Christmas Day problem...

[mogs0]

Every year Ds and I spend Christmas with my Mum, Step-Dad, 2 sisters, BIL and as many extras and can fit in the house!

Since my ds was born the guest list has also included my Aunt (my Dad's Sister). She and my mum didn't speak for a decade and were forced to reconcile when ds was born.

For the last couple of years, my aunt has volunteered with a charity on Christmas day so has come and spent a couple of hours with us in the morning then gone off to do whatever it is she's signed up for.

My mum is not speaking to her at the moment and it's just occurred to me that there is no chance that mum is going to invite her for Christmas (even if the invitation is declined) and it's going to cause real awkwardness with them both!

Any suggestions on how to deal with it/them?

[gillybean2]

I'm not clear. Your mum isn't going to invite your aunt or she is going to invite but it may get declined?

What's the issue here? That you won't get to see your aunt or that she may come and things will be frosty?

[mogs0]

Mum won't invite her. I have a feeling that if Mum were to invite her that my aunt would say she's busy but she would then feel like she was being included. My aunt is very awkward and you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. If she doesn't get an invite she'll be put out that she didn't get one. If she does get an invite, the chances are that she'll say she can't come for the whole day but might well come for a couple of hours to watch ds open his presents.

There is no way Mum is going to invite her under the present circumstances.

I live next door to my aunt so will be put through daily emotional blackmail over not being able to see ds at Christmas etc, etc.

[girlywhirly]

It might seem to your mum that the aunt is just bothering to come at all to see DS, and the atmosphere is strained anyway, so why bother. And then she goes off to her charity work and I guess your mum feels that her efforts at being inclusive are being rebuffed.

If your aunt goes off on one about not being invited, you can calmly say that, as she always says she is busy when your mum invites her, mum takes her at her word. Don't get drawn into an argument, though, but your aunt is her own worst enemy here. Make it clear it's not up to you who your mum invites to her home for Christmas, in case your aunt was trying to get you to put a word in on her behalf.

I don't blame your mum for not wanting to invite her, they've tried, but they obviously are never going to get along, and I don't see why, as the hostess, your mum should have to worry about it. And remind your aunt that there are twelve days of Christmas and she could see DS on one of those instead. If she wants to she can keep her present back to watch him open it then.

[brass]

I think you're trying to force a situation that should be left alone.

It's your mum's house and she should decide who she wants to invite.

Your aunt is not a close as relative as a grandparent so I'm not sure about the blackmail to see your DS over Christmas. She can see him another day surely?

[healthyElfy]

I would invite Aunt for lunch one day before or after Christmas, so she knows she can see your son on another day, and stay away from the Christmas day issue. Its between them and a decade of dislike is hard to get over.

[mogs0]

girly - you're right, she is her own worst enemy.

brass - my aunt is as good as a grandparent to ds. She has no husband or children and my sisters and I grew up with her around a lot so feel she is a lot closer than my aunt on my mum's side.

healthyElfy - we live next door to her so ds sees her practically everyday.

So, I have spoken to my sister this morning and she told me that my aunt has booked to go out for Christmas Dinner with 2 of her friends at the poshest hotel ever! Problem solved!

Thanks for your advice and suggestions. It is a very complex situation that has been growning and changing for 20 years and I really don't like having to referee. I love Christmas and I hate the idea of a member of my own family not being included in something that the rest of us are part of. However, if she doesn't want to be a part of it then there's nothing I can do !

I'm starting to like the idea of ds and I having Christmas on our own one day...

[healthyElfy]

Thats good, it sounded a little like Christmas was the time when she saw your son.

[mogs0]

No, she sees him all the time but often remarks on how she never gets to see him despite us living next door to eachother . You just can't please some people (even though I do try very hard sometimes ).

[healthyElfy]

:o