to think my sons girlfriend is ungrateful?

(144 Posts)
MascaraLipstick Fri 01-Feb-13 16:54:54

I have three children, the oldest is 22. He dated his girlfriend for about a year when she fell pregnant.

This was very much a planned pregnancy which in a way I felt sad about. I didn't quite understand the urgent need for them to have a baby when they are at a point in their lives when they should be buying a house together, or going on holidays etc

It was an opinion I kept to myself however. We said they were moving out and renting, me and my oh told them they can stay at home and therefore save up for a deposit. They decided to live at home and save.

My son earns quite well for someone his age and we asked that they pay £120 over all a month.

The baby is now here and currently 7mo, she is an absolute delight and it's been lovely getting to see her everyday. My son is working full time, and his girlfriend is a sahm.

My second son has his girlfriend over to stay most nights now. So altogether there are 8 people living in 4 bedrooms, it getting very crowded now and more expensive.

Me and my oh discussed it and asked both our sons to now start paying £150 instead. They both agreed.

The other day I was making myself a tea and his girlfriend had a friend over and I could hear them chatting (I don't think she knew I'd come home early) and she was talking about me and oh saying "they are so unreasonable, they said we could live here so we can afford a deposit and how the hell are we suppose to be that now they've increased the rent?"

I feel upset after hearing that, we didn't increase the rent to be spiteful and we only added an extra £30, and paying £150 a month for 3 people living here is less than what they would probably be paying if they were renting.

If they would prefer to move out then they could and there would be no ill feeling towards either of them. We bought her a brand new pushchair and cot too before the baby was born and I just feel she is being so ungrateful.

Waferthinmint Fri 01-Feb-13 16:58:42

You sound like a lovely mum.
No advice though

Mollydoggerson Fri 01-Feb-13 17:02:45

yanbu.

I think your options are:

Say nothing and chalk it down to gf's immaturity.
Discuss your feelings with your ds.

GF sounds like an entitled little madam.

allnewtaketwo Fri 01-Feb-13 17:03:35

She sounds like a spoiled entitled little madam. If she wants to save so hard for a deposit then maybe she should get a job instead of sitting around your home drinking tea and slagging you off to her mates. I'd be furious

Sallyingforth Fri 01-Feb-13 17:05:18

£150 a month is nothing! It's a fraction of what they would be paying to rent, plus council tax, utilities etc.
You are running a boarding house, and should be charging accordingly.

Mia4 Fri 01-Feb-13 17:07:55

She is ungrateful, she's fucking lucky to have someone to help her with that-i''m sure there's a lot of people, myself included, that would kill not to have to pay as much in order to save. After all it's only £30 which would be very reasonable towards helping you both out and won't pinch them so much. If she really doesn't like it, she can move out and try actually having to pay real rent, real Council tax and bills.

Since the baby was planned as well and they wanted to save up for a deposit, they should have thought a bit more sensibly then having a baby right away. Whatever their reasoning, the choice was theirs and your son's gf should consider herself lucky she hasn't had to go bac to work to make ends meet paying a larger amount of rent.

She sounds like my sister: entitled brat. Hence why I'm annoyed for you.

I'd talk to your son, just mention what you overheard and that it's not nice to hear yourself spoke of so negatively when you are doing them a favor. Then see what he says. Chances are she's the entitled one and he'll be horrified but in case he's starting to get ideas too it's best to tackle. But with him, not her.

usualsuspect Fri 01-Feb-13 17:08:15

She was just sounding off to her mate. We all do it.

It must be difficult for her living in your house.I think they should look for somewhere to rent ASAP.

You do sound lovely though.

magimedi Fri 01-Feb-13 17:08:38

YANBU

And I would be thinking about a time frame for this situation. Do you want them all with you indefinitely?

firesidechat Fri 01-Feb-13 17:09:11

Yes she is ungrateful.

I don't know where you live but fairly sure that it would cost them many times that to rent somewhere, pay the bills and feed themselves.

