To wish my father would SHUT THE FUCK UP

(76 Posts)
BalthierBunansa Tue 11-Dec-12 17:27:27

Watching the news at my parents house. News talking about how British whites are a minority in London for the first time. My father decides to make the lovely comment "What a shame. Wogs, wogs and more wogs." followed by me being all angry at him. Then the gay marriage issue comes up and yet again another comment "How disgusting". I finally have enough and shout "No-one wants to hear your disgusting opinions" and then I get a barrage of how he has freedom of speech etc

Some of his "opinions" make me want to cry (especially as a bisexual). AIBU to think he should SHUT UP and keep his nasty racist and homophobic opinions to himself, especially as they are HURTING PEOPLE

HumphreyCobbler Tue 11-Dec-12 17:28:17

I am sorry you have to sit and listen to that. Yes, he should shut up.

Pandemoniaa Tue 11-Dec-12 17:28:57

Well of course he should keep these wholly unacceptable views to himself. But people like him don't, do they? What would happen if you challenged him?

DeepPurple Tue 11-Dec-12 17:29:34

Is your dad my fil?

ihaverunoutofnicknameideas Tue 11-Dec-12 17:30:18

No YANBU to think he should keep his opinions to himself, but if this behaviour and these type of outdated and offensive comments are typical of him, then sadly you are probably being U to expect that he will ever change.

Narked Tue 11-Dec-12 17:31:36

Do you live with him?

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Tue 11-Dec-12 17:32:24

Sorry, Balthier that's rotten. Mt DF used to make what he thought were funny comments. He has got better over the years, partly through me introducing him to my gay, Muslim, Black, lesbian friends (not all the same person). Now, when he says something, I can just say, "you know you're talking about Fred/Jeff/Aisha right now" quietly. It's worked, a little.

Spuddybean Tue 11-Dec-12 17:33:34

yanbu. My dad told me last night that if i was his wife and i served him a vegetable curry for dinner i'd 'get a smack in the mouth'...nice.

It's horrid when your parents say dreadful things.

Mutt Tue 11-Dec-12 17:33:38

He is entitled to his bigotted, small-minded, offensive opinions. And in his own home I guess he is entitled to voice them.

But you don't have to listen to and accept them, or be upset by them. You have tried challenging him but it apparently makes no difference.

So just leave. Tell him you find his beliefs "nasty, racist, homophobic" and unacceptable. And leave.

Cozy9 Tue 11-Dec-12 17:33:44

HE is entitled to his opinion as much as you are. How would you feel if someone told you to shut up because they didn't like your opinions?

Ah, Balthier, sorry you have to deal with this.

My liberal, lovely, socialist, well-travelled almost-80 year old father is turning into an old bigot in his old age sad. He is not demented or anything, has all his marbles, but his opinions.... He has many friends from all walks of life, white/black/inbetween, heterosexual/proud gay and 'camp' and gay/not camp IYKWIM and all those he knows are of course 'different' and tolerated.
But all the other forriners and horrible queers and women who want to be bishops should not be allowed shock.
My heart breaks whenever he comes out with this racist/sexist/homophobic crap because I can remember him as a tolerant, accepting person.

Yes, your dad should shut up and voice his opinion to people who want to hear them.

Does he know about your sexual orientation?

BerryChristmas Tue 11-Dec-12 17:35:10

It's his opinion and he has a right to say it. If you don't like it, then leave.

Just don't ever come to the Westcountry!

cantspel Tue 11-Dec-12 17:35:19

He is voicing his opinion in his house. They might not be nice but no one is forcing you to stay and listen to them.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Tue 11-Dec-12 17:38:32

Did people miss that the OP is bisexual? That does make his right to call gay people 'disgusting' in his own home different. He is calling his daughter 'disgusting' by extension. Not OK in my book.

Pipsytwos Tue 11-Dec-12 17:39:36

That's a shame, my Grand parents are like that. I learnt at a young age that there is no point arguing with them, it doesn't change their opinions and just makes it go on for longer. Now I just sit there and cringe. sad

BalthierBunansa Tue 11-Dec-12 17:39:55

PacificDogwood He does know yes, though I do think he is doing his best to try and forget

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Tue 11-Dec-12 17:40:17

When he starts, tell him he's revolting, get up, walk out and go home.

He may have the right to spout that crap, I suppose, but there's no reason you have to remain in his home when he does.

Or visit him again if he does.

Chubfuddler Tue 11-Dec-12 17:41:46

The first thing my mother said to me today, when we met up at my sons school for his nativity, was that white British are now an ethnic minority in London.

She never used to be a racist bigot, I'm sure of it.

Pandemoniaa Tue 11-Dec-12 17:41:50

I don't hold with this rubbish about anyone having the right to spout bigoted, discriminatory hatred just because they are doing so at home. It needs challenging.

Narked Tue 11-Dec-12 17:42:14

I would tell him, just once, that you find his opinions offensive and then in the future leave the room (and the house if necessary) when he starts off.

richardsimmonstanktop Tue 11-Dec-12 17:42:55

I hate it when people use the 'free speech' excuse to spout racist/homophobic drivel. Free speech means (broadly) that you can't be arrested/persecuted for voicing your opinions. It doesn't mean that we all have an excuse to go round saying vile hateful things.

Narked Tue 11-Dec-12 17:43:27

And I'm sure not everyone in the West Country is an ignorant bigot.

Cozy9 Tue 11-Dec-12 17:44:28

Pamdemoniaa, why, and by who? Don't you find it a scary concept that people shouldn't be able to say what they want, even at home?

Anniegetyourgun Tue 11-Dec-12 17:44:50

XH used to come out with crap like that. It was one of the things I cited as unreasonable behaviour on the divorce petition.

BerryChristmas Tue 11-Dec-12 17:44:54

Chubfuddler - your mother was stating a fact, not an opinion. When did it become wrong to state a fact?

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