To grass up my sister

(76 Posts)
FoxtrotFoxtrotSierra Sun 03-Feb-13 21:57:47

I don't like her. I need to get that out before I ask if I'm being unreasonable.

My sister has never managed her finances well. She has been managing the minimum repayments on her loans/credit cards for some years whilst living rent free in my parents' house and pissing all her money up the wall. She also stole just under a thousand pounds from my father a few years back but because she's the baby we're not allowed to talk about that

Anyway, she's now unemployed and can't make her minimu repayments. She's decided to go into a Debt Relief Order, which is like bankruptcy for people who owe less than £15k (she does if you don't include my parents), have assets worth less than £300 (her car is worth £1200 but she's claiming my parents own it and she has some v expensive jewellery) and people who have disposable income of less than £50 per month (she pays nothing towards keep at home and her entire income is disposable). So she meets none of the criteria.

She has said she's not going to list what she owes family, is going to claim her car belongs to our parents and that she pays rent to them when she doesn't. I can't sit by and watch whilst she perjures herself (and it is perjury) claiming that she doesn't have anything to show whilst the rest of us pay however much in interest to service our debts. Moreover, my father is a magistrate and my mother a county councillor. Surely in their positions of public office they have a duty to make the authorities aware of the lies.

DH has said it's me being a cow, which might be the point, but it feels like my sister is again not taking responsibility and telling more lies that she thinks she will get away with and therefore not learn from her pretty fucking massive mistake to date.

So AIBU to point out to her, and if she doesn't listen the relevant authorities, that she isn't telling the truth?

ImagineJL Sun 03-Feb-13 22:00:38

Are your parents prepared to collude with her lies? Because surely that would be risky given their jobs.

SirIronBottom Sun 03-Feb-13 22:01:57

ImagineJL's thoughts are mine exactly. Grass her up to your parents and leave them to do the rest.

DeepRedBetty Sun 03-Feb-13 22:02:10

I think you need to back away from the whole situation. Your parents are the ones who are being affected by her, not you.

MadamFolly Sun 03-Feb-13 22:02:21

I'd shop her, what a cow.

You'll be saving her from herself, she could get in real trouble for perjury.

FoxtrotFoxtrotSierra Sun 03-Feb-13 22:02:54

Unfortunately my parents are turning a blind eye and excusing her behaviour again hence I feel the need to do something.

MamaMumra Sun 03-Feb-13 22:03:09

What do your parents say? I think YAB a bit U (even though she sounds well out of order). Will your family withstand the fireworks if you do grass her up?

DeepRedBetty Sun 03-Feb-13 22:03:39

Sorry, not clear if your parents are aware or not of her plan, if they are, more fool them, if not, you'd need to find a tactful way of blowing her gaff.

MamaMumra Sun 03-Feb-13 22:03:54

Oops x post.

DeepRedBetty Sun 03-Feb-13 22:04:04

x posted.

CauDyGeg Sun 03-Feb-13 22:05:34

I don't think it's any of your business, although I suspect you may go through with it out of spite.

Are your parents aware that this is what she is going to do? Are they going along with it? Is your sister aware of the possible fallout for your parents if they collude in her lies?

Sorry, but it does also sound as if your parents have enabled her for years and are partly responsible for her fecklessness. They need to wake up to this too.

SirIronBottom Sun 03-Feb-13 22:07:40

I would stay out of it, actually. You may hate her but you would seriously damage your relationship with your parents.

CloudsAndTrees Sun 03-Feb-13 22:09:29

If the car belongs to her and they check, they will be able to tell whose name it is registered in. It's up to the family that she owes money to whether they want to be listed as creditors or not,many whether they want to chase their money back or not.

I can understand why you are extremely pissed of with your sister, and the situation she has gotten herself into, but I don't think you will achieve anything by telling her what to do. It doesn't sound like she cares. Presumably she already knows right from wrong without needing it pointed out to her, and she is choosing to do wrong. If your parents want to enable that, then that's up to them. I don't have much sympathy for their position either really, they have allowed their child to become this spoiled and not pay her way.

From hearing my friends recent experience of bankruptcy, the service is very over stretched and they just don't seem to bother with checks on things. Nor do they worry about making you pay what you owe, you just pay what you can afford (or what they think you can afford) for a little while, and that's it.

mrsbunnylove Sun 03-Feb-13 22:11:29

you'd be shopping your whole family. are you ready to live without them? they might not forgive you.

