How well does your DH interact with your DCs?

(8 Posts)
Cheeka Sat 09-Feb-13 18:55:59

Just wondering because I get really miffed when DH looks after DS (25mths) and he just 'ignores' him. Permanently on his bloody iPhone looking at BBC news app. If he's not on his phone and DS is whinging, he flicks on peppa pig or shock horror pulls up peppa on the damn phone. Hence DS has addiction to Peppa!i know I'm not the greatest mum and I do get a bit bored playing with DS (he's wuite difficult to play with short attention span as with most toddlers) but I do have a conscience...to be fair DH does sometimes play with DS but only after I tell him to. DS is a little behind in his speech and language and I wonder if DH could be pitching in a bit more. We're attending a speech therapy course snd the advice is to talk to DS as much as possible. DH can't be bothered most of the time...anybody have similar stories to tell?

What's DH's reasoning for the lack of interaction? Is he scared to for some obscure reason, or does he think that voices on a screen will do just as well (they won't)?

DH here gets up with small child here (26 months) every morning before work, and then generally tries to get home by 7.30 so he can do bedtime routine. They also have Saturday as their 'adventure' day and go off travelling on the buses and trains to various places together.

Your DH isn't that unusual unfortunately though. Out of my circle of friends with children - four would be similar to my DH, the other three are more like yours and only interested when it suits them.

Hope you work through it soon - it must be very frustrating, particularly if DS needs 'live' rather than screen interaction to help his language.

MikeOxardAndWellard Sat 09-Feb-13 21:05:00

Dh gets up with dd and gives her breakfast while I bf ds. When he comes home from work and on weekends he plays with her, reads to her, baths her etc. She likes tv as well, and sometimes dh or I will play on phone or computer while she is watching her cinderella, but not instead of playing.

Cheeka Sat 09-Feb-13 22:10:57

He doesn't have a reason for the lack of interaction angry.he is totally unperturbed and when I call him up on it, he angrily accuses me of doing the same (I don't- if I do check my phone, it is always v briefly for texts and always when DS is engrossed in something) or he protests that HE has been interacting, when he hasn't. It's quite depressing. He is v lazy in nature, eg won't take DS to park unless I come too (but i'm heavily pregnant with twins at the mo) or he only takes DS out on his own if he is driving to a destination/or has a chore e.g. To his parents/to sainsburys! He is not working at the moment (just been made redundant, as I was when I had DS) so we are home a lot more. When he does interact with DS it is lovely and DS laps it up but DH can so easily switch off. Both your DH's sound lovely envy it's been such a struggle with mine...but that will be a future thread in relationshipssad

Congratulations on the impending arrivals. grin

To help resolve the lack of interaction - how open do you think he'd be to having someone (could use a relative or friend) video your whole family's interactions over a day or two? Watching it back might allow him to realise things for himself.

If you were to book the two of them into a course of weekly activity (swimming/playgroup type thing) with a minimal cost, would DH be likely to go if the activity had been pre-paid for?

Also, ahead of your next speech therapy session, maybe call the therapist and ask if they could include something on the length of face-to-face interaction necessary to support DS (and something on why using a screen is too passive to work).

Hope you manage to find a solution.

Cheeka Sat 09-Feb-13 23:26:10

Thanks moonlightgrin
Deep sigh, I think DH would refuse point blank to be videoed. He has a fear of such things and he would refuse to go on a course/activity with just him and DS. At a pinch he would come along with ME but he won't on his own. At the first speech therapy session, he came along and muttered to me that this is his worst nightmare-as it was structured as a nice easy going play session with games, songs, toys and observation by the experts. Needless to say he has not accompanied me since then and isn't v interested in what happens during these sessions..He doesn't think there is anything wrong with DS's speech development, if something is unpalatable to him, he redresses it in his mind....for example DS's eating isn't great either - v fussy - but he tells me that i'm stressing and that DS eats loads and tells people so. Eg once my sister came for lunch one day and asked if DS eats veggies, I said not really, he's v fussy and DH piped up 'yes he eats veg' and when I challenged him, he had no answer...
I think DH will be a lot better once DS is older and can do more interesting things (to him) eg bike rides in the country but in the meantime...

Ah - so it is more fear (i.e. he knows he's not great, but is running away from it rather than addressing it) than laziness, so while frustrating now, at least that's something.

I think you may have to drag him along to a few organised things and then disappear in the first few minutes, only showing back up again half an hour or so later (isn't it amazing how pregnancy vomitting can hit at any time? wink)

Seriously though, hope you get through the bad patch and are able to enjoy your current, and expanding, family. Whatever about DH, DS and new arrivals will certainly do well with you as a mother from the sounds of it.

Cheeka Mon 11-Feb-13 00:46:53

Cheers Moonlight! smile
To be fair, DH has come a long way since DS was born 2yrs ago. It's going to be manic when the twins arrive next month...
Thanks for the advice...smile

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