To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

(1000 Posts)
fantasticfanjo Fri 28-Dec-12 13:32:06

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

CwtchesAndCuddles Fri 28-Dec-12 13:38:40

If it was that bad why didn't you say anything ???

I wouldn't allow my ds who has autism behave like that.

toomuch2young Fri 28-Dec-12 13:39:50

Hmm because 'threatening him' is a fantastic response to a distressed overwhelmed asd child hmm

Of course YABU. It's a kids show, he is a child. The poor family possibly find every single outing stressful and difficult and are trying to intergrate their ds into the world so he is not isolated - despite probably having judgy people like you at every occasion. It affected you for a couple of hours, it will affect him and his family their whole lives.

Please have a little compassion.

silverfrog Fri 28-Dec-12 13:41:11

did you ask the family to move him back? (or sit with him, in which case you could have moved to their seats in your row, and not had a disturbed view)?

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 13:42:15

Oh bugger off, maybe you'd prefer OT of your DS had ASD instead?

everlong Fri 28-Dec-12 13:42:58

I suppose the dad thought giving his son a bit more space might make it easier for both of them. Maybe.

If I were you I'd just say imagine being the parents of this little boy. Must be very hard for them.

And tbf a panto is noisy and loud with lots going on anyway.

FestiveElement Fri 28-Dec-12 13:43:48

YANBU. I have a child with ASD, it isn't an excuse to be inconsiderate to other people, especially on a special ocassion.

cinnamonnut Fri 28-Dec-12 13:46:21

YANBU

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Fri 28-Dec-12 13:48:29

Well then you should have complained.

My children both have autism and I would neither allow them to behave like that nor get arsy if people complained if I allowed them to behave like that!

Autism is not an excuse to allow your child to behave in antisocial ways. As parents of children on the spectrum, our lives revolve around teaching them the social rules!

I can't count the number of situations I've removed my kids from because they had reached a level that was beyond acceptable in a social setting.

What you describe is a selfish parent who failed to consider the impact of their actions on other people and/or viewed other people's needs as less important.

SarahWarahWoo Fri 28-Dec-12 13:50:13

You should have said something there and then, you can't do anything now unless you have a time machine. (do you? If so can I borrow it?)

CwtchesAndCuddles Fri 28-Dec-12 13:50:18

It seems to be the ones who have a child with ASD that think the parents should have made an effort to ensure their child didn't disturb others!

yohohoho Fri 28-Dec-12 13:52:40

I have experience of children with an in our family. My cousin certainly would not allow her son to disturb others enjoyment. She has had to remove him from activities before.

cansu Fri 28-Dec-12 13:53:01

There are very few events that are safe to take children with autism to as they oft en disturb others or attract judge looks and comments. I have two dc with ASD and though I would love to take them it is just too stressful ditto most cafes, cinemas, sometimes parks and really anything else t hat most parents enjoys sharing with their do. Pretty much the only thing I can do is swimming and walks in the wilderness! A panto is a noisy thing where lots of young dc shout and fidget etc so I think you should be able to be less judgy and unpleasant that you were inconvenienced. Try imagining how stressful and difficult it is for the child's parents on a daily 24 /7 basis.

fantasticfanjo Fri 28-Dec-12 13:54:38

I cant understand why they sat him in a row on his own and then choose to spend the entire performance repeatedly telling him to shut up/sit down thus adding to the noise level.TBH I really dont think that listning to the DF (repeatedly)threatening his child with taking him outside and "smacking his Bottom" a particularity fun night.

atacareercrossroads Fri 28-Dec-12 13:54:58

Yanbu, I'd have asked the father to move the kid back or if that didn't work spoke to someone at the theatre

okaynowitstheseason Fri 28-Dec-12 13:55:33

YY DozyFuck, that's clearly the only alternative to the behaviour described in the OP.

Vagaceratops Fri 28-Dec-12 13:57:20

Poor boy sad

silverfrog Fri 28-Dec-12 13:58:14

well, did you ask why they had done that?

I too have had to remove dd1 (ASD) from situations sometimes, if her behaviour deteriorates. but I would never have doen as this family did and moved her to be on her own, in front of anoher family.

why did you not ask them to move him back/sit beside him?

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 13:59:24

Well then fanjo that's the parents behaviour not the child's

Maybe you need to read your own op

Autistic people can't help stimming. Why don't you moan about the space a wheelchair takes up next?

SnowProbs Fri 28-Dec-12 14:00:46

Yes, YABU. And a complete arsehole.

FrustratedSycamoreSnowflake Fri 28-Dec-12 14:03:52

Oh OP I'd be tempted to take my dc just to annoy arsy pants with attitudes like yours. tempted but I wouldn't put my dc through it

It's a panto for goodness sake, most children I know couldn't sit still and quiet during a panto. And often (although not always) my ASD child is better behaved "controlled" than alot of NT children.

As for seating on the end of a row, have you tried to get seating in a certain place? Maybe you should try it? Life is not that simple.
Maybe we should lock up all of our ASD children and never allow them to experience normal everyday life so you are not disturbed.

<restrains self from completely loosing plot>

AmberLeaf Fri 28-Dec-12 14:05:00

What cansu said.

Some children with autism will be like this when they are excited. not necessarily something that can be stopped or 'bad' behavior, although some parents may decide to go home if it is infringing on others enjoyment.

But at a noisy event such as a childrens panto, I wouldnt think it would cause any more disruption than any other excited child. Although there is the factor of some people finding the normal behaviors of a child with special needs uncomfortable viewing ie hitting themselves etc.

The Dad sounds like he has some old fashioned views on parenting, but maybe he felt under immense pressure due to members of the public looking and tutting? I wouldnt judge too harshly on that TBH.

Personally I wouldnt take my son who is autistic to a panto because you would be disturbed by him tutting and sighing at it all, he thinks panto is utterly unfunny and doesnt understand how anyone can enjoy it! smile

okaynowitstheseason Fri 28-Dec-12 14:05:12

Grabs pitchfork

How dare OP expect a parent to parent?? Wanker!

usualsuspect3 Fri 28-Dec-12 14:06:38

I have nothing further to add to SnowProbs post.

She said it all really.

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 14:07:12

Okay that's not what op said. You can't stop autistic people stimming just like you can't make someone walk. She is not a nice person

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