To wonder what makes some people truly nasty on public transport?

(101 Posts)
redplasticspoon Fri 22-Feb-13 19:28:06

I was taking dd, age 2, in a pushchair home from nursery today in the bus. Got on the bus, and this particular bus had a rather small pushchair/wheelchair area, with a woman standing so that I couldn't get the pushchair in. I said 'Excuse me please' and she didn't move, then said it a second time louder in case she didn't hear me - she looked at me and still didn't move. At this point a man who was sitting down with bags on the seats next to the pushchair area got up to make space to just about push dd in the space. (I apologised to him for having to move, and just to be clear - there were lots of seats available on the bus which the woman could have sat on).

A couple of stops later a second pushchair gets on, and the woman moves, but hits my dd in the head with her bag. It looked rather purposeful to me. DD said 'Ow' but didn't cry. I turned round to her 'You hit the baby in the head', she ignored me, no apology, I then said it a second time and then called dh for support as it made me quite upset that someone would treat dd in this way. I don't know what else I could have done, and wonder how someone could behave this way towards my dd. Please tell me I'm not BU, or what could I have done better?

buggerama Fri 22-Feb-13 19:31:16

You could have told her you couldnt believe how bloody rude she was, and publically embarressed her, thats what I would have done

WorraLiberty Fri 22-Feb-13 19:31:21

Are you sure she spoke English?

How was your DH able to help?

TheDemonShedMaster Fri 22-Feb-13 19:31:30

Oh, you did nothing wrong and you know it. Some people are utterly, utterly ignorant. For what it's worth, if she had behaved that way to me, we would have had a short conversation about manners...

zwischenzug Fri 22-Feb-13 19:31:57

You did well not to hit her in the head. I would struggle to be so restrained.

This person sounds fairly typical of the large number of people in this country who have a severe dislike of children, sadly it's an ingrained part of the culture here. The reaction to children when abroad in some countries is so noticeably more positive to what you see in this country.

Could she have been deaf?

Did she look like she was being deliberately rude?

redplasticspoon Fri 22-Feb-13 19:34:14

Worra I don't know for sure that she spoke English, but even if she didn't, it is clearly just courteous to move to allow a pushchair in. And not speaking English is no excuse for hitting a child..

DH was able to calm me down and reassure me.

willesden Fri 22-Feb-13 19:41:53

I think I would have taken the 2yr old out of the buggy and folded it especially when the second one boarded. The woman was horrible, though.

smellysocksandchickenpox Fri 22-Feb-13 19:46:57

no excuse for the hitting

but unless your child was asleep in the pushchair I see no reason why she had to move, you didn't really need her space you could have folded and both sat down?

(I would have moved, but just sayin that I would do it out of courtesy, but not because you needed or were entitled to the space with an awake child in an umbrella folder! maybe it was they way you seemed so entitled to it?)

redplasticspoon Fri 22-Feb-13 19:48:30

willesden, there was no need to fold the buggy as there was room for 2 if no one else was standing in the pushchair area. Or are you saying that I should have folder the pushchair because the woman did not want to move to the available seats?

Floggingmolly Fri 22-Feb-13 19:50:53

She was entitled to put her buggy in the buggy space, smellysocks confused
Bus drivers tend to insist upon it...

Chottie Fri 22-Feb-13 19:53:52

willesden not sure where you are, but UK buses have a designated wheelchair / buggy space. 99% of people just move to let buggy or wheelchair users into the space. There isn't anywhere else to go on a bus if you have a buggy......

smellysocksandchickenpox Fri 22-Feb-13 19:54:58

on most busses they are technically wheelchair spaces not buggy spaces...

anyway, I would have moved, just sayin it's not like the OP needed it to travel on the bus unlike say someone with a small or sleeping baby or a non folder.. and it might have been the way she demanded the space rather than asking for it gracefully

smellysocksandchickenpox Fri 22-Feb-13 19:56:16

there is elsewhere to go on a UK bus with an awake 2YO and a foldable buggy though confused

redplasticspoon Fri 22-Feb-13 20:00:00

Smelly socks, I'm not sure if you read the OP, but I did say 'excuse me please'. In London there are stickers saying it is for use by wheelchairs and pushchairs if not needed by a wheelchair user. I agree a wheelchair user has priority, but I would have thought most people would agree that a child in a pushchair has priority over a standing person? Dd, like most toddlers, is prone to misbehaviour, and it is far easier to keep her in a pushchair than faff around folding it on a moving bus.

fertilityagogo Fri 22-Feb-13 20:00:58

My condolences. I've been traveling on London buses with my DS's for over 4 years and have encountered some terrible rudeness. And just to point out that simply 'folding up a buggy' on a bus isn't as easy as it sounds?!?!? Especially if you are negotiating a 2 year old, folding a pram, gathering your bits from the carrier underneath, all while trying to maintain your balance on a careening bus (usually full of other people) is NOT PRACTICAL OR REASONABLE.

I should also add that I always give up my seat for elderly or disabled people, even if it means balancing a child or two on my lap, and always, always, get off the bus if a person in a wheelchair is getting on.

I've found that public transport showcases the absolute worst of humanity....(although I've met some lovely and helpful people along the way too)

AnaisB Fri 22-Feb-13 20:01:00

Saying "excuse me please" is hardly demanding.

AnaisB Fri 22-Feb-13 20:02:12

X post with op

redplasticspoon Fri 22-Feb-13 20:05:55

Fertility thank you. I just wonder what is it that makes people like this?

I have family in Israel and when I visit it couldn't be more different. I was ushered to the front of queues while pregnant, offered seats immediately, and when I went with dd everyone in public admired her and couldn't be more helpful. I just find it rather sad that London is so different. sad

sapphirestar Fri 22-Feb-13 20:06:56

Yanbu, the buses where I am all have signs saying 'designated wheelchair/pushchair space. Please give up this space if a wheelchair/pushchair user wants to use it.' I hate rude people, would have had to have said something!

smellysocksandchickenpox Fri 22-Feb-13 20:10:34

Saying "excuse me please" is hardly demanding.

depends on the tone

fertilityagogo Fri 22-Feb-13 20:16:50

smelly do you mind my asking how often you travel on buses with young children?

AnaisB Fri 22-Feb-13 20:17:13

Ok, If the op snarled "excuse me please" she was being unreasonable.

smellysocksandchickenpox Fri 22-Feb-13 20:18:01

fertility I do actually rely solely on public transport, it's really no big deal if you don't get a "parking" space with a child that old and a folding buggy

smellysocksandchickenpox Fri 22-Feb-13 20:18:47

x post with fertility - I travel exclusively by foot or bus, with two of them.

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