How to keep DTD exciting when TTC?

(47 Posts)
whiterose2011 Tue 12-Feb-13 13:17:08

We are on cycle 5 of TTC after a mc (we conceived on the first month of coming off the pill with that pregnancy) and I'm concerned that DTD is becoming a means to an end rather than the exciting, sexy, frivolous activity it was before.

I know 5 months is short in the grand scheme of things but if anyone can share any tips to keep the passion alive, I'd be keen to hear!

Thanks wink

omama Tue 12-Feb-13 23:32:13

Sorry no advice but bumping as would also like to know the answer! Almost 12 months of ttc for us & frankly the passion is gone!

whiterose2011 Wed 13-Feb-13 08:20:36

Thanks omama! Lets hope someone has some pearls of wisdom to share with us! grin

MolotovCocktail Wed 13-Feb-13 13:26:18

You honestly just need to try and forget that you're TTC. Just have sex every 2-3 days (particularly mid-cycle) and try to forget that you want a baby from it. Otherwise, it becomes a kind of mission. A task to endure I found that, once past ovulation, I lost interest, particularly as month rolled to month sad

DD1 took 9m to conceive. DD2 took 2 years and 6 Clomid cycles. I very nearly lost my mind TTC her. I admit that I was drinking more than usual and I used alcohol as a coping strategy. I'm not advocating this at all, but it was only at that point where I was able to 'forget' what we doing. On reflection, we conceived DD2 whilst on holiday, after I allowed myself to forget..

Sincerely wish you both good luck x

IrnBruTheNoo Wed 13-Feb-13 13:30:46

Take TTC out of it, and just have some fun. Make it less formal. Don't think about 'making babies'.

moggle Wed 13-Feb-13 14:16:38

This is great advice in theory but I would pay good money to anyone who could tell me a foolproof technique for forgetting we are TTC?!!! Apart from getting paralytic ;-) especially if you don't naturally have a high sex drive, or busy working lives so you have to make time for dtd over the relevant period... no way can I forget. I can think about it less often, but still multiple times a day... Forget, no way :-(

Thumbwitch Wed 13-Feb-13 14:23:35

We didn't manage the forgetting - but we did reduce TTC to its bare bones of getting the deed done asap, because DH was getting performance anxiety, poor sod.
It wasn't much fun for me, I have to say, but we managed usually 5-7 times over my fertile period each month. We very rapidly realised that more than once a day wasn't going to happen.

In the end, we just used to laugh about it - about how our sex life had been reduced to this, and how the faster it went, the better - not what one would imagine you'd be thinking about sex! It became a means to an end, we accepted that, laughed about it between ourselves, and carried on.

I, amazingly, managed to forget when my period was due so successfully that when I did get pg with DS2 last year, I couldn't actually remember the date of my LMP - his EDD was dated from the early scan we had at 6+4 (had had 3 MCs between DS1 and DS2).

So, my only tip is to bring humour into it. Accept that it is what it is, laugh about what you've been reduced to and realise that it won't always be this way.

Good luck!

Tinyflutterby Wed 13-Feb-13 14:26:07

We are ttc#2 and its been 6 months already. Took 2 years first time and almost ruined our relationship. Dreading same hapenning again. Hubby has lost interest in sex through it and will only oblige when I'm ovulating. You should see his face, makes me not even want to bother.

moggle Wed 13-Feb-13 14:35:24

Agree with the 'faster is better' adage, would be funny if it wasn't so depressing. DH has a stressful job with long hours, and we don't always manage it as often as id like. He looked like the cat who'd got the cream when last month we managed it every other day for almost all my cycle, only because his boss wasn't in for a couple of weeks after Xmas so he was way less stressed and sleeping more. Still no bfp though.

DoctorWhoFan Wed 13-Feb-13 16:05:19

I'm struggling too. I have a DP who has never had a particularly high sex drive, despite his relative youth in comparison to me. However, mine has all but disappeared over the 2 years of ttc, and without preseed it would probably just be a non-starter. I love my DP very much, and still fancy the pants off him after nearly 3 years together, but sex HAS become rather functional, and given my age (45) it's something we really have to get down to when I'm ovulating, even though my poor DP works very hard in a really physical job and is often very tired, and my meds have killed my sex drive sad

Sorry no help here but just to let you know you aren't alone. It's hard to be doing it like rabbits when you have stressful jobs isn't it? We were more 2-3 times a month kind so no way we can just forget we are ttc. Or I will never get pregnant. My strategy is to chart and use opks etc to reduce to number of times needed to be a minimum sad

IrnBruTheNoo Wed 13-Feb-13 17:26:13

I think if you're over analysing it then it won't happen. It took me six months to conceive baby no2. After a few months I just resigned myself to the fact that DS1 would be an only child. We went away on holiday, and came home. I started to take up a few different hobbies, and forgot about trying for a baby and accepted it wasn't going to happen. Then out of the blue, I realise that AF hadn't showed up for a week or so, did a test and it was +. I was not expecting it, it was a shock. It tends to happen when you are least expecting it.