FoxtrotFoxtrotSierra Sun 03-Feb-13 22:12:04

CauDyGeg I'm really trying to not go down that route, but you do massively have a point. I'm asking because I don't want to be that person.

WhereYouLeftIt I agree that my parents have responsibility (my sister is 32 and has never paid her own way FFS) but ultimately I want my sister to take control of her own life. My DM will always make excuses for her, but she is an adult and at some point needs to act as one.

I don't want to be a spiteful bitch, I really don't, but I don't want this to be something we all collude in.

CauDyGeg Sun 03-Feb-13 22:17:13

Then don't become that person.

This is your choice.

Don't let something which is not your problem, become your problem.

You are maybe a little jealous, that she has been 'sheltered' from responsibility?

zoobaby Sun 03-Feb-13 22:17:40

YANBU to dislike your sister, but may want to reconsider doing something that can come back to bite your parents. Though they merrily accept your sister's crap, they won't thank you for your interference.

PrettyKitty1986 Sun 03-Feb-13 22:19:10

Your sister sounds like an irresponsible cow.
Nevertheless, yabu here. Keep your beak out and let your parents fight their own battles.

Agree with clouds, you cannot deny car ownership, in the UK and the information has to tally with your insurance, you as the registred owner/keeper.

However the interest charged by credit companies is ridiculous and they have well made their money out of your sister.

Be honest, you are jealous of her spending and her freeloading, so you are reporting her out of spite.

Your father should be ashamed of himself, if he is ok with this, he probably senences people for lesser fraud, who have real reasons for committing crimes.

However, they could charge her rent and then take her out and buy her what she would have spent money on, anyway, so no lies told.

Whydobabiescry Sun 03-Feb-13 22:19:39

I'd back off and mind your own business,mother wise you'll probably tear your family apart. Your sister is the one making the statements to the official receiver and its up to him whether he pursues looking for evidence of ownership of vehicles. Don't forget that the official receiver will be looking at the value the car would reach at auction which is likely to well short of the £1200 you say it's worth. If your sister goes down the debt relief order route her credit rating will be non existent and she'll be prevented from. Getting store cards and loans again so perhaps it is what she needs to do to get her out of a financial hole.

zoobaby Sun 03-Feb-13 22:19:51

Or maybe it's the brainchild of your folks? They must see this stuff all the time.

MrsDeVere Sun 03-Feb-13 22:20:06

I suppose you have to weigh up what it will achieve with what the backlash is likely to be.

Will it stop her behaviour? Given that your parents are enabling her, I don't think it will.

You will end up the bad one and your sister will carry on as she always has.

I would back away and let them all get on with it and they can face the consequences.

FoxtrotFoxtrotSierra Sun 03-Feb-13 22:25:14

But but but but but.....

I know IABU but she will not learn from her mistakes. Bankruptcy has, quite rightly IMO, been destigmatised, but she needs to face up to her responsibilities. The rest of us pay mortgage, bills etc, and she has just peed everything up the wall. It makes me so mad. And she's going to get it all written off without losing anything - when she has the money's worth for the stuff she has bought. It's infuriating. And not fair <stamps foot>.

I know that her assets aren't worth as much as they're "worth" at auction, but she shouldn't be making that decision. That's for the OR t make.

You will not be colluding, you will be washing your hands of it of you have any sense.

Personally, I would not grass her up. What I would do is read my parents the riot act, because it sounds as if they ARE colluding. Point out what it could mean to them as a magistrate and a councillor - what the public naming and shaming could mean to them. Are they prepared to risk such humiliation?Because I'm pretty sure their local paper will have a field day on their asses.

Depending on how you think they would react, I might even consider being pretty brutal as to the part they have played in this debacle. To the point of calling them crap parents who have made your sister's life rubbish by setting her no boundaries and now she is reaping what they have sown. Why? Because she won't listen but maybe they will. Because they need to stop enabling her, or they'll all go to financial hell in a handcart. Because IF they get away with it (and it is they, not just her), she's not going to change her spending patterns and it will all happen again.

Or, you could just walk away and tell them that their enabling is ultimately making her life harder, not easier. And stand well back.

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