Bloody selfish and horrible teenagers, WWYD? Beware - very long!

[lilibet]

This is a lot of writing for a problem that would never have occurred if I had done things differently in the past, but as I can't change how I acted then, here goes ...

I have three dc's who last Christmas were 23, 18 and 15. The youngest two are boys. Since they have been born they have had a stocking hung on their bedroom door and it has become tradition that they pile onto our bed on Christmas morning to open their stockings (yes even at those ages!) and it's a really lovely part of Christmas for me, all five of us and three cats on the bed. They don?t each have their 'own' stocking, we have two snowmen and a reindeer and they each have always wanted the reindeer but I have always tried to rotate it. (Yes I know, you?re looking at their ages again to make sure you've read it right!).

Last Christmas Eve Dh and I had the news that Bil's fiancée, age 31 was terminal; we had met her about a dozen times, the children less than that but it was still an awful shock. That evening the boys 18 and 15 fought like two people possessed over the fucking reindeer stocking. I said that dd should have it but still it went on, they both said that it wasn't her turn, I ended up sobbing, dh was shouting that people were dying and did it really matter and it was all dreadful. We went to bed with dd having the reindeer on her door and duly filled the stockings. During the night ds1, changed all the contents so that he had the fucking reindeer, he thought this was bloody hilarious. In the morning I said that this year the boys would not get stockings.

So what do I do? If they don't have stockings they won't come onto our bed and a lovely bit of Christmas will be gone forever. I am reluctant to get new ones as these have been going for years and were bought by their grandmother who is now dead. If I just get the boys new ones, one of the little buggers will swap it in the night and why should dd suffer, it's probably her last Christmas at home as she is moving to Aus in January.

Fuck - what a lot of typing for such a crap and insignificant problem!!

If you've stuck with it so far - thanks

[onyx72]

Get rid of the stockings. Your sons don't deserve them if that's how they behaved.

[CabbageLooking]

Maybe it's time to accept that the tradition needs to finish as they have now grown up. Sad, but it sounds like it's run its course if it's only causing problems.

[FireOverBethlehem]

get all three of them new stockings with their names on them, and bloody reindeers under the names if you can get them. If you can't, don't do stockings - tell them on Christmas Eve that you can't go through the hassle that the reindeer stocking caused last Christmas so all presents will be under the tree.

No, you won't have everyone piled into bed together, but you and DH may get a cuppa in peace whilst they open presents downstairs. At their ages, they should realise that actions have consequences and your DS' behaviour last year means that stockings change for this year.

[HuevosRancheros]

Yes, it's sad that the "piling on the bed to open stockings" tradition will come to an end. But at the same time, you won't be feeling angry, on what should be such a happy morning, that your children are behaving in such a way.
But I would warn them the night before, so you don't have strops on Christmas morning!

[Pancakeflipper]

I like the idea of new stockings.

In fact you use the old ones for yourself and give them an orange each and stuff yours full of treats

[procrastinor]

I'd actually talk to them about it. Basically if it happens again and they act like bloody adults then that's it. If I got any sort of idea that they intended to mess about again I'd just say forget it.

[LaCiccolina]

Do u really need to bring up last years arguments this year? Does it really matter in the scheme of things?

Seems odd that ur brooding over it still so much. Wouldn't let the troublemaker have the reindeer one but see no reason to stop things this year. Has nothing else happened this year?!

[RubbishCrackerPuller]

I would ditch the stockings at that age personally. However as a possible compromise how about marking each persons (I won't say childs!) presents with a label, marker or sticky dot and then mix them up in all the stockings. Then hang them somewhere neutral?

[MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour]

New stocking and hide the reindeer one, and hide it well!

I can see why you want to keep the tradition and it's not fair for you to lose it because of their bad behaviour. Keep the old stockings, they are a lovely reminder but it's time to change things around a bit. Maybe get smaller ones so the tradition is more symbolic, but you can't carry on as you have been- it's not fair on anyone

I have six and they all have identical stockings but personalised with thier names on to prevent this kind of situation

[WineOhWhy]

If my DDs did that, their stocking the next year would be one found in DH's sock drawer. (Actually, when I was a girl we had my dad's socks as stockings.) You still get your tradition, and they get manky stockings which are no doubt smaller than they are used to.

[HullyEastergully]

Oh that is so funny and awful...

Last year was last year. They didn't mean to be horrible about the situation, its just that as long as the child traditions continue, the child feelings will surface (I'm looking at me, my dsis and 2 dbros - all past 40...).

Say that you will only do stockings if lots are drawn for the reindeer and then the decision is adhered to. And mean it.

[GreatUncleEddie]

I'd talk to them now about how awful last year was and what can be done differently this year. They are adults and you should discuss it with them, not little children as their behaviour suggests for you to come up with a solution. Probably draw lots is one good solution, I expect there are others.

[AmberLeaf]

Let bygones be bygones.

Last christmas eve was a difficult one, but it should'nt carry over to this year.

[Cantbelieveitsnotbutter]

No, don't ditch the stockings! I like the idea of new ones with their names on so its no arguing.
Tell them your putting the reindeer one away for grand kids (that's gonna be a whole other argument!!)

[Rwep]

Hmm, there's a large part of me that says well you said no stockings, so no stockings it has to be.

How are they generally? I mean is this kind of behaviour a regular thing? Could it work to make a "joke" of it and let them put an ordinary sock out this year, but no flippi'n reindeers?

[glentherednosedbattleostrich]

New ones with their names on and I would be tempted to give DD the reindeer one when she moves to Aus

[ledkr]

Give them all stockings with nuts an orange and a wooden toy. I have 3 older ds and can't say I want their hairy arses piling into my bed any more they make tea and we open ours stuff downstairs they just naturally did that as they reached around 15 tbh.

[Jojobells1986]

I'd say stick to it for this year, maybe bring them back next year if they promise to behave. Even if you stop the stockings for now, the whole tradition can always be re-introduced when grandchildren arrive so it doesn't have to be gone forever!

[Lesbeadiva]

I don't get why you didn't just get three of the same stocking? ESP if they have fought over it for years. I get that you don't want to stop the tradition so why not let last year go? Tell them to act like grown ups, get new stockings. Otherwise tell them you are not doing it at all, if that's the way you feel it ought to be.

[DreamsTurnToGoldDust]

I`m sorry but I did sort of laugh at your DS, sounds like my brothers when they were younger, my poor mother.

No, carry on with the tradition, last year happened but dont let it spoil this years christmas, however, I think I would try and think of an evil payback for DS1 though

[SHoHoHodan]

Tell them that since they behaved so awfully they can all have the reindeer- they must share the one stocking between the three of them. So significantly fewer gifts for each.

Unless, of course, two of them will do the 'grown up thing' and nominate one person to have it...

[twinklesparkles]

I'd give the stocking to your dd and leave the boys out ...

Bit harsh but thatll teach em to behave this christmas if they want a go of the stocking next year..

[Greensleeves]

Do exactly what Hully said and all will be well.

Don't drop the tradition just because they are grown up! I would be heartbroken if dh didn't want us to do stockings for each other after the kids grow up, never mind not doing them for the kids

[OhTinky]

Could you use the much favoured reindeer stocking as a xmas decoration for the house? Could it be the pet's stocking?! Seems a shame not to use it, but I think the tradition is clearly a bit fraught and needs to be adapted a bit.

[pigsinmud]

I thought it was quite funny that one of them changed the stockings round in the night I really don't think you should be worrying about something a year later. Get new stockings for them all.