She probably said it through ignorance if she has never rented but that doesn't make it ok.

singingsoprano Fri 01-Feb-13 17:10:30

YANBU! We have eldest dd and her husband and ds now both back living at home;the house feels very full, and they cost a fortune smile. Ds son does not pay rent, as he is at college, and dd and husband pay £120 per month. We are finding it very difficult as it leads to more work for me and dh and certainly dd seems to take things for granted!
However, they probably do need to live here to save rent. It's tricky.

HollyBerryBush Fri 01-Feb-13 17:10:47

Have you discussed it with your son?

TBH you sound very reasonable and placid - I would be for a family conference along the lines of - this is the council tax bill, this is the house insurance, this is the water, gas, electric and so forth - and this is why we are asking you to pay £150 per couple (per couple???) which is a grand total of £18.75 per person per week. If you feel you can find somewhere to live for that pack your bags and leave your keys on the table then let me know because I'll move in (Making a joke of it)

Adversecamber Fri 01-Feb-13 17:10:54

Take no notice, how ungrateful, what does the 150 cover? Just so I can feel total outrage on your behalf.

You are wonderful btw.

ModernToss Fri 01-Feb-13 17:11:10

Very ungrateful indeed. You are saving them a fortune, at considerable inconvenience to yourselves.

Have a word with your son.

manicbmc Fri 01-Feb-13 17:12:47

They'd be paying at least that amount in rent alone, a week, if they moved out.

She is ungrateful and naive.

MascaraLipstick Fri 01-Feb-13 17:13:16

It must be difficult for her living in your house

Maybe. But it was her decision to make, we offered them the choice.

If they had wanted to live with her parents or rented I would have supported them.

BegoniaBampot Fri 01-Feb-13 17:13:32

She might be spoilt and entitled but you weren't meant to hear, unfortunate that you did. If she was being sarky to your face about it and unpleasant that would be different but yes, she is being unrealistic and immature in her thinking.

Pandemoniaa Fri 01-Feb-13 17:14:27

I suspect she was just sounding off at her friend too although yes, £150 is nothing when compared to the cost of renting privately. However, I think you really need to sit down with your ds and his gf and work out a longer term plan. Are they saving to buy, for example? Or saving for a deposit to rent? If you know what they are aiming to do and when perhaps it'd be easier to help them achieve this. It can't be easy living with parents so I'd do my best to help them get their own place. If it meant that the rent had to be reduced for a specific period (and provided you can afford it) would this be an option?

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Fri 01-Feb-13 17:14:49

I paid more then that 12 years ago when I lived at home, it was also a quarter of my salary (so out all day!)and it was just me!!!!
Your doing them a massive favour.
I'd put it down to immaturity but maybe let it be known how much the bills really are.

digerd Fri 01-Feb-13 17:14:54

Does she help with the household chores, do their washing and ironing, food shopping and cooking?

Ha ha - where the fuck can a family of 3 live for £150 a month hmm

Stroll on. Life is going to come as a teensy shock to that little madam.

CabbageLeaves Fri 01-Feb-13 17:15:21

I think this will fester which would be a huge shame for you all. Try to talk to her (not him, much better to do it face to face) and explain how upset you felt. Explain about your costs. Let her come to a conclusion about her behaviour and attitude.

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 01-Feb-13 17:16:14

You do sound lovely Op.
I hope she's not one of those entitled DILs that comes on here, saying MIL is BU. grin.
Maybe it is better for them to flee the nest, it sounds like she needs to learn how to be an adult, and they would both learn to handle their own finances and live in the real world.

allnewtaketwo Fri 01-Feb-13 17:16:27

Yes exactly OP. If they think they are mature enough to have a baby then they should be mature enough to realise what the consequences are. You have made it very very easy for them. Difficult for her my arse. Being a SAHM in someone elses home who is subsiding toy to sit in your ass instead of earning a deposit. Yes difficult indeed hmm

Booyhoo Fri 01-Feb-13 17:16:29

i'm not sure if she's looked at rental prices lately but she is getting a bloody good deal!

when i had my son my mum charged £60 a week for me and him to live there and that was over 7 years ago.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Fri 01-Feb-13 17:16:42

Seems fair rent to me!

Do feel sorry for you.

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