To expect only the guests I've invited to turn up to my DD's party?

(186 Posts)

It was my daughters 8th birthday recently and I envited all the girls from her class. Most of them replied and one asked if she could bring her sister. I said yes, then kind of wished I hadn't, because I thought now I can't say no to any other siblings and there could be loads.
Anyway, we had all the replies, so I bought the right nomber of party bags, specially made cup-cakes etc and set a pretty table with the right nomber of chairs. Then 3 siblings turn up. There parents hadn't asked me if this was o.k, if they had, I would've set extra places etc. The siblings sat at the table and so there wasn't enough room, which caused 3 tearful girls. I had to squash them in on the corners. Then the uninvited siblings were waiting for party bags. (With their parents!!) The parents even expected that the siblings that hadn't been invited should get a party bag. shock When I said "I'm really sorry, but I only have enough for the girls I invited" They looked rather disgruntled.
Is this quite the norm when it comes to parties? I thought I was very rude, but is that just me??
I put so much effort into this party as it's the first one since she's been at the school, and felt it was a bit of a flop. My daughter has SEN's and became quite overwhelmed and tearfull. She's never had a party with that many children before. (I know that's my fault for inviting too many)
I think next year we'll just have a little party at home with one friend.

Yanbu. I always ask if I can bring along dd2 if I can't get a baby sitter, I take food for her incase there's not enough although there usually is and I sure as hell don't take up a space at the main table or expect a party bag. I am merely grateful that I was allowed to take her so dd1 could attend her friends party.

LIZS Sun 03-Mar-13 12:54:17

Not unreasonable at all and very bad manners of the other mum's to assume siblings were invited. tbh most I've been to from about 5 or 6 were drop and runs so no need for siblings to stay.

whatyoulookinat Sun 03-Mar-13 12:55:59

Yanbu but I'm sure you know that. If they needed to bring siblings because of childcare issues fair enough but very rude to let them sit at the table & expect party bags.
Could it be that they spoke to the parent who asked if older sibling could come & she gave the impression it was fine for others to bring extra kids ?

jellybeans Sun 03-Mar-13 12:56:11

YANBU. It isn't the norm. I have brought other DC to parties but I go off and pay for them seperatly and they do not join the party! A couple of people asked me if their sibs could join and they would pay, I did let them join and did pay but was a bit peeved off as was already at the limit of my budget per head. If some people don't turn up though I sometimes offer the spare places to sibs.

All the parents stayed to this one. Infact one of the uninvited siblings had both parents there! confused Maybe they wanted to make it a family day out.

Phineyj Sun 03-Mar-13 12:57:56

YANBU, did these people expect you to be psychic?!

CloudsAndTrees Sun 03-Mar-13 12:59:02

YANBU, but I have learned from experience to always have spare party bags, extra food and plates as this is a common story. You will never end up with too many because even if only invited guests turn up to the party, you can always give out spare party bags to siblings that come to collect or take spare food home for later in the day as party food isn't particularly substantial.

Party drama like you describe is almost a parenting rite of passage.

Hmm, maybe she did give the nod that it was o.k to bring siblings. They still should've asked though. I caused a lot of stress on what should've been a happy day.

TheChaoGoesMu Sun 03-Mar-13 13:00:34

I had this. 1 sibling that I was aware was coming, and 4 that just turned up, sat at the table so there wasn't enough room at the table for the invited children, and queued up for party bags too.

Well I've had my party drama, I've been there and done that now. Never again though! grin

Meglet Sun 03-Mar-13 13:03:24

They should have told you they had to bring a sibling and checked whether they could stay.

I often have to take both dc's to a party but I always let the parents know in advance and take something for the spare sibling to do / nibble. And to make myself even more annoying I have to stay because of allergies blush.

5madthings Sun 03-Mar-13 13:04:17

Yanbu I sometimes have issues with childcare and have to take siblings but would always always ask first and pay for them myself and no they would not expect a party bag! And if it wasn't OK they wouldn't go and I would sort something else!

We even had tears and tantrums with pass the parcel, as I'd wraped it enough times for all the children to open a layer and get a little chocolate egg. Luckily I bought spare chocolate eggs, but this wasn't enough for one little drama queen.

Tryharder Sun 03-Mar-13 13:06:11

That's weird and rude. YANBU.

I sometimes take my other children along to a party at a soft play centre if one child has been invited BUT they do not go into the room where the food is or join in the party games or get a party bag. They play outside until the others come back out.

I had one little girl unwrap the first layer of pass the parcel and looked at her egg and said "Is this all we get?" I said "what were you expecting?" and she said "a pack of Haribos". shock

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Sun 03-Mar-13 13:11:23

YANBU. The other parents were rude and thoughtless.

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Sun 03-Mar-13 13:12:21

And so too were some of the children, to judge by your latest post!

jalopy Sun 03-Mar-13 13:14:48

I can remember as a child doing pass the parcel and there being only one gift at the end! .....and it was exciting.

Thumbwitch Sun 03-Mar-13 13:15:16

YANBU at all!

Rude parents, and rude guests in some instances! shock

Never mind. You've done it once, you don't ever have to do it again wink - and next year's party sounds perfect!

Chottie Sun 03-Mar-13 13:16:46

This is incredible, I think parents who expect siblings to attend the party are very unreasonable. I would never dream of asking either. If siblings are invited it is a different matter of course.

I would say no, I haven't room, the games / entertainment has been arranged for this age group only and is not suitable, etc. But I can imagine, you were caught a bit on the hop!

3littlefrogs Sun 03-Mar-13 13:17:03

I once did a 5th birthday party in a church hall, with an entertainer, party food set out on tables etc.

Some parents brought (several) older siblings who proceeded to eat the food, open the party bags, run around shouting and throwing things. Parents sat gossiping while their kids ruined the party.

Never again.

Some people are incredibly thoughtless and rude. I can't help wondering if these adults were never taught manners when they were growing up, and therefore don't know how to teach their children.

I'm glad you all agree with me. I wondered if I was being a bit too sensitive about it, but when you've worked so hard and spent so much money, you do want it to go well. I was so bussy getting teas, coffee's playing games etc that I didn't get to spend much time with my DD. All in all, it wasn't really worth it but never mind. At least now I know.

TheEndTisHere Sun 03-Mar-13 13:27:13

YANBU Most parties my DD's have been to have been on a Sunday. My husbands only day off so if our other DD can't go we don't go. We always ask and pay for other DD and when we have a party for one of the girls we say siblings welcome but to confirm.

Last party we went to was midday we went shopping for baby stuff in the morning, went to the party and then went to a local farm. DH day off is family time.

Was the 4 children all siblings? I would never assume siblings welcome, how very rude off them!

lostmykeysagain38 Sun 03-Mar-13 13:28:56

I sometimes have to take both DC to a party (if absolutely no alternative!) where only one has been invited. Luckily, most of the parties are in a local soft play place so I obviously pay for the one who isn't invited and then buy them some food while the others are eating. The one who isn't actually invited would never expect to get a party bag as they understand that they are not part of the party.
I would be horrified if they asked for one!
Mind, I deal with some very entitled parents and children every day. I can imagine which of those would do what you have said in your post!

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