I have no experience of charting, using OPKs, or whatever you call them.

DS1 came along sooner than expected in my life, so not the same situation. Strange how it can be such a different experience second time round..

IrnBruTheNoo Wed 13-Feb-13 17:28:16

My point is that because I decided mentally that it would never happen again for me, that was when I was truly relaxed within myself, and conception was much easier, effortless? for want of a better word.

MolotovCocktail Wed 13-Feb-13 17:39:33

Effortless conceptions for all!! Too scared to actively TTC a third child so would like a 'happy accident' in the future smile

Thatssofunny Wed 13-Feb-13 17:44:12

I just can't relax and find the whole process rather difficult, tbh. Penetration is really painful for me (I tear every time and it hurts like hell - tmi, sorry) and the thought alone makes me get all tense. Using preseed helps a bit, but I'm not finding it in any way exciting. Close to making DP come in a cup. blush Using the same strategy as OneLittle at the moment.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Wed 13-Feb-13 17:46:43

We definitely couldn't 'forget' we were TTC. What we had to do was make more time for each other so that we were in a more romantic place. Key for us was massage. We got some massage oil (Sanctuary stuff is nice from Boots). We gave each other massages maybe 3-4 times a week, always with the condition it was not automatically going to lead to sex, but the skin-to-skin contact and the intimacy often led to sex. If not, it helped us relax. One word of advice - make sure you remove the oil before touching intimate bits, ouchy! smile

GoSuckEggs Wed 13-Feb-13 19:09:12

We have been TTC for 12months, W have both sort of joked that we cant wait to get a BFP so we can STOP having sex!! grin

My DH was starting to do the oh-for-gods-sake-leave-me-alone face, So now we have sex everyother day and on the days in between we do his favourite thing. A BJ - keeps both of us reasonably happy

Soph80 Wed 13-Feb-13 20:06:21

ok I'm going to say 2 slightly unorthadox words.... INTERNET PORN grin

Thumbwitch Wed 13-Feb-13 23:37:27

I will add in things that I think may have helped though:
1) Using the Bilings ovulation method, so keeping an eye on the cervical mucus.
2) drinking enough fluid, especially water, to make sure that it was hydrated enough to do the job
3) Making sure DH was hydrated enough as well so his fluids were nice and runny
4) taking vit D, as I was low in this despite being on daily multivit/min and fish oils - low vit D is a potential cause of low fertility and MC, and I'd had 3 MCs.

I think the vit D was the biggest factor though for me.

Soph80 Fri 15-Feb-13 20:33:34

gosuckeggs - so have we! We actually really look forward to non-baby making sex! Thank god for preseed, thats all I can say lol!

dondon33 Fri 15-Feb-13 20:41:40

We have Thumbwitch's attitude towards it - accept it for what it is and just do it - quickly.
Of course, it's just our first try and I could think completely differently 6 months in if I don't get a BFP but at the moment we're agreed even if we don't feel like it/feel passionate. We've both had a 'Aww FFS! Noooo' moment already hmm
I'm going to try and keep our 'love making' separate so I forget about ulterior motives and sperm stealing smile if that makes sense?

HavingALittleFaithBaby Fri 15-Feb-13 20:43:32

I can literally count on one hand the numbers of times we've dtd since I got pregnant. I'm 30 weeks confused it's like having a holiday from TTC!

EuroShagmore Fri 15-Feb-13 20:49:28

We are on our 28th cycle.

A few months in, we stocked up on silly black lacy bits form Ann Summers. It helped to get us in the mood when we were both knackered after a long day at work but ov was imminent! I think most men like a bit of smutty underwear, and if they are really horny, it will probably help to get you in the mood.

Soph80 Fri 15-Feb-13 22:33:22

Shag week is pretty much like a SOS mission....get in, get the job done, get out grin

RedRobin1 Fri 15-Feb-13 23:00:25

It becomes a chore doesn't it?

- ttc month 1 we booked a romantic stay at a hotel. DH wined and dined me. Perfect evening. Lots of shagging that month - period arrived boo.
- ttc cycle 2 booked a holiday away
- cycle 3 read 50 shades of grey and another holiday.
- cycle 4 bring out the sexy lingerie
- cycle 5, 6, 7 a bit of a blur
- cycle 8 stooped to porn but didnt work for us - worst sex ever.
- cycle 9 fed up of ttc
- cycle 10 trying not to think of it as baby making and going back to what we did in cycle 1 and its actually working. Just old romance and not mentioning OV or OPKs or temps.

I dreamt the other day that I had a bfp and the first emotion I felt was RELIEF. Relief that we didn't have to dtd for a good few months!

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