will be getting roughly the same number of gifts but that's because I follow the "one thing to read, one thing to wear, one thing to eat etc..." formula so I can come up with ideas! DS is 7 and DD will be 15 months at Christmas, they want and need very different things.

For their birthdays, DS got a Lego city kit that cost £80 but DD got a large soft Peppa Pig that cost £13. They both get a great deal of enjoyment out of their gifts though.

wamabama Sat 02-Nov-13 15:09:26

My DM used to buy shite just to make the prices up so I'd end up with a load of tat I didn't want or need just because she felt guilty not spending as much on me as my DB. It was only because there was a six year gap between us so when he was wanting a million expensive toys, I only wanted one expensive electrical item and then the rest was stuff like CD's and videos which didn't amount to the same in £ but I would not have noticed. As long as you get what they have asked for they really won't care less about price differences.

I spend the same on dd1&2 (10&8) as they usually want the same things so usually around £600/700 each. dd3 though is only 20 months so we've only spent around £350 on her and it look about 10x as much in presents compared to her sisters. once she gets to around 4 we will up her budget to about £500 and then up to the same as the older two around the age of 6.

Lilicat1013 Fri 01-Nov-13 12:35:28

I do the same number for each of them, they are too young to care but I don't want to be sorting it out on Christmas Eve and finding one has loads and the other has a lot less. It also helps curb my tendency to go over board! I tend to buy to much without a limit to stick to.

I don't worry about matching cost, I try to match how valuable it will be to the child rather than the actual money cost.

I don't plan to mention comparing gifts with their sibling in any way either in cost or amount, I wouldn't encourage that at all.

hallowisitmeyourelookingfor Fri 01-Nov-13 09:24:01

No, we don't. They have different numbers of stocking presents and different numbers of tree presents. I'd be pretty annoyed if they sat and counted how many they had and whinged that one had 2 more than the other. Lots of thought goes into every present, regardless of what its cost. The Dds are 8 and 9 and got tablets for their birthdays this year and their main present from us this year will be a joint one. Ds is 2 and will be happy with 1 football. They get absolutely loads for Christmas though, from us and our huge families. I imagine if money was tight I would be more regimented about it. Say if I had 200 to spend altogether I would split it so there was equal between all the dc.

ILoveAFullFridge Fri 01-Nov-13 08:50:53

"respect"?

"whether we spent the same"

ILoveAFullFridge Fri 01-Nov-13 08:49:28

The value if the gift to the child is far more important than the value of the gift to you. They don't know how much you've spent. And unless you tell them, they won't care.

We try to keep stockings to a similar number of items, and not to give one child 15 tree presents and the others 2 each (I am exaggerating!), but if the numbers of presents are not equal, or the money expended is different, it really does not matter.

Once they are older, say teens/pre-teens, and have some idea of the value of money, we give them the option of getting one major thing and therefore getting far fewer things overall. Eg dc1 wanted an expensive gadget when he was 11 or 12, so he got it and a couple of books, while the othersstillgot their pile of gifts. No idea whether respect the same on each of them. It was irrelevant. They were each happy.

FreakoidOrganisoid Fri 01-Nov-13 08:40:06

Oh with the stockings I usually try to keep the number the same as they usually open them together in my bed and compare what they've got. ..

FreakoidOrganisoid Fri 01-Nov-13 08:38:01

I don't think about the money. Both my dc get one or two presents from me at Christmas so it's usually a biggish present anyway. As long as they get what they want then it's fair imo (my boyfriend and I greatly disagree on this though)

I like to try and keep it even, as there have been years where I got much less than my sister, and it felt awful. However, it's ds's third Christmas and dd's first so we'll see in the next few years how it goes.

cheesypastaplease Thu 31-Oct-13 19:19:20

My dcs are 5 and almost 2. I will end up spending more on eldest dc this year, but I assume it will balance out throughout the years.

CreamyCooler Thu 31-Oct-13 18:48:54

I don't. Last year DS2 got a laptop which was way more than his

brothers. This year DS3 is getting a PlayStation 4 so his will be the most expensive. DS1 gets less because he's left home and at work. DC are 25, 15 and 13.

OurMrsReynolds Thu 31-Oct-13 16:47:39

No I don't but it evens out.

They do have the same number ocd of presents though

fuzzpig Thu 31-Oct-13 16:38:43

Yes I get roughly the same number for their stockings too, mostly as they are mostly items that appear year after year - both get a magic flannel, a toothbrush, undies, socks etc, then a couple of surprise bits

SpookedMackerel Thu 31-Oct-13 14:57:37

I don't spend the same amount.

For their stockings I will get the same number of presents each, and they will be the same sort of thing eg, book each, DVD each, crafty set each, small toy each. But within that I'll get things that I think are best for each individual, so I might spend more on on than the other - I won't keep track though! I imagine it will all even up in the end anyway. But to a younger child, who doesn't know how much things cost, it is size and number of presents that I think it is important to seem even, not price.

AbiRoad Thu 31-Oct-13 12:52:40

No, they each get a main present from us (and possibly one or two others) and smaller pressies from FC. If one needs a new bike one year, it is likely to cost more and I am not going to make a point of finding something for the other one that costs the same particularly when they have asked for something else, and I am not going to buy them "extra" presents as I think that would be seen as more unfair. Smaller pressies, they get roughtly the same amount. Cost might be different (I would lose track as I tend to start picking things up from Sept) but I would try to make sure it looks roughly fair. It all comes out in the wash though, the next year the other one might be the one that needs the new bike. It might change when they are teens and are more aware of cost of things (and more selfish!), but I will def try to discourage that way of thinking.

NaiveWoman Thu 31-Oct-13 12:07:05

Actually I am trying to look more at the number of gifts rTher than the cost.
Oldest dc is 11yo now so I expect that soon the cost will also have an influence.

My dcs are also close in age and I found that the first couple years I bought stuff for dc2 and dc3 not because they needed it but because dc1 needed to see thatSanta was taking care of his siblings as much as he was taking care of him.
What I found is that as they were getting older they had different tastes so needed different toys anyway.

The important thing is to make it fair in their eyes rather than fair on price or number of gifts etc... And that will change as they are growing up.

TeWiSavesTheDay Thu 31-Oct-13 11:52:21

Sorry, same amount of gifts that was meant to say.